I feel awfull. Completely drained. Tired so easily. With cold sores. Tomorrow I have to do bloodwork. Since I was on the ICU after an overdose (that was when i was away) and got admitted in the mental clinic... I started to get more tired... first had to recover from my OD and after going back to my old schedule of meds I first experienced lots of tiredness as a side-effect.
That's gone now. I don't nap anymore... but whenever I do something I end up drained. 
I'm tired, feel screwed and keep in the back of my head it miight be lymes disease, whicj I got antibiotics for.
I'm done with feeling so through and fighting every day (not suicidal) but I'd sure fancy a cigarette. The excuses go round in my head and I just need to vent. I hate it my body seems to let me down...
I'm tired, emotionally and physically. And I'll say NOPE but I'm very tempted.

This is a common thing when people quit smoking - they talk of lost energy... But it does get better, you will just have to trust me here, because I cross my heart that it gets 1000x better... But the only way to get to that 'better' time is to not smoke... Do not smoke, and in a few weeks you will have bundles of energy, I promise.

 

Please, trust me here...!

Oh, Evelyn.

what a lot for your mind and rebellious body.

So glad you have the N O P E on.

That is a ray of shining HOPE.

 

Hang in there, sleep as much as you can.

Sleep is a healer.

oh, you must be going NUTS.

 

Thinking of you and your Pigs

and sending healing thoughts.

Love,

S

 

hey, look at these for a while

they are mesmerizing

http://www.montereybayaquarium.org/animals-and-experiences/live-web-cams

Evelyn... I forgot to say - have a big ((((hug))))

 

How you feeling now?

Ok ev.....you know how your mind is trying to trick you....that nico monster....

Take your mind of stuff.....watch some dr who.....listen to music.....nice soak in the bath.....

Do anything darlin but smoke.....start with some good deep breathing.....

Come on ...you can do it.....you know you can....

I'm so emotional. And so pissed off at my body. I'm pissed off enough to go downstairs and light a cigarette at my neighbor. But I won't I'm obstinate and feel like raging. Thin ice here. 
It's that I don't want to quit all over again. So I won't fall for my own excuses. But boy wish I could cry on someones shoulder.

We´re here for you. Why don´t you get some rest? Make something that relaxes you, like listening to some music or taking a bath. You have to remember your body is healing itself from all the damage cigarettes made and that takes energy. But please don´t give up! Talk to us!

Keep being tough and obstinate Evelyn - you are doing great. Keep on keeping on.

Aw sweetie, that's so much, I'm sorry you have to go through so much.

 

Smoking never made it better tho my lovely, it's just another set of problems. Hold tight and distract yourself, sleep, watch a program, sing a song really loud. xx

Thanks Bandit, but the obstinate and emo's go through the roof. I feel so powerless. It's bloody 6 PM here and I'd go to bed if I could but if I'd do that I would wake up 4 AM.
So typing here, trying to find a soothing conditioning without fag. If got K3 on spotify on. Just silly girls music but it makes me feel a little less stress. 
Please stay close to me :)

Keep strong Evelyn....fight......

Maybe a cup of tea?

Got herbal tea

Tea....this is good ....well done sweetheart.....

Got herbal tea

 

That helps.  We´re here with you. You can do this. Just write whatever you think, feel or need. 

Evelyn, sending lots of hugs your way!  Be kind to yourself and if you are tired, maybe just sit in a chair, drink your cup of tea, relax and listen to your music.   If you take a short nap so be it.  Then you can get up later and go to bed.  You know if you light up you will just have to go through this again!  You are doing great!!

Which herbal tea ya got? Tea is always great :)

Which herbal tea ya got? Tea is always great :)

 

So British of you Marti  :P

You know, a fag ain't going to give you THAT feeling anymore.

those days are OVER.

 

Look to your fabulous PIGS to give you that endorphin rush.

Now, there is a reliable source of LOVE. :wub: 

 

Thinking of you,

S

aww hun sorry you are feeling crappy

 

what gets you laughing Evelyn, what comedies or comedians do you like?

 

I found sometimes laughter is the best medicine just to give you a little lift, even if laughing is the last thing you want to do, it might just be what you need to do

 

let us know what tickles your pickle xxx

Don't dwell.. get busy.

 

Common that when we don't feel good we think a cig will make us feel better (I would say fag for you folks across the way... but saying a fag makes us feel better has a different meaning)... it doesn't...it only masks the problem momentarily until the nicotene wears off and then you need another to feel that way again and then again and then blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blahblah blah blah blah blahblah blah blah blah blahblah blah blah blah blahblah blah blah blah blahblah blah blah blah blahblah blah blah blah blahblah blah blah blah blahblah blah blah blah blahblah blah blah blah blahblah blah blah blah blahblah blah blah blah blahblah blah blah blah blahblah blah blah blah blahblah blah blah blah blahblah blah blah blah blahblah blah blah blah blahblah blah blah blah blahblah blah blah blah blahblah blah blah blah blahblah blah blah blah blahblah blah blah blah blahblah blah blah blah blahblah blah blah blah blahblah blah blah blah blah.

 

It is all bullshit mind games.  Keep fighting and keep pushing forward.  You are about to become a new person..... is that not what you really want?

Made it through. Laying in bed now. Smoke free

Which herbal tea ya got? Tea is always great :)

Got 'brandnetel' tea in dutch

I'm proud I made it

I´m so proud of you!  :)