Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
  • entry
    1
  • comments
    16
  • views
    47

My heart is broken

richard

201 views

Hi all. I have not been on for awhile. It is day 107  from smoking but please no congrats today. This is more about pain and heartache. To all those having trouble quitting,just think about the ones you will leave behind.I know i know you have to do it for yourself, but others will suffer just as much as you. I have     sob   had a wife.She was diagnosed with copd about 4 months ago.She tried to stop smoking and drinking her beer but could not. I tried everything because i would hear her cough and wheezing at night. She always said she is trying and not to worry because she was never ever sick. on the 21 of august she was complaining about her back and ear. On the 23 she finnally agreed to go to emer.1 where they said she had and bad ear infection and gave us some dam script. On the 23 at 3 a.m. i called my oldest daughter to come get us and we brought her to a hospitol. They took blood work and than had to move her to vasser. We followed. I went into the icu room and saw her sitting up in pain and scared. She saw me i saw her we locked eyes. I was looking at her when i heard the doctor say i had to go out for awile because they had to put her on life support sob sob sob .Still looking at her i know she heard him. The last picture of my beautiful wife was her starring at me in fear with her beautiful hazel eyes. I was ushered out never to see them eyes again. God writing this is tearing me up.I loved her even more than i though i did.The doctor said that she had pneumonia.He said that her lungs were about the worse that he had seen in a long time.On monday morning the 26th.i had to make the decision to take her off life support.Shortly after my beautiful warm sweet love of my life died in my arms taking her last breath.So to all that are trying to quit please please for the loved ones that have to try to go on without you please try again and again and again until you do.And to my love my woman i will remember you till we meet again.

  • Sad 7


16 Comments


Recommended Comments

Oh Richard, I am so sorry for the sudden and difficult loss of your wife.   I so admire you writing this message to others as your heart is breaking.  This addiction does not just affect the person smoking, it also affects our loved ones.  You must have felt very powerless in helping your wife.  

I pray that you can now focus your memories on the happy times and rely on the love of your family.   Keep that wonderful quit going.  

Share this comment


Link to comment

I'm so sorry Richard, my heart goes out to you and your family. Thank you for sharing your story so that maybe it will be the wake up call someone else needs to quit smoking...xoxo

Share this comment


Link to comment

Oh dear Richard,

I am so sorry for the devastating loss of your beloved.  

This is so sad.

I, too, hope this serves as a catalyst to help people quit smoking.

The addiction not only hurts ourselves but,  all living creatures around us in so many ways.

Please be kind to yourself and let others show their kindness also.

Thank you for this brutal wake up call.

Love,

 

 

 

Edited by Sazerac

Share this comment


Link to comment

Gutted to read of the passing of your wife Richard. My deepest sympathies to you for your loss. Thank you for having the courage to share this with others. I'm sure your motivation is to make even just 1 person think twice about quitting. Thank you for that. I know it can't be easy to do that.

  • Like 1

Share this comment


Link to comment

Thank you all that have replied . I wish i could chat with all of you right now but i really have nothing left in me. I will rebound, it will take time. Again thank you  . for the kind words and thoughts sob for now .

Share this comment


Link to comment

My heart breaks for you, your wife, and your children, Richard.  Thank you for taking the time to come here to remind all of us of the difference between temporary discomfort and cravings, and real unfathomable loss.  Please take care of yourself and hold your children tight as that's all that matters right now.  We are here for you if and when you choose.

  • Like 2

Share this comment


Link to comment

Richard, we understand your grief.  Know that we are here if you need us.  May the love of your family help sustain you in this sorrowful time.  

 

  • Like 3

Share this comment


Link to comment
jillar

Posted (edited)

Richard,  just like Linda said, we'll be here if you need an ear....

Edited by jillar
  • Like 2

Share this comment


Link to comment

My deepest sympathy Richard .... You are in our hearts and thoughts at this sad time ...

I'm lost my partner in May to this horrible illness....after a 15 year battle ....

We do understand your pain .... xx

  • Like 2

Share this comment


Link to comment

Yes, I also have thought of you often since you told your story to us Richard. Hope you are doing OK. We are here should you need some support.

  • Like 1

Share this comment


Link to comment

Hey all thanks for the kind words. Right now just doing. Not sure what. Donated her clothes to good will. Just getting rid of things. Cant stop thinking of her every day.Going to a doctor tommorow. You know about the brain fog. Still have it. Went to a neurologist 2 weeks ago.He gave me a complete physical. He is sending me to a cdc doctor in the area tommorow.He says the arm pain is the c-5 and t-7 joint which is what my chiropractor said.As for the brain fog and fatigue he thinks i have neurological lyme. Been saying that to the reg. doctors for months.They took test which really  does not check for it in the brain.I told them they said i do not have it but i thought i did.He said he really agrees with me.He said the testing that is done is not very good.Still not smoking through all of this.I will let you guys know how its going in a few days. Again thanks all for the kind thoughts. Dam it is still so hard to belive   sob

  • Like 2

Share this comment


Link to comment

Dear Richard, so glad to hear from you and know that you have not caved to smoking.  I can not imagine the pain you are experiencing now and hope that your family is there to help sheer you up.  I do hope the doctor can find an answer to your fatigue and brain fog.  I am sure your emotions are playing a part in that.   

I know that words can not ease your pain right now but hope that you feel you can come here to talk or share your feelings.  We are not just here to help you beat the habit.

 

  • Like 3

Share this comment


Link to comment

Thank you for checking in Richard, the whole first year is the hardest. Be it quitting or the death of a loved one 😞 Smoking can and for most of us did produce brain fog for some time when we first quit. I can't remember how long it was for me but it was a good couple of months. Hopefully you'll get some answers soon and be on the road to feeling better at least physically.

I'll be keeping you in my thoughts...……...

Edited by jillar
  • Like 3

Share this comment


Link to comment
Guest
Add a comment...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

About us

QuitTrain®, a quit smoking support community, was created by former smokers who have a deep desire to help people quit smoking and to help keep those quits intact.  This place should be a safe haven to escape the daily grind and focus on protecting our quits.  We don't believe that there is a "one size fits all" approach when it comes to quitting smoking.  Each of us has our own unique set of circumstances which contributes to how we go about quitting and more importantly, how we keep our quits.

 

Our Message Board Guidelines

Get in touch

Follow us

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Guidelines