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Death In The West - The Marlboro Story (Full Documentary)
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Sometimes it's still hard and emotional

I don't take failure well. I don't take pointing out or twisting my flaws well.It stillpushes my buttons. Not SOS now but I find it harder when people piss me off. I understand how I gave up a year quit when I feel upset. I won't, cause nothing is worth it but blimey. It's been tough isall.
Still winning

Still winning

14

Almost 7 months

This has been a tough week. It's tuesday! That probably says a lot. And my weird will be in this blog, if it offends please see "ra ra" type posts in the main arena!   I don't understand why I think of smoking when things become tricky. Although it has been my "go to" for my whole adult life, I started to smoke at 13. I had my first at age 9 - the age my oldest daughter is now!! She's a baby!! I can't believe no one noticed me, and yet if you met those I "care for" you'd understand the self ob
Still winning

Still winning

7

6 months and a little bit

Shhh, I feel ok *looks left and right for the easy peasy crew* haha. I don't smoke, 6 other people don't smoke now because I showed it could be done. Of course they were considering it anyway, isn't every smoker considering quitting. Where I am today is where I could only dream of being before and I fully respect that and hold onto it.   Things have really been getting to me lately. I have felt massively overwhelmed, as such some of my posts might have seemed a bit sad, that's life tho. I won
Still winning

Still winning

7

6000 cigs not smokedand still counting

6054 unsmoked cigarettes when I just posted something. That's just a save on so many levels!!   There are a lot of new quitters I'm reading and some great advice being given. Wish I had of followed any of it haha. Claw through quitter, take a bow :) Many a mental moment, throwing my hands skywards and saying for Milly and I. The nope shuffle, switch from foot to foot literally saying nope nope nope. Should of taken shares in cough sweets and nobbys nut for sure...utter miss in planning :)  
Still winning

Still winning

7

How did it happen...

I have been sitting wondering why, why did I become a smoker and how. The word that has sprung to mind all through my quit is insidious! I never "meant" to be a smoker. I didn't "choose" it and yet I ended up at an average of 2 packs per day by age 38, from a first cigarette starting point of age 9.   Age 9, I stole a cig from my mums packet. I don't even remember why. My parents were still together, home life was suspicious but I don't know why I did it. I took it to the shed, took some puffs
Still winning

Still winning

6

Romance is dead...

I am the woman who is always in control. Always leading the charge and I can battle some. Offensive, not defensive. So the romance thoughts always surprise me a little.   What I refer to as my smoking thoughts, have ramped up a little of late. Now that's ok, cause they are pretty small for the most part considering how long, how much and often I smoked, I think I'm pretty lucky overall. My calmer reactions of god I'm surrounded by divs, huff...have been replaced by needing to get away and re
Still winning

Still winning

6

Hello triggers...it's been a while....

I don't much like my Mum. I feel bad saying that but I don't. She mistreated me in the form of emotional manipulation and bullying, for years, but worse the last year and I am done with her. Toxic as it is, she lives with me waiting to be housed by the coucil/authorities and I am her primary carer as she is disabled. It's one of those situations you look on and shake your head for the poor unfortunates involved.   Move backwards 15 years. I was quit. It had been 364 days when my then fiance an
Still winning

Still winning

6

Singing and smoking list

When I gave up somewhere I got the idea to write a list of why I didn't want to do the smoking thing anymore. I added more and more of course, as we quit new benefits and logics come to you. Anyway, orginal list:   -Broke my word to Milly TWICE saying I would quit and didn't -I want to sing along to my songs I like -My cough -Mums health scares me -Want to go out sometimes (money) -Can't afford clothes and shoes which I need. -Florida trip, going nowhere! -£300 a month?!? -Outside smok
Still winning

Still winning

5

13 is lucky for me

It's so easy here. The quit is a wonderful thing still. It never gets old for me, perhaps because I assumed my family were "smokers" and it's what we did.   Today I joined a gym again, and I do exercise classes, a few of them and I still look like a ribena berry at the end lol, but I'm so much fitter. I take deep breaths all the time. I'm even wondering if I learn a new breathing technique to help and teach others...from an ex smoker!! Of 40 a day, who tried to quit and relapsed at a rapid rat
Still winning

Still winning

5

Wallow time completed.

Not my style, not my way but I think I just done wallowed the last two weeks of my life away? Sad, unhappy, over thinking, questioning myself, my life, my parenting - but not my quit. I love that bit by the way, even when life feels like it utterly sucks balls for no apparent reason my quit is still in the "oh yeah, doin it" section. August was the most abhorent, scary emotional month I have seen in some time. I am utterly jaded but re grouping.   I am brutalized I was too unwell to complete
Still winning

Still winning

4

Found my day 1 poem

I keep a journal and I was just browsing for day 1 thoughts and feelings as someone asked for ideas and found the poem/motivational writing I made myself to read by candlelight looking for additional strength, I sat and wrote it the first evening. I will never forget how I felt, a mixture of emotions both sad for what I thought I was giving up and how would I cope and utter exhileration that I might actually make it.   Manic, Panic, I can't breath! Raging, pacing, Inside I seeth. Smilin
Still winning

Still winning

4

What's going on?

It's all a bit hairy in the wonderful world at the moment. At the risk of "engaging my weird", I know the energy is off kilter at the moment and everyone's feeling pretty insecure, I guess I'm no exception.   Quitting: Well that's two who have fallen off that I have cried real hard tears for. I panicked, what if that was me later?? My advice upon more tears from my fella was "you really must stop getting SO involved with everybody". My quit buddy's advice was I'm an "unhinged psycho and my qu
Still winning

Still winning

4

Don't smoke - I will find you :)

Boom and by the gods, got another one sucked in!! My Giles quits tomorrow with a brilliant mindset of - Mart, if you've got it, then so can I! I LOVE this inspiring stuff!! Even if this doesn't take, he is thinking, and seeing it's do-able and I am somehow managing to enable that, simply by quitting!!   And his twin brother is part of my soul group, so if I can suck Giles in, maybe I can suck my Elliott into quitting. By the way some people think soul mates are the bird/bloke they happen
Still winning

Still winning

4

My Mum finally quit!!

Ok, so it took an admission through A&E and two ambulance calls, a cist on the kidney and a damaged and over beating heart whilst literally filling up with fluid at 66 years old.... (and breath) ....but she quit.   She will never read this cause "forums aren't her thing, all those do gooders patting each other on the back" apparently?! But still a one week, bootstrap quit. Just cracked on, some whinging but too scared to smoke anymore.   I am still worried but sooo relieved she is at l
Still winning

Still winning

4

Emotional overload

Tough emotional week, like gritty tough. Living on my nerves but wasn't really concerned about my quit which felt safe and of course, is still safe. My kids are away for the weekend so I can relax and maybe I just drunk too much? Mum lit up in front of me, a conversation went horribly wrong with Chris, then from nowhere - massive crave! Like huge crave, what the hell, where from?! Before I know it I'm out of bed and hunting the house for cigarettes...jeez, really have no idea! I got to the poin
Still winning

Still winning

4

Weebles wobble but they don't fall down..

I want to be all light and airy and supportive on this board. But I don't have that in me right now. Right now real life is not playing ball, or maybe I really am nuts and causing drama in my own life. I can't face anymore arguing, even if I say I don't want to talk, I can't seem to shut my mother up at the moment. She is sniping and shouting and carrying on like quite frankly a child...although that's insulting to kids, cause my kids behave better! Her non quit is doing my frikkin head in, I'd
Still winning

Still winning

4

Twas the night before 11 months...

I haven't planned a treat!! I did a big celebrational thing for 10,000 not smoked recently but this month feels anti climatic. In a good way I suppose, the quit is a done deal like I said...the cravings are gone...I have a thought and think nah, and carry on with my life.   I am lovin the newbies though. They don't post so much though hey, I think that's kinda sad. I remember with fondness some totally pointless and random posts I put in social when I should have just posted please tell me I
Still winning

Still winning

4

7 Months - in a few minutes...

It still makes me smile. I posted up, on a site about 7/8 sites down from the top result as I'd already signed on to all the prior ones in my million quit attempts!! Never posted mind, and couldn't be bothered to try and remember the password! Found a new one, had no idea why as had not planned to do anything but I read a bit and posted! I posted of my intention to quit the following day (had no clue if I could or couldn't actually lol), that I lived with smokers who smoked in my house...it was
Still winning

Still winning

4

6 month thoughts

This is what I posted for how I felt and feel, copied and pasted to my blog for once. - Don't put anything in your mouth and set it on fire! Actually, when someone put it like that it sounded like a pretty stupid plan anyway :) - Smoking is not on the table. Shortened to SNOT, thank goodness, my memory is shot from kids, I can remember short words! - NOPE - yep, like SNOT. Going with the KISS philosophy (keep it simple stupid) - One puff away from a pack a day There were so many reasons
Still winning

Still winning

3

5 beautiful months

My quit still will always me happy. I put it on a pedestal with other amazing things I've done. I think I value it so highly because I understand my quit was an addict literally fighting for a life! I see all day every day the effects of smoking related illness and one can only be an emu for so long.   I knew I needed help. I am pretty tough :) I have been through some situations which I am lucky enough grew me into a spiritual and warrior type of force. Do not misunderstand that, I am incredi
Still winning

Still winning

3

I think it just got easier again

Sometimes, when you least expect it, this quitting malarky ramps itself up a gear.   I was soo upset and angry earlier in the week. I knew I wouldn't smoke, I did think about it read my own answer to an sos (which it wasn't but precautionary). It suddenly felt like an answer from another lifetime. I have cigs in the house, have the whole quit though so not new or a plan, and I thought "I wish it would help, I know it won't, sigh". And just carried on being upset.   Like a non smoker!!   Ha
Still winning

Still winning

3

Strength from the quit, or quit from the strength...

Sometimes, we go through things. There is always a reason in my humble opinion.   Every time I hit a milestone, or another 1,000 cigarettes not smoked, I celebrate. No matter what is going on, no matter how I am financially. The reason for this is simple, I believe this freedom was hard fought for. I have often given thanks to friends here, newer and older quits for helping me find my path to finally make this attempt stick. I have had major wobbles, even an SOS back in April and untold swear
Still winning

Still winning

3

My mojo is back!!

I am a quit buddy whore, I have two cause I'm greedy like that. Just my new one talking about getting back on the train has reminded me I always wanted this. My older and yet strangely skirted (for a fella) and experienced one has reminded me all the way through that I have had this since day 1. I don't know as if I forgot that per se, I think I was safe...but I forgot the severity with which I wanted this freedom. Talking someone else through it and actually my beloved cousin asking me about i
Still winning

Still winning

3

I just know

I've had a wine or 5. At times like these I like to write, I find myself more honest when inbetween sober and tipsy.   I'm close to 10K not smoked. I'm marking time waiting for it if I'm honest. I really want to get there and "get er done".   I really have to push myself to think of smoking now. I mean, I can't imagine a scenario that means I would fall off the wagon.   My quit is comfortable now. Not to say I never have a thought, I do, but it never overtakes me anymore. I just know thi
Still winning

Still winning

3

9 month thoughts

It was simply time. I had run out of excuses as to why I couldn't. Tried being every type of smoker and relapsed at a rate that would scare you silly. Every single person in my life wanted me to quit. Some to help them quit too, most because they worried for me. I would smoke 30-40 per day, indoors or out socialising. Every day! My quit is a bit of a non entity to me now. I almost think that can be a bit sad, so I make sure I celebrate myself so I never forget what was for me, a battle that I c
Still winning

Still winning

3

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