A married man was having an affair with his secretary.

One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon.

Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM. The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove home. 'Where have you been?' his wife demanded. 'I can't lie to you,' he replied, 'I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon.' She looked down at his shoes and said : 'You lying Bastard !You've been playing golf !!!!

 

Edited August 19Aug 19 by Reciprocity

 

Edited August 19Aug 19 by Reciprocity

• A car full of Irish nuns is sitting at a traffic light in downtown Dublin, when a bunch of rowdy drunks pull up alongside of them.

• "Hey, show us yer teets, ya bloody penguins!" shouts one of the drunks.

• Quite shocked, Mother Superior turns to Sister Mary Immaculata and says, "I don't think they know who we are; show them your cross."

• Sister Mary Immaculata rolls down her window and shouts, "Piss off, ya fookin' little wankers, before I come over there and rip yer balls off!"

• Sister Mary Immaculata then rolls up her window, looks back at Mother Superior, quite innocently, and asks, "Did that sound cross enough!

I'd been dating a nurse for a few days, and things finally heated up enough for us to take it to the bedroom.

As I stripped down, feeling a bit bold, l asked her, "So, working at the hospital, you must see plenty of packages. How does mine stack up?"

She looked it over and smiled. "Honestly, it's slightly bigger than most of the ones I deal with."

Puffed up with pride, I beamed, "Aw, thanks babe! What department do you work in again?"

She replied, "I'm a midwife."

Who was the roundest knight in King Arthur’s court?

Sir Cumference.

a distant cousin…….