Evelyn

Yup and fat free :P lactose-free, glutenfree. BUT they taste like the bEST!

You go for that quit - we will drag you through it!!! Post a SOS WHENEVER you feel like cracking, I did today. Sometimes even as prevention. You'll be so proud and your lungs will improve within 2 weeks. Even days. Do it. Make it happen. And Not One Puff Ever. Keep that one in mind - NOPE

... almost told her 'my mom was your age when she died of lung cancer'. So ignorant. thinking you won't get ill. Beat the odds. I kept my mouth shut. But ohohoh!!!!!

Made it through the crappy hours :)

You better DO that Action, LOL you sure deserve a cookie for being you

Holding the guinea pigs while my househelp changed their cage :P

Thanks Jenny :D ow and Action still on Gum but lowering

Pick one, you deserve it - my trick or traet

I'm waiting for the thunderstorm coming up!

Ow and Iris watched over my shoulder but you know what they say there's only one Captain? Point is I need to give room and space for them to do their thing too like reading, music, tv etc. Everybody wants something else.

Yeah but they have developed some 'not so healthy' coping mechanisms like self injury for example. And smoking. That 'why they say 'now fix it, we fixed your trouble...' Although they do back me up like you've seen with Iris. But I do a lot of internal communication, they don't listen anyone in the system accept me BECAUSE I am the host. Still if very upset I need to call my surrogate mom to help me / us calm down. But today they litterally pushed me to the foreground, you are the main, so deal with it we back you up.

Thanks Babs (((hugs)))

@ Action. You made me smile and my parts too. And you know why? They came to help me survive and you accept them, that means a lot.

True, some think they cannot live without nicotine that's why I relapsed when I took of the patch. Now I need to take an occassional gum because if the withdrawls get too bad I switch and someone flips and buys a pack. Thinking their dying. We once went psychotic by quitting cold turkey, not severe but it was terrifying it set off a crisis.

No I wasn't able to develop a indenity due severe abuse and trauma before the age of 5 by my father. So 'I split up' everytime he came to abuse me. My mom was back then often drunk and didn't protect me. That hurts most, it delayed the grief too - blaming my mom more then my dad for my trauma's. She should have protected me. When in early childhood a child is molested and abused (often sexually) it is possible the victim start dissociating to survive as an coping mechanism. Floating above the body, watching the event for example - until my 16th I had no memories of abuse at all. Only a very bad relationship with me dad he always pushed my buttons (weird huh) until I discovered it myself I have DID and was diagnosed 10 years ago. Lately me parts have shared memories of abuse, they took on their shoulders to protect me. That is hard but manageable. But the grief, The loss of our mother who was a huge support to us the last years until 2007 makes me feel like falling apart. I'm rambling sorry

Thank you Frez. I feel touched by your reply. You know I've had my share of 'ow their demons' or 'they need to be driven out' etc. Or just plain, 'get over it' reactions. I am not posting for an 'aww you're such a sorry person,' response... but just some insight of who I am and WHY I react sometimes the way I do. Don't worry the littles won't post over here. They have their own safe space on facebook ;) But JUST so you know where I come from. I already mentioned I had flashbacks and panick attacks - all a result of my traumatic childhood. In fact I've been away for practicly 10 years (on Effexor) till last February and then I came back so NOW I'm discovering my mom died and that's why I am mourning her NOW; the last 10 years my parts all were juggling to keep the balls up but there was no sign of me, Evelyn, too big of crisis. So the last 3 days Iris dealed with daily life, but she and others in my alter system didn't handle that well so now I am back. They say 'now you are back, Evelyn, you gotta deal with life too'. And it can be hell sometimes!

I am holding unto my quit annael :D

Thanks Tracey and Frez, I posted a little bit more about my background in the password protected forum

I, Evelyn was away for a few days. You have to know I have dissociative idenity disorder known as multple personality disorder. One of my parts (as I call them) was there but the house of cards was blown over today, them saying we want Evelyn the host on the foregound. Iris did a good job, who was there the last few days (and wrote the blogs) but my parts want ME to do the job and live my life, with support of them in the background. I have as many as 100 parts but mostly 10 are active or 'awake'. This is caused by severe early trauma in childhood. For the record, my parts are NOT demons and on the main board all of us will write under the name Evelyn. Which is MY name and I am the host and main, but still there are hours or days when I chicken and someone else has to do the job :P Don't worry, don't expect me to sign under a different name from now on LOL Just wanted some trusted members to know. As I sometimes can seem 'different people', which is true in the sense you deal with another part for a while. Those parts have different names, gender and age and memories. I was told Iris wrote two amazing blogs and that you all supported her, us in an amazing way! In return I am just being honest that I am a we LOL Never boring. I know this might be scary to some but you can compair it to a cake which is cut into pieces. That is me. And sometimes you deal with a different piece of cake Whahahahaha :lol: I have intense therapy too, and this might explain better why I need to first stop smoking and use NRT gum otherwise I switch and someone freaks out internally and buys a pack. I REALLY hope I am not making a mistake by posting this. This is a vunerable post but you guys are amazing and I think most of you are willing to not judge me on this one. Now, this piece of cake - Evelyn - says a HUGE THANKS to all of for supporting me (us) on the little SOS topic Evelyn Did I mention how glad I am to have you all as friends?

Yes I made it - guess I surpressed the grief too much which causes a volcano-effect! ALL of you thanks I made a mistake by oppressing my emotions - big time - it attacks you like a boomerang later on.

El Bandito you and all the others helped me so much, I am back and might be heartbroken but not defeated

I'm going to do a nap :) feeling very depressed.

I went to do groceries and didn't buy cigs

Bandito - you're so kind thank you :)

Lord please help me cope with my emotions, my pain and grief. the inner pain, the desperate feelings.... The herbal tea is making me ill... I feel so anxious, Lord please calm me down, please Help me cope. In Jesus name Amen