So this year, Jan 2nd, the missus and I decided we should separate for a while and she moved out of the house to a city 3hrs from here by car. 

We still meet, talk, what have you... 

 

The thing that is irking me right now, after a little over a month and a half of living on my own, is that all the

guys and gals, wives and husbands that were hanging out with me back when I was having trouble are now nowhere to be found. 

 

When I was drinking myself to sleep every night they were here, telling me I should do this and I should do that, or I should tell her this,

and I should say that...  And so I did.  But guess what, Where are they now?

 

These days when I say, "Hey, come over and hang out..." They are busy.  My phone hasn't rang because someone, who cared so much before,

has decided to call and check up on me or to see how I've been doing....

 

It's all right though.   I've had a lot of thinking time, and I've been a man-child for a long time, so now I guess I finally realizing it's time to shut up

and grow up.

 

It's all right though.   I've had a lot of thinking time, and I've been a man-child for a long time, so now I guess I finally realizing it's time to shut up and grow up.

 

I heard that.

 

I guess it's time to meet some new friends? Sounds like it is hard right now.  I think people generally have their routines and when you try to deviate from where you fit in their lives, it may be difficult. I left a job of 20 years recently and with that a large group of friends. I am trying to meet new people too so I am trying new things like some new classes, gym, meet up groups. As far as old friends from work, a few I will keep in contact while others will fade away.  I keep trying with the few that I truly like. 

I heard you too and will have to get back to this.  The topic deserves a logical response, which eludes me at this hour of the morning with little coffee in my system.  For now....it may seem a dark time, and it is on some level but the ironic thing is you need this time to reflect and reorganize.  Better days are ahead,  promise!!! 

"

 

I think people generally have their routines and when you try to deviate from where you fit in their lives, it may be difficult.

 

 I think what Beacon said here ^^^ is spot on.  When people make some kind of significant change, others around them are not always sure how to deal with it.  Great time to explore new things, like Beacon is doing.  :)

 

Sorry for what you are going through, but it sounds like it may be good for you.   

Alone time is A Good Thing.

 

 

Easy Peasy

Alone time is A Good Thing.

 

Absolutely.

 

In our culture silence and solitude are treated like the first step towards crippling depression.  Actually, alone time is the perfect time to prioritize and get your head straight.  After that, everything else starts to make sense.

I think we run scared of being alone, and sometimes our "friends" can't see what to say. I think it's ok to have some time to re group and to call those friends saying "hey, where you at"? Too many people say nothing at all for fear of saying the wrong things.

 

xx

Thank you all for the replies and supporting words. It's a bitter sweet time. 

Bar friends are just that. Remove the bar, remove the friend. They will become "someone I used to hang with"

 

Two divorces under my belt. Like the song that says "now I got a scar I can talk about". Make a list of good and bad on the wife. Them see which is not just longer but what has more important things on it. Not just "I love her" important but things like trust and fairness, support and caring.

 

Now if the free the bitch column wins.....get ready for the "year of living dangerously". Some life changing and fun experience lay ahead.

 

Last thought Why is divorce so expensive??????

 

 

Because it's worth it.

I wouldn't go as far as to say bitchiness, but more along the lines of priorities: work or us.  I got tired of it really and felt if its gonna be like this we might as well not even live together...  and from that it just escalated to where it is now... 

Bar friends are just that. Remove the bar, remove the friend. They will become "someone I used to hang with"

 

Two divorces under my belt. Like the song that says "now I got a scar I can talk about". Make a list of good and bad on the wife. Them see which is not just longer but what has more important things on it. Not just "I love her" important but things like trust and fairness, support and caring.

 

Now if the free the bitch column wins.....get ready for the "year of living dangerously". Some life changing and fun experience lay ahead.

 

Last thought Why is divorce so expensive??????

 

 

Because it's worth it.

Agree with the gist of this. It becomes about how you are prepared to live. If you are constantly off balance or unhappy then something must give. 

 

Also I want to say the first while of being alone can be terrifying and feel extremely lonely. I use a smoking thought of it's more like a journey then an event to separate. Give the thoughts and adjustments some time and go gently on yourself. Lots of self work. You mention work and a man child mentality but now the time of judgements are finished you get to make the tweaks and choices to how you want to be. Feeling lonely, join clubs, online forums for hobbies, take upa course at the local college...

 

Choices, life is all about making them and we're here to live, not exist! That's the good and the bad, a "wallow day" is a good and healthy thing whereas a wallowing life is not. 

 

Mood enhancers, excersise, walking in nature, connections to people you care for, meditation (yes really!, try free guided ones on youtube), having or doing things that make you smile.

 

x