June 11Jun 11 In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day an acquaintance ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about Diogenes?" "Wait a moment," Socrates replied, "Before you tell me, I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test." "Triple filter?" asked the acquaintance. "That's right," Socrates continued, "Before you talk to me about Diogenes let's take a moment to filter what you're going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?" "No," the man said, "Actually I just heard about it." "All right," said Socrates, "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about Diogenes something good?" "No, on the contrary..." "So," Socrates continued, "You want to tell me something about Diogenes that may be bad, even though you're not certain it's true?" The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued, "You may still pass the test though because there is a third filter, the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about Diogenes going to be useful to me?" "No, not really." "Well," concluded Socrates, "If what you want to tell me is neither true nor good nor even useful, why tell it to me or anyone at all?" The man was bewildered and ashamed. This is an example of why Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem. It also explains why Socrates never found out, that Diogenes was banging his wife.
June 27Jun 27 Jerry walks into the lingerie department at Macys and says to the sales associate, Id like a Southern Baptist bra for my wife, size 34B. With a puzzled look, the sales associate asks, A what? A Southern Baptist bra, Jerry repeats. My wife told me to ask for one. She said youd know exactly what she meant. Oh, yes, the sales associate says with a smile. Now I understand. We dont get many requests for those anymore. Most of our customers these days ask for the Catholic bra, the Salvation Army bra, or the Presbyterian bra. Confused, Jerry asks, So whats the difference? The sales associate replies, Its really quite simple. The Catholic bra supports the masses. The Salvation Army bra lifts the fallen. And the Presbyterian bra keeps them staunch and upright. Jerry thinks about it for a moment before asking, Hmmm I know Im going to regret this, but what does the Southern Baptist bra do? The sales associate smiles and replies, Ah the Southern Baptist bra makes mountains out of molehills.
July 1Jul 1 A taxi driver picks up a nun. As she settles into the back seat, she notices the handsome driver keeps glancing at her in the rearview mirror. Finally, she asks, My son, why do you keep staring at me? The driver replies, I have something I'd like to ask, but I'm afraid it might offend you. The nun smiles warmly. My son, at my age, and after spending so many years as a nun, I've seen and heard just about everything. I doubt you could say anything that would offend me. The driver takes a deep breath. Well... I've always had a dream of receiving a kiss from a nun. The nun thinks for a moment and says, Well, perhaps that can be arranged... but only if you meet two conditions: First, you must be single. Second, you must be Catholic. The driver grins. I am! I'm single, and I'm Catholic. Very well, the nun says. Pull into the next quiet alley. A few moments later, they return to the road. The driver suddenly begins to cry. My dear child, the nun asks gently, why are you crying? Please forgive me, he says. I lied. I'm actually married... and I'm Jewish. The nun smiles and replies, That's all right. My name is Kevin... ...and I'm on my way to a costume party.
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