Loved all of these witty and funny snippets This new Dad should be well armed now. 

Aww...love this thread...

Just popped by to wish my Boo,His blossoming better half ,and little bean my fondest ❤❤❤❤

I'm gonna work on cutting back on the amount of cussing that I do.  I said this once before then thought: I quit smoking, drinking, and chasing women...a bit of foul language really isn't a big deal.

 

After Thanksgiving dinner my dad reminded me of something that happened before I was born.  Mom, dad, and my sister went to Florida on vacation.  Dad stopped in Jacksonville to fill up the car with gas.  He got turned around and couldn't get back on the interstate.  In his frustration he said: "Aw, shit!"  My sister, two years-old at the time, echoed: "Awww, SIT!"  Mom told her not to say that again.  Dad tried to hold back but ended up laughing out loud.  So for the next week my sister would look at dad and let out an "Awww, SIT!"  She was getting laughs with that line and kept going back to the well.

 

I'm realistic enough to know that I'm gonna slip and let a choice word rip from time-to-time.  However, I don't want to send the kid to kindergarten with the vocabulary of a bartender at a redneck dive.

Yeah-nah ..not an issue...trust me I swear all the fruckin time and my kid sings "beep" when there are swear words in songs... Gotta teach email young do as I say not as I do.

 

Oh here's some tips I used..

1. Can you *insert task* for me, I can't I've got a bone in my leg" works at least until about 6years...also works for I can't give you any more horsey rides...it's not like your lying you do have a bone in your leg, a few actually. A bone in your arm is a good excuse to stop throwing a ball after an hour of catch.

 

2. You can't do 'xyz' until you are this tall ( hold your hand at any height you want taller than ya kid...your hand can move every Time but an age can't be changed)...can also use,. Of course you can when U r this tall.

 

 

 

Was gunna chuck this in the ad thread but it fit here just fine and dandy...

 

might be jumping the gun a bit but this fact needs to be learnt last week....

 

 

 

 

so.... could be... nappy, hungry, tired, too cold, too hot, growth spurt, teething, wind, they are a little shit, oh and they just want to make sure mummy and daddy make no more babies.

 

 

You are about to learn things only parents know.... We tend to keep it a secret, don't want to scare of the next mob ..... Things like, number 3

 

 

 

found some footage of Cash's big brother training...

 

^ hahaha....down here everyone nurses the baby....it just means having a cuddle/hold....note to self don't be asking no yanks if I can nurse their babies.

 

Tip...birth music...let Sugar Britches put her own birth music together...if she wants music and not silence...trust me 'birthing' is all about Sugar Britches and what she wants....oh and don't get too caught up in the 'birth plan'...KISS..keep it simple stupid...my cousin who had her kid the same day as me 3 page birth plan total break down and depression when she couldn't follow it...me let's try this shit without drugs (for obvious reasons) and go with what feels right at the time...worked a charm.

23 hours ago, jillar said:

 

Why do men have nipples?

 

It's like having a faucet with no pipes.

20 hours ago, jillar said:

 

Can you get a keg filled with chocolate milk?  Sugar Britches has been craving chocolate milk and is really putting the stuff away.  A gallon jug doesn't last long around here anymore.

 

For that matter...overall consumption of chocolate products at our house has increased by about 400% in the last couple of weeks.

7 hours ago, Boo said:

For that matter...overall consumption of chocolate products at our house has increased by about 400% in the last couple of weeks.

 

Probably needs more magnesium for growing little BB....although avocado is a better magnesium source....or she is stressed and emotional and needs more cuddles or dopamine....you know what else releases dopamine, beside chocolate and exercise...a nice massage... 😉!

 

18 hours ago, notsmokinjo said:

Probably needs more magnesium for growing little BB....although avocado is a better magnesium source

 

Sugar Britches has consistently resisted the current avocado craze.  Doesn't even like guacamole; said it looks like baby poo and tastes like paste...just shakes her head in disgust when I'm piling that stuff on my grilled chicken tacos.

 

She does eat a lot of bananas though.  Those are a good source of magnesium.

 

18 hours ago, notsmokinjo said:

you know what else releases dopamine, beside chocolate and exercise...a nice massage... 😉!

 

I made a joke to her about a "happy ending" one time, she didn't know what I was talking about.

 

She is a good influence on me.  I am a bad influence on her.

Omg do not unsweat Sugar Britches... Although lotsa preggas chicks go through a nympho stage ..just saying..

 

Any time from 5 months on if ya wanna score major brownie points remember these two words...foot massage!

 

Dunno if you have the Body Shop over there but they have this peppermint cooling foot and leg gel stuff...it was almost as good as a happy ending massaging that shit into my feet and ankles at night.