what did the grape say when an elephant sat on it?

 

 

 

 

 

 

nothing it just let out a little whine!

oh my goodness, how do you guys remember all these!! I always forget the punchline or a crucial bit!

why was the sand wet?

 

 

 

because the sea weed!

What did the psychiatrist say when a man wearing nothing but saran wrap walked into his office?

 

 

 

 

 

 

i can clearly see your`re nuts!

How does an octopus go to war?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Well armed

(ba dum tss)

Why does a Moon-rock taste better than an Earth-rock?

 

 

 

Because it's a little meteor.

(ba dum tss)

Why are all of the frogs around here dead?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Because they keep croaking!

What did the traffic light say to the car?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Don't look, I'm changing. 

At a recent job interview:-

 

What would you consider to be your your main weaknesses and strenghts?

 

Well, my main weakness would be my issues with reality, telling what's real from what's not.

 

And your strengths?

 

I'm Batman

At a recent job interview:-

 

What would you consider to be your your main weaknesses and strenghts?

 

Well, my main weakness would be my issues with reality, telling what's real from what's not.

 

And your strengths?

 

I'm Batman

Sorry this got me....hilerious....I've wet myself.....

How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for his birthday?

 

 

 

 

 

 

He felt his presents.

Ok...clean pants....what you call a Arab alcoholic........mustafa pint.....

What do you call someone who spreads chickpeas and garlic over thier geniatals.....

 

 

A hummussexual......

Saw a chameleon today...

 

So, I guess it's safe to say it was a pretty shit chameleon.

What do you call someone who spreads chickpeas and garlic over thier geniatals.....

 

 

A hummussexual......

 

LOL   :lol2:

Saw a chameleon today...

 

So, I guess it's safe to say it was a pretty shit chameleon.

Ahhhhh! hahahaha!!!

What happens to priests that eat chili dogs?

 

 

 

They have to sit in their own pew. 

What do you call a psychic midget who escaped from prison?

 

 

 

A small medium at large... 

I'm not saying let's go kill all the stupid people. I'm just saying let's remove all the warning labels and let the problem work itself out.

I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People move out of the way much faster now.

You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. If they are holding a gun, she's probably angry.

Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they drink like their fathers.

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like someone? That's common sense leaving your body.

I don't like making plans for the day because then the word "premeditated" get's thrown around in the courtroom.

I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row