Wallow time completed.

Not my style, not my way but I think I just done wallowed the last two weeks of my life away? Sad, unhappy, over thinking, questioning myself, my life, my parenting - but not my quit. I love that bit by the way, even when life feels like it utterly sucks balls for no apparent reason my quit is still in the "oh yeah, doin it" section. August was the most abhorent, scary emotional month I have seen in some time. I am utterly jaded but re grouping.

I am brutalized I was too unwell to complete my healing module in the legitamate "insurance" world. FFS, I have been using my skills since before I knew what the skills were!! - and I can't practice in the real world due to insurance?! Why has my path gotta put so many road blocks in the way to make me always think I'm missing something I need to know. Meh, sucky stupid timings.

So, phew. Ok, it's time to put my childish thoughts behind me. It's my birth month :) The time where I reset my year, my year by the way, i get the january the 1st thing but I think at your birthday, you should do a life review and set in motion your plans for your next year. SO .... By this time next year I want to have clients, who I can lay my (non smoking YEY) hands on and help. I need to start working on a "proper job" skill set and I still have no clue, but 7 days left.

So if now, when my baby girl starts full time school (mortified). And my Mum is still utterly scared but possibly closet smoking again (div). And the world feels like it is testing me - if now - my quit is in safe hands.... then I'm going to assume that even though I have an occasional thought to smoke that I'm all good and not worry anymore. I love that I can pay it forward though, that's so fab! 11 days until 6 months quit!! Multiple quits inspired by mine!! New friends!! I don't know why I spent a month uneasy?? It's as great as it always was :) A blocked path is not a roadblock, it's an opportunity to know more. Stay focused.

Quitting is a journey, not an event. Eternal vigilance. Addiction. All true, but look at the strength that surrounds this site, these people. This is a great time to be here and it feels amazing to pay it forward. I think I will be happy about it for a while.

PS, I may have had a wine, thus promtping such happiness lol, but still, it's pretty cool being a small part of this place that saves people and heals them :)

x