Hello train members,
I was here just about a year ago, after a hospital stay that gave me a five day head start, stayed free for about 18 (?) days and relapsed. I felt so embarrassed and like a loser, I never logged back in to quit train. Smoked all the way until Monday night at 8:45pm. Woke up in the middle of the night feeling like I was being choked, went to er, and they kept me for just shy of two days for observation. I have panic disorder/anxiety, but I also have asthma. Whilst smoking, how dumb dumb is that. It’s time to stop. What am I doing to myself. I’m on day 3 right now. I’ve just been reading here (officially logged in today though) and also reading on another platform that rhymes with schmeddit (hope that’s ok to say lol) to pass the time. Also eating and watching tv, went to some dr appts, and a friends’ moms funeral.
I don’t know how I feel. I don’t want to be woe is me. But it’s a little woe/woah. I’m not sure what to do. I know what not to do. Sorry if this is wrong to say but I loveee smoking, I just hate being a smoker. It’s done for me right now. And I feel like I also can’t say “nope” yet, bc it’s literally hour by hour, day by day. I saw, I think it was denali, that said not one puff right now or today or something and I related to that.
thanks guys ❤️