Evelyn

In Voorhout, near Leiden

I relapsed but got my act together And that's how

I will be

I pledge not to smoke, not since I finished my last cig at 9 AM and now it is 17:23 PM

Had therapy today and my T said I have to let my emotions flow to level 2 then let one of the other parts take over who are not so overwhelmed. That way I can process but prevent crisis. I'm still going to see my psychiatrist and ask for a low dosis of antidepressivant a classic one wich I react better to.

The hormone pill shot seems to balance things. Appearently if you suddenly stop using it you can get emotional even labile in my case. Thanks for all the support. I'm on patch 2 now doing fine. The reason I picked up my quit right away is due my severe asthma it's destructive too and strengthens negative thoughts.

I feel better now I got a hormones shot today, get my act together and quit smoking at 9 am. I'm just ready to go for my therapy and might get an anti depressivants prescribed Friday. Guess my hormones were also ******* me up

Things backfired. I became suicidal and took an overdose have an appointment with my therapist today and Friday with my psychiatrist on medication. I just can't cope anymore with the inner pain will be smoking till Friday evening. Just wanted to let you all know I'm still fighting but it's hard

I'll keep using valeriaan for now :)

I have an appointment with my psychiatrist on Friday about antidepressivants

No it's over with the patches and the gum and all that bloody stuff.

I have an appointment about antidepressivant on Friday

Got so depressed and in crisis I blew it; smoked 7 but going to do it now cold turkey

Happy BIRTHDAY!!!!!

Over here it's sunny too :)

Morning :) I prayed that the Lord would help me carry my burden

Yeah I got triggered by someone online :)

I pledge not to smoke today

I was asleep :) I'm sorry I got you so worried. Jaja I'm off anti depressivants because they backfired but I do have an appointment on May 2 with pdoc. I'm just going through so much processing it is hard

That's why I'm moving

Sorry I posted this. I already have counseling once a week. More is not an option

I have professional help bakon, once a week. I just needed to vent

Ow those happy days will come just dunno when....

I live on my own and the valerian was on off-the-record med I took, but it also made gave me the urge to self harm so that's why I'm going off it. It wasn't prescribed by my Dr. I am going through processing inner pain and a friend just came by and WE cried and screamed and cried all over. It's just that since I'm off the antidepressivant in Februari I've started to feel my inner pain and it's hard to process. a childhood full of neglect and sexual abuse.... it kicks in you know? And I'm getting flooded. That is why I am going to move to a special home where there's a nurse on call, when I need her. But the indication just went on mail so it takes 4 weeks to deliberate wether to approve or not and then do an intake in the specific home, probably they have waiting lists. It's hard to cope and also stay communicating inside with my parts. If I don't and get overwhelmed, they all flee to their space or take over to do their solution like refreshing the patch, thinking it will relieve the inner pain.

Again, I refreshed that bloody patch - it was on the wrong spot pulled it off and refreshed it again: 3 patches in one day! I HATE MYSELF Why can't I just cope with my bloody inner pain without getting all compulsive obsessive. I panick due my inner pain, switch and one of my parts chooses to pull of the patch and refresh it. It just hurts soo much. It's so damn hard alone in my home coping with this. I hate the fact my parents who traumatised me, cause such inner pain and that now after 10 years of destructive behaviour and cutting now I find myself in this process of processing inner pain and emptyness, causes by neglect. I sometimes don't wanna wake up. Then I try to fall asleep again but can't and need to face it al over again. Didn't smoke by the way. But life sure sucks