June 28, 20206 yr Author Billy stops Paddy in Dublin and asks for the quickest way to Cork. Paddy says: "Are you on foot or in the car?" Billy replies: "In the car." "Well that's the quickest way," says Paddy....
July 1, 20206 yr Why did Michael Jackson go to Walmart? Because he saw an ad that said, “Boy’s Underwear 1/2 Off”.
July 29, 20206 yr Unheavenly blessed Three nuns were talking. The first nun said, "I was cleaning the Father's room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines!" "What did you do?" the other nuns asked. "Well, of course I threw them in the trash." The second nun said, " Well, I can top that, I was in Father's room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms!" "Oh my!" gasped the other nuns. "What did you do?" they asked. "I poked holes in all of them," she replied. The third nun said, "Oh shit!"
July 30, 20206 yr A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"
July 30, 20206 yr A manager of a small restaurant hears that someone in their town has just tested positive for COVID-19. He calls an emergency meeting of his 3 employees - an Italian, a Scotsman, and a Japanese man. The manager says to the Italian, "Sanitize everything in the kitchen!" He then tells the Scotsman, "Make all new To-Go flyers. All our dishes need to be on there." Finally he tells the Japanese man, "You're in charge of the supplies!" The manager then runs off in a panic to make sure his family is safe. He returns to the restaurant later that evening, enters the kitchen, and sees that it's a filthy mess. He irately yells at the Italian, "What happened? Why didn't you clean the kitchen?!?!" The Italian replies, "I no ave mop! I no ave soap! You saida to the Japanese guy dat e wasa ina charge of sooplies but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere!" Frustrated, the manager goes to check on the new To-Go menus, and sees the Scotsman just sitting there with a stack of the old menus. "You! I thought I told you to create new To-Go menus!!!" screamed the manager. The Scotsman replied, "Aye, ye did lad, but ah couldnae git masel any pens o' paper! Ye left that wee Jap mannie in charge o' the supplies, but I couldnae fin' him anywhere." The manager blows his top and storms off to the back of the restaurant to find the Japanese man. He looks in the bathroom, in the alleyway, in the office, but can't find him. Then as he's approaching a utility closet the door bursts open. Out jumps the Japanese man and he yells: **SUPPLIES!!!**
August 30, 20206 yr Author Paddy takes his son to the zoo. When they get to the elephants the zoo keeper said, this elephant can tell how old you are with one look. Paddys son shouts, "how old am I"...? The elephant stamps his foot 6 times. Wow says paddy that's right my boy is 6... Paddy shouts to the elephant, "How old am I"...? The elephant farts and stamps his foot twice. "BeJesus"... Says Paddy, "He's right, I'm Farty two"
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.