Not only the smoking thing, but constant death and loss of your family and friends.  I have come to the conclusion that I am ANGRY, ANGRY and ANGRY.

 

I am sick of doing everything by myself. I am so stupid thinking I can keep things under control when I can't.

The only people I have left are my son and DIL and I will not put this on them. I don't want them to know how much I struggle.  

I miss all the simple things of everyday life.  Sitting on the patio chatting and watching the dogs play, going to the grocery with someone to plan meals for the following week.  Missing the fact my son is grown and I no longer have a home filled with hungry teenage boys, yelling like crazy playing video games.  Missing those boys come in the kitchen and say Mrs. Mom,  we need food, and my answer, I can fix that. Missing my husband taking me for ice cream or hot chocolate. Missing my Mom call that she had messed up the TV again and can I come fix it.

I am tired and having a really bad day, Can anyone relate. I just want to scream and cry and beat my head against concrete.

K

 

 

 

Edited June 29, 20215 yr by Kris
no last names

Change is hard. Losing your husband sucks! Mine passed away, very suddenly,  7 years ago. I was in a literal daze, for a full year. The good news is Life does go on. I met my current partner 21/2 years ago, and we are a strong couple. Don’t rule out new love coming your way. In my case, I sought it out, by putting myself out there. The stories I could tell about some of the awful dates I had would have you laughing. Have faith that it will get better, and remember that you can control your own destiny.  When you are ready, take a chance. What have you got to lose?

 

 

 

Katgirl,

I lost my husband 10 1/2 years ago.  He was and is my only, childhood sweethearts. I have no desire to meet anyone else just want him to come back or come get me.  For a few years after he passed I was in close contact with his friends from the USPS.  Going for lunch and or dinner every weekend. But as we  have learned the hard way, nothing is forever and that now includes smoking.

 

I have to admit I like to smoke but it is not socially accepted anymore.  People look down on you for it.  They have their own issues that they do not face but think it is okay to judge you.  That is something I can't take well.  No one should stand in judgement of others.  We all have  a cross to bear. To be truthful I would not have quit without the medical issues coming into play. I hate to confess but I am all out of faith, strength, courage.....I have used it all up.  The last little bit I have will use for the quit.

K

 

Sounds like you are struggling with depression. Please do not hesitate to seek professional help. I struggle with severe anxiety issues, and have dealt with depression, at various times, throughout my adult life. Currently,  I talk with Ava psychologist weekly and have a Psychiatrist for meds, when needed. I realized a long time ago that there is no shame in asking for help. Life is precious,  and we should take advantage of all tools at our disposal, to ensure we make the best of it.

I can relate @Kris, I get angry when I think of how my life was before oxygen. But I just decided that I don't want to be mad everyday. Even if I wake up angry I try to find something to smile about and lift my spirits. 

There's lots you can do still to give your life purpose. Have you considered volunteering? Maybe even fostering a shelter animal? 

I'm lucky to have a cat and dog, both are 17 now so everyday with them is a gift and I want to make sure they don't feel my bad energy 🤗

Dear Katgirl

You are absolutely correct, I do suffer from depression, anxiety and panic attacks....have all my life.

I do have professional care and crazy as it sounds when my husband was sick it kind of went away.

I was so focused on his health that I did not have time to breathe. When he died I fell into  a deeper black hole. Lord knows I try and try everyday.  Sorry, just having a pity party today.

K

@Kris I agree with katgirl I to lost my husband several years ago. The loss of a loved one is very hard!!! But you have grand kids who I am sure love there grandma. Please reach out for help,you don't have to do this alone. I have lost two sisters, two brother in-laws , mother and father and friends I have a very close friend fighting a terminal illness in the hospital right now. Life sucks sometimes but I am sure our loved ones would want us to be happy. So I have crappy days also, I feel your pain. I also live alone and I have a dog also.So hang in there you are not alone!!!

Linda,

 

I know all of this is a normal part of life, we all are going to suffer loss, health issues,etc. Why do they have to come so fast.  I am reaching out and know I have found all of you.  I really appreciate everyone taking the time to offer advice and/or just chat!

K

2 hours ago, Kris said:

I am tired and having a really bad day, Can anyone relate. I just want to scream and cry and beat my head against concrete.

Oh Kris, I wish I lived closer and we could share time together.  Know that you have friends here and we care.  I am glad you felt you could share your feeling with us.   You are not alone.  There are many people out there who long for companionship.                                                                                                                                                         When I retired from driving school bus after 30 years, I started helping the elderly.  I first worked for a company, who paid peanuts.  I finally put my name in at our community center.  I found that there are many elderly people who need help with a few chores or shopping.  They light up when you walk through door.  I love listening to their stories and find they are so full of wisdom.

Sometimes it is hard to understand why some people have to endure more than others.  I try to stay faithful

I lost my dad in April and there has been so much family drama and hurt.  I had cared for him over the past 5 years and thought I would feel relief when he was gone.  Instead, I feel very lost.  I am fortunate to have my husband to lean on.  I hope things get better for you.  On day at a time.

  

. "I just want to scream and cry and beat my head against concrete."

OK scream, cry and scream again bury your head in a pillow and while your at it beat the crap out of that pillow.

write  really strongly worded letter to life about how unhappy you are with the way it has been treating, read it aloud in fact scream it aloud, cry and scream some more.  losing and not having those you love hurts and no body can tell you deferent.

 a lot of have been where you are, we have felt that pain we have screamed and cried and yelled.  I lived in my truck in the mountains for a year.   It may not seem like it will but it does get better, I know I didn't believe that either, but here I am sleeping in a bed in my warm house, cooking and eating good  meals.

Hang with us Kris  I am sure you could catch some of us yelling at some video game  or discussing what to eat tonight if that would help.  OOH Ya I would pass on hitting your head on Concrete,  that never turns out to well

 

Edited June 28, 20215 yr by Opah

Dear Katgirl

You are absolutely correct, I do suffer from depression, anxiety and panic attacks....have all my life.

I do have professional care and crazy as it sounds when my husband was sick it kind of went away.

I was so focused on his health that I did not have time to breathe. When he died I fell into  a deeper black hole. Lord knows I try and try everyday.  Sorry, just having a pity party today.

K

Thanks Opah, it makes me happy to know I can throw a fit and there is no judgement.  So yes that is just what I did this afternoon.  Bad thing was I got so worked up I gave myself a migraine. And to top it off I really want a smoke. Don't worry, nope. not going to do it!!

 

Maybe you can help me with a problem.  Are there any tutorials on using this sight.  I have never joined a group like this and I can't figure out how everything works.  Things just pop up and I don't know how or when or what to do.  I feel like I am in a game of clue.  I can't find a candlestick or the library. ( I think that was part of Clue)  I think Boo won, he found his pants!

K

@Kris, you can ask your questions here if you like: https://www.quittrain.com/forum/12-questions-suggestions-for-admin-moderators/  😊

Kris I just hit the forum button and scrowl thru till something catches my eye, click on it and start reading. my favorites are  quit smoking discussion and socializing.

all kinds of great info, great people and great advice here