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Depression.....

Oldybutmouldy

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Everyone gets depressed sometime...….   I seem to be depressed all of the time, but I have this most wonderful mask that I made that hides it from everyone - we all have one - the one that we call our 'everyday face'.

 

My everyday face normally has a wide smile on it, one with crooked yellowing teeth that is just a silly grin, but it hided the real me that I almost never show to anyone.  Those closest to me are the only ones that see my real face more often than not, but even then, I have another mask that I try to keep in place to stop them from sharing as much of my pain as I can, because I love them deeply.

 

I'm here today because it's Christmas and just 3 years and 3 days since my mother died.   I had gone sick from work to live with her during her last 3 months of life.  She had dystonia from when she was 52 years old, which caused the muscles in her neck and one side of her back to pull her over until she was walking with her head down by her knees.  She needed elbow crutches to walk and a wheelchair if she needed to walk more than about 20 yards, but she remained a very strong woman until her death.

 

Those three months were the worst part of my life, but I kept one or other of my masks in place throughout it until the very end, when I could not hold them stable any more.  And after she finally died I just collapsed and kept myself numb for months...….   oh god, this is so very, very hard, but so very necessary for me to face up to right now.  Need to stop for a while.

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Thank you for sharing this part of you oldy. I hope that putting it down in writing will help you find the happiness that each of us deserves...

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We all go through hard times. Sometimes all it takes is a mistake and your whole life get turned upside down. The important thing is to keep a smile on your face and keep going. Hey im going through a hard time right now and i try to keep positive. Sure sometimes i feel depressed too but life must go on...

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Some years ago, i was very depressed, cut my arm and what not. What i did besides medication was lots of walking, eating healthy and sleeping 8 hours a day. And trying to stay positive and active, thats important. So, do you have any hobby? Maybe you like reading, how about you start reading some cheerful books? Just an example. The more you think about depression the more depressed you feel. The mind has a way of controlling everything, placebo ect, so keep fighting your inner dialogue and you should come out on the other side ok. Theres no incurable depression. I know a mother who lost a son, she was devastated for months, maybe years, but now she leads a normal life. Time cures all wounds. Give your inner warrior a chance to shine! :)

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Such a brave post.

 

I can well understand why you feel it most intensely around the anniversary of your mum's passing and I feel for you. No mask can lift the kind of depression you talk about. Please consider seeking additional help with the depression. There are many ways in which this can be helped.

 

You should be proud of yourself for the care and love you provided to your mum. Regardless of her illness, I'm certain she would have appreciated that warmth and affection and she would have known how much she was loved as she faced her final days. What a brave person you are. Don't be too brave though, nobody should face this alone. Mental health is important and for a multitude of reasons 1 in 4 of us these days suffer with mental illness in some way. When you are ready find the support you deserve. Happy to talk to you here or in messanger if that would help.

 

Be kind to yourself!

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You need to speak to a professional. 

 

You can only bury your feelings for so long. Eventually there's nowhere for them to hide and there's one hell of an explosion. 

 

Don't put on a brave face - get some help xx

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