September 4, 201412 yr Dear paranoid people who check behind shower curtains for murderers; if you find one, what's your plan?
September 4, 201412 yr Doctor to patient......your overweight.... Patient....I think I want a second opinion.... Doctor.....your also ugly....
September 4, 201412 yr Why do men get married...... So they don't have to hold in thier stomachs anymore....
September 4, 201412 yr I can't see an end. I have no control and I don't think there's any escape - I don't even have a home anymore. Definitely time for a new keyboard.
September 4, 201412 yr Maria, a devout Catholic, got married and had 10 children. After her first husband died, she remarried and had 10 more children. A few weeks after her second husband died, Maria also passed away. At Maria's funeral, the priest looked skyward and said, "At last, they're finally together." Her sister sitting in the front row said, "Excuse me, Father, but do you mean she and her first husband, or she and her second husband?" The priest replied, "I mean her legs."
September 4, 201412 yr I hate people that say, "He's a nice person once you get to know him." They might as well just say, "He's a dickhead, but you'll get used to it."
September 4, 201412 yr For real - I'm the kind of guy who stops the microwave at 1 second just to feel like a bomb defuser.
September 4, 201412 yr What you call a guy with no arms or legs that can swim from one end of the pool to the other.... Clever dick....
September 4, 201412 yr What's the difference between inlaws and outlaws? .... Outlaws are actually wanted.
September 4, 201412 yr An agnostic, dyslexic, insomniac stays up all night wondering if there's a dog.
September 4, 201412 yr What's the difference between inlaws and outlaws? .... Outlaws are actually wanted. ROFLMAO!!!
September 4, 201412 yr Read this one earlier today and thought it was pretty funny: Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Pixar collection, except one. He's never gonna give you Up.
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