Need distraction!!  And to laugh, the tissue bill is about to go through the roof here...my baby's first day at school.... 3 hours 25 minutes till pick up time.

 

What's your favourite joke or link to make me smile. Idon't like all this crying and depressive stuff and my little Bella is happy as larry whilst I am a mess :(

2 parrots on a perch, one says to the other, can you smell fish?

How rude do you want them?!

Not sure how to answer that Action... I am not known as one offended by smut lol?

How do you catch a bra?

 

Set up a booby trap!

 

Ba dum tss

How rude do you want them?!

l.ol....smutty boy....it's being top dangler.....

2 fish in a tank, one says to the other, how do you drive this thing ?

I will try to keep it clean for our friends ;)

What kind of horses go out after dusk?

 

 

 

 

Nightmares!

 

 

 

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin.

What do sharks say when something radical happens?

 

 

 

 

Jawesome

 

 

 

Like most people my age, I'm 32.

What's black and white and makes a lot of noise......

 

 

 

A zebra with a drum kit......

What did one Maths book say to the other math book...

 

 

 

Geez I've got some problems.....

What kind of shoes does a nin,ja wear...........sneakers......

A guy goes to the doctor - I have a steering wheel in my underpants

 

Doctor replies - it must be driving ya nuts !!

So I had a dream last night I was cutting carrots with the grim reaper... Dicing with death.

I saw this bloke trying to chat up a cheetah and I though "he's trying to pull a fast one"

A friend of mine always wanted to be run over by a steam train, when it happened he was chuffed to bits

I saw a TV for sake for £1, volume stuck in full. I thought, you can't turn that down

I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what. Never again.

Doctor,doctor,I think I've swallowed my pen.....what shall I do.?

 

Use a pencil till I get there.....

During Antiques Roadshow today, I looked at the 19th century mahogany chest of drawers in the corner of my living room and thought:

 

"Maybe that's where the f*****g remote is."