… made more messes than a monkey in Macy’s.

 

I began to have serious misgivings about the Thanksgiving meal when…

the turkey was still gobbling.

 

Why did you stuff the turkey with...

The giblets bag still inside (true story 😆)

 

I ate so much that

… a wheelbarrow was required to deposit me on the couch.

 

Aunt Mavis shocked everyone by…

when she served a Merlot with the pea soup.  Cuz that would call for a dry white wine, geez, y'all ain't no fun.

 

what size batteries go in ...

that dildo

 

I only have room for

… one watermelon at a time in my fridge.

The cats hid when…

The cat carriers came out.

 

There are far too many 

Thoughtless careless actions.

 

And behind curtain number 3 we have...

…the Magical Mister Mistoffelees!!

The suspenseful silence was finally broken by…

 

 

The power coming back on

 

The writing on the wall 

....deepened her resolve to keep the Sharpie markers away from her toddler.

In case of an emergency, always...

 

Wear clean underwear

 

Remember when

Remember when remember when I lost my mind 🎶 

 

When you least expect it..

 

Is always when it happens

 

Any day now

…the redbud will bloom.

“Thump, thump, thump” went the…

Shoes in the dryer

 

Sometimes late at night

… my cats race up and down the halls of the house like little maniacs. 

She knew for certain she’d come unhinged when…

 

 

She found her spouse cheating on her

 

People say that

Life is like a box of chocol….oh wait, that’s momma that says that

 

 

And that’s when he shrieked out in terror that….

 

 

Edited March 27, 20233 yr by Brioski

His colored clothes got washed with his whites

 

The house cleaners found 

The “toy” drawer.

 

In the middle of the night I always…

Have to pee

 

People who have kids

 

…step on a lot of Legos. (Ow.)

 

“Dear diary, today I finally….”

Took a bath

 

Every kitchen should