I, Evelyn was away for a few days. You have to know I have dissociative idenity disorder known as multple personality disorder. One of my parts (as I call them) was there but the house of cards was blown over today, them saying we want Evelyn the host on the foregound.

 

Iris did a good job, who was there the last few days (and wrote the blogs) but my parts want ME to do the job and live my life, with support of them in the background. 

 

I have as many as 100 parts but mostly 10 are active or 'awake'. This is caused by severe early trauma in childhood. 

 

For the record, my parts are NOT demons and on the main board all of us will write under the name Evelyn. Which is MY name and I am the host and main, but still there are hours or days when I chicken and someone else has to do the job :P 

 

Don't worry, don't expect me to sign under a different name from now on LOL Just wanted some trusted members to know. As I sometimes can seem 'different people', which is true in the sense you deal with another part for a while. Those parts have different names, gender and age and memories. 

 

I was told Iris wrote two amazing blogs and that you all supported her, us in an amazing way! 

 

In return I am just being honest that I am a we LOL 

 

Never boring. 

 

I know this might be scary to some but you can compair it to a cake which is cut into pieces. That is me. And sometimes you deal with a different piece of cake Whahahahaha  :lol:

 

 

I have intense therapy too, and this might explain better why I need to first stop smoking and use NRT gum otherwise I switch and someone freaks out internally and buys a pack. 

 

I REALLY hope I am not making a mistake by posting this. This is a vunerable post but you guys are amazing and I think most of you are willing to not judge me on this one. 

 

Now, this piece of cake - Evelyn - says a HUGE THANKS to all of for supporting me (us) on the little SOS topic

 

Evelyn

 

 

Did I mention how glad I am to have you all as friends?

 

I dont think it is a mistake to post and I am happy that you feel safe here to tell us, it kind of humbles me in a way. You can beat the addiction to cigs one day at a time. Gentle hugs to you. 

You have not made a mistake by posting this at all.  We are here to support you and help you in any way that we can.  It shows your inner strength to be able to share this amongst friends.

 

This is a non-judgmental support group so nobody is going to judge you.  We're here to protect you and in the event that this is challenged, the offending person will be tossed.  We do not judge.  :)

Sorry to hear this, is there medication or something I don't know that can maybe help, iris/evelyn, sorry I don't know anyone who suffers with this so I'm at a loss as to what to say but if you need anything just shout,

So how many names/people are you/is there??

Did this start when your mam past away?

Thank you Frez.

I feel touched by your reply. 

You know I've had my share of 'ow their demons' or 'they need to be driven out' etc. 

Or just plain, 'get over it' reactions.

I am not posting for an 'aww you're such a sorry person,' response... but just some insight of who I am and WHY I react sometimes the way I do.

 

Don't worry the littles won't post over here. They have their own safe space on facebook ;)

 

But JUST so you know where I come from. I already mentioned I had flashbacks and panick attacks - all a result of my traumatic childhood. 

 

In fact I've been away for practicly 10 years (on Effexor) till last February and then I came back so NOW I'm discovering my mom died and that's why I am mourning her NOW; the last 10 years my parts all were juggling to keep the balls up but there was no sign of me, Evelyn, too big of crisis. 

 

So the last 3 days Iris dealed with daily life, but she and others in my alter system didn't handle that well so now I am back. They say 'now you are back, Evelyn, you gotta deal with life too'. 

 

And it can be hell sometimes!

The Sarge says: Phooooey!

 

If one can quit, they all can quit and it's not a problem.

 

One for all and all for one,  right?

 

Right?

 

 

 

Easy Peasy

Evelyn it is never a mistake to lean on friends and lets hope in time we see more of Evelyn but we accept all here but we must educate them all to be non smokers xx

Sorry to hear this, is there medication or something I don't know that can maybe help, iris/evelyn, sorry I don't know anyone who suffers with this so I'm at a loss as to what to say but if you need anything just shout,

So how many names/people are you/is there??

Did this start when your mam past away?

No I wasn't able to develop a indenity due severe abuse and trauma before the age of 5 by my father. So 'I split up' everytime he came to abuse me. My mom was back then often drunk and didn't protect me. 

That hurts most, it delayed the grief too - blaming my mom more then my dad for my trauma's. She should have protected me. When in early childhood a child is molested and abused (often sexually) it is possible the victim start dissociating to survive as an coping mechanism. Floating above the body, watching the event for example - until my 16th I had no memories of abuse at all. Only a very bad relationship with me dad he always pushed my buttons (weird huh) until I discovered it myself I have DID and was diagnosed 10 years ago. 

 

Lately me parts have shared memories of abuse, they took on their shoulders to protect me. That is hard but manageable. But the grief, The loss of our mother who was a huge support to us the last years until 2007 makes me feel like falling apart.

 

I'm rambling sorry 

Thank you for sharing and putting your trust in all of us. That is a big deal.

 

Personally, I think you are a very brave woman, and after reading this I believe that you can quit smoking for good.

 

Good to speak with you Evelyn. And just so you know, when you post it doesn't matter if it is the true Evelyn, or one of your 'alters', I will treat you all equally; I will try to help in any way that I can :)

Evelyn it is never a mistake to lean on friends and lets hope in time we see more of Evelyn but we accept all here but we must educate them all to be non smokers xx

 

True, some think they cannot live without nicotine that's why I relapsed when I took of the patch. Now I need to take an occassional gum because if the withdrawls get too bad I switch and someone flips and buys a pack. Thinking their dying. 

 

We once went psychotic by quitting cold turkey, not severe but it was terrifying it set off a crisis. 

Evelyn...I am touched by your story and your courage. ((((((Big hugs)))))))))

@ Action. You made me smile and my parts too. And you know why? They came to help me survive and you accept them, that means a lot. 

Thanks Babs (((hugs)))

Its my understanding that the others were there to protect you from early age - maybe they need to listen to you as you are the prime personality here that they need to help you get away from nicotine and smoke as this is harming you and they are supposed to protect you from harm

 

maybe tell them if you stay quit you will be around longer which means so will they

Evelyn,

We are here to support everyone.  That includes both Evelyn and Iris.  No judgement.  Thank you for trusting us enough to share such a personal part of you.  You are one brave lady!  

Yeah but they have developed some 'not so healthy' coping mechanisms like self injury for example. And smoking. That 'why they say 'now fix it, we fixed your trouble...' Although they do back me up like you've seen with Iris. 

 

But I do a lot of internal communication, they don't listen anyone in the system accept me BECAUSE I am the host. Still if very upset I need to call my surrogate mom to help me / us calm down.

 

But today they litterally pushed me to the foreground, you are the main, so deal with it we back you up.

Ow and Iris watched over my shoulder but you know what they say there's only one Captain? Point is I need to give room and space for them to do their thing too like reading, music, tv etc. Everybody wants something else. 

Jesus you've been through far too much, if you ever need someone to talk to I am always here for you x

Thank you Jaja :)

This video is about us surviving (the artists working hard to perform) and then never give up love!

 

Wow Evelyn. 

 

Thank you very much for the trust you have shown us by sharing this.

 

You are a brave lady - and I'm very honoured to have met you all.

 

Keep smiling, keep working and you will make this quit stick!

You buddy are one of the people who shown me that it was trusted to post this!

 

One of the most beautifull songs I ever heard that applies to me