6 months and a little bit

Great post Marti!  

You are an awesome non- smoker and an inspiration to me. :)

I always enjoy your blogs Marti

I will be interested to see how you handle all this, Marti. I sense that you and I have a lot in common in many ways. For sure, I am one of those people who decided years ago that "I am what I am, like it or lump it." I know that there are others here with the same attitude. 

The tricky part, however, is that you have to accept the consequences of such a decision. I, for example, have no friends. None. Zero. Well, I take that back. I have one dear friend who lives 1500 miles away and has done for 30 years. But other than that, there is not one single person who I can call up and cry on his/her shoulder. There is not one single person in town who I am certain would come for dinner if I invited them. 

So be careful how you choose to live your life. You say that you've been miserable lately-- lonely, crying, a hermit. That seems to bother you a lot. Only you can know if the "real you" is a warm, friendly, selfless person who attracts and enjoys other people. Or is the "real you" a shy, reserved, maverick who projects a persona that you don't need anybody and so you don't have anybody?

If you defy peer pressure and disdain group standards, prepare to have a very, very small circle of friends. If you want a large and diverse social set, you may have to pretend to like a lot of people you don't really like. It's a choice we all have to make.

By the way, if you haven't read the book "The Help" I strongly suggest that you do so. Among other things, it is an excellent depiction of what happens to your social life if you stick to principles that other people don't share. 

Miserable, a little but not lonely or crying. I have actually suffered with anger rather than sadness. I can be sad and deal ok with that, however people have taken me for granted, basically used me to make their lives better, easier, more entertaining, that's not ok.  When I need to work something out I hermit, retreat and go insular...it's how I'm able to process everything, my way I guess. Now I have thought it all through and decided a battle is the wrong way.

Friends don't do much for me, I am too different. I don't fit into a mould :)  I have two close girlfriends and Chris (who I'm now with) and Lee. These 4 people are my backbone. Plus my two daughters. I would quite happily deal with no one else tbh, those guys are more than enough so I have no worries. I genuinely love time alone to learn, read, meditate etc. 

Thanks for caring. xx

That's great, Marti. It sounds like you know what you want and what you will not tolerate and are willing to live with the consequences. Perfect! You have my permission to continue marching to your different drummer. (LOL!)  

stick with the people who love your different, everything else is just noise

you are doing great marti but dont forget to take out of the pot occasionally you need a hug too sometimes xxx

sending you a hug xxx

You only live once.... live it the good way.