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6 months and a little bit


Still winning

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Shhh, I feel ok *looks left and right for the easy peasy crew* haha. I don't smoke, 6 other people don't smoke now because I showed it could be done. Of course they were considering it anyway, isn't every smoker considering quitting. Where I am today is where I could only dream of being before and I fully respect that and hold onto it.

 

Things have really been getting to me lately. I have felt massively overwhelmed, as such some of my posts might have seemed a bit sad, that's life tho. I won't pretend to be something I'm not and I refuse to be fake. My support for the people here has been unwavering, of course it always will be. The rest of my life has seen yet another hermit month, where I regroup. I'm sure the swear thread has been fully utilized! Sometimes I wish the journey wasn't so hard, but it's only through the tough times of my life that true enlightenment or the next stage, whatever you call it, comes to light.

 

I like that through the last month when I consider smoking it is easy to dismiss the thought. I mean I get the right royal hump I have the thoughts, but that mental baseball bat is dead handy! Getting some violence about this quittin malarky lol.

 

I get what the easy crew are saying now. It isn't that quittin is a walk in the park, it's how you aim your mind. I fear I did this the hard way again, shocker!! So I stand (sit, it's been a long day!) and say this - henceforth, I am going to do all in my power to be happier.

 

Aside from that, new plan, live my life the way I want too. At the risk of sounding like a dodgy song, I am what I am, like it or lump it. I have too much self worth to be trodden down now, too much confidence to be afraid of being judged. They can do what they want and say what they want. I am really ok. It's taken a while. And a few people. And a shedload of people telling me I am worthwhile.

 

This here train will never know what they did for me and I will pay it forward with all I'm worth. In the interim I feel 6 months is a real turning point for me. I was waiting for it and I do defo feel calmer today then I did a week ago. Don't matter tho, no matter what I'm a non smoker :)

 

Non smoker, sounds pretty cool to me. Missed my peace of 4 months, feel like it's ready to settle on me again and I'm more than ready. BOOM!!

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I will be interested to see how you handle all this, Marti. I sense that you and I have a lot in common in many ways. For sure, I am one of those people who decided years ago that "I am what I am, like it or lump it." I know that there are others here with the same attitude. 

 

The tricky part, however, is that you have to accept the consequences of such a decision. I, for example, have no friends. None. Zero. Well, I take that back. I have one dear friend who lives 1500 miles away and has done for 30 years. But other than that, there is not one single person who I can call up and cry on his/her shoulder. There is not one single person in town who I am certain would come for dinner if I invited them. 

 

So be careful how you choose to live your life. You say that you've been miserable lately-- lonely, crying, a hermit. That seems to bother you a lot. Only you can know if the "real you" is a warm, friendly, selfless person who attracts and enjoys other people. Or is the "real you" a shy, reserved, maverick who projects a persona that you don't need anybody and so you don't have anybody?

 

If you defy peer pressure and disdain group standards, prepare to have a very, very small circle of friends. If you want a large and diverse social set, you may have to pretend to like a lot of people you don't really like. It's a choice we all have to make.

 

By the way, if you haven't read the book "The Help" I strongly suggest that you do so. Among other things, it is an excellent depiction of what happens to your social life if you stick to principles that other people don't share. 

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Miserable, a little but not lonely or crying. I have actually suffered with anger rather than sadness. I can be sad and deal ok with that, however people have taken me for granted, basically used me to make their lives better, easier, more entertaining, that's not ok.  When I need to work something out I hermit, retreat and go insular...it's how I'm able to process everything, my way I guess. Now I have thought it all through and decided a battle is the wrong way.

 

Friends don't do much for me, I am too different. I don't fit into a mould :)  I have two close girlfriends and Chris (who I'm now with) and Lee. These 4 people are my backbone. Plus my two daughters. I would quite happily deal with no one else tbh, those guys are more than enough so I have no worries. I genuinely love time alone to learn, read, meditate etc. 

 

Thanks for caring. xx

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That's great, Marti. It sounds like you know what you want and what you will not tolerate and are willing to live with the consequences. Perfect! You have my permission to continue marching to your different drummer. (LOL!)  

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stick with the people who love your different, everything else is just noise

 

you are doing great marti but dont forget to take out of the pot occasionally you need a hug too sometimes xxx

 

sending you a hug xxx

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QuitTrain®, a quit smoking support community, was created by former smokers who have a deep desire to help people quit smoking and to help keep those quits intact.  This place should be a safe haven to escape the daily grind and focus on protecting our quits.  We don't believe that there is a "one size fits all" approach when it comes to quitting smoking.  Each of us has our own unique set of circumstances which contributes to how we go about quitting and more importantly, how we keep our quits.

 

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