Thanks @Doreensfree, you're right, everyone deals with things differently and as long as I don't smoke it'll be fine.
@Minnie Mouse yes I think (and hope) you're right that it's a sign of transition. I don't feel that I want to smoke all the time when it happens, I know the reality is that I can smoke if I want to. I choose not to. Yeah it's sad seeing the elderly smoking and in ill health. I agree with you, I don't want to be in that situation when I'm older. I didn't just quit for myself but for those I love and care for. Letting myself down is something I can get over but letting others down, not so much. Thanks for your input.
Thanks @intoxicated yoda it's not something I've noticed before so it is odd! You may be on to something with my subconscious giving me insight that I never needed them so you're not full of shit lol I think this because once you get that first hit, the second is good too, maybe not as good as the first but then the next few, not as pleasurable. (I'm getting to the point I promise ) The feeling doesn't get better, yet I continued to finish it. I didn't see any of this with those I have seen smoke. I'm differentiating the addiction from the habit. The addiction is the first two puffs, the habit is the rest of the cigarette. My conclusion, I was a dumbass for thinking otherwise!
@Cbdave ohhhh after reading your comment that the smoke has already gone through someone else's lungs first, I'll be making sure to dodge it from now on! I didn't see it like that, so gross! You've cured me already! lol I'm with you re the smell of a freshly lit match, no shame here either! Thank you!