When Ralph first noticed that his penis was growing larger and staying erect longer, he was delighted, as was his wife: But after several weeks, his penis had grown to nearly twenty inches. Ralph became quite concerned. He was having problems dressing, and even walking. So he and his wife went to see a prominent urologist.

After an initial examination, the doctor explained to the couple that, though rare, Ralph's condition could be fixed through corrective surgery.

"How long will Ralph be on crutches?" The wife asked anxiously. "Crutches Why would he need crutches?" asked the surprised doctor.

"Well" Said the wife coldly. "You're gonna lengthen his legs, aren't you?"*°®

My wife and I went out to the county fair in Texas last month,

and one of the first barns we wandered into was the prize bull exhibit.

We stopped at the first stall and saw a big sign that read,

THIS BULL BRED 52 TIMES LAST YEAR.

My wife nudged me with a grin and said,

Fifty-two times? Thats once a week, like clockwork.

We moved along to the next stall where another sign read,

THIS BULL BRED 156 TIMES LAST YEAR.

She poked me a little harder and said,

Three times a week! You might want to take notes.

At the last stall, the sign was in big bold letters,

THIS BULL BRED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR.

She was so excited she nearly cracked a rib and said,

That's once a day ..You could REALLY learn something from this one.

I smiled and said,

Why dont you ask him if it was with the same old heifer every time?

My condition has improved from critical to stable,

and with a little rest and ice packs, I should make a full recovery.

 

Edited March 19Mar 19 by Cbdave

I've sure gotten old!   

I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, 

New knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes 

I'm half blind, 

Can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, 

Take 40 different medications that 

Make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. 

Have bouts with dementia ... 

Have poor circulation; 

Hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. 

Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. 

Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, 

I still have my driver's license.

A couple who work at the travelling circus go to an adoption agency.

Social workers there raise doubts about their suitability to adopt.

The couple produces photos of their expensive, 50 foot Prevost motor-home, which is already equipped with a beautiful nursery.

The social workers then are doubtful about the education that the child would get.

"We've arranged for a full-time tutor to travel with us who will teach the child all the usual subjects along with French, Mandarin and computer skills."

Then there are doubts about raising a child in a circus environment.

"Our nanny/housekeeper is an expert in pediatric welfare and diet."

The social workers are finally satisfied.

They ask, "What age and sex of child are you hoping to adopt?"

"It doesn't really matter, as long as it fits in the cannon."