And the coke machine pays you a nice compliment just to see you blush.

 

I insert three batches of beer

You get 3 round trip tickets to Beerfest.

 

I insert a Pittsburgh Steeler.

He gets six months in county... and has to put it back.

 

I insert a ticket stub from the St. Louis Arch.

And you get two arches but they are yellow and attached to a fast food restaurant that gives you indigestion.

 

I insert sugar snap peas from my garden

You get Martha Stewart telling what to do with your sugar snap peas.

 

I insert a black widow.

and she does the best damn job of hoeing the peapatch ya ever did see, chuckling at the likes of Martha Stewart.

 

I insert Howard Zinn's A Peoples' History of the United States

And the Coke machine gives you a bill for 27 years overdue at the library but the lady at the library takes a shine to Comrade Simba and wipes his record clean.

 

I insert fresh sweet corn

You get a pat of butter and some salt. 

 

I insert a new bathing suit in a new size.

and you get a rubber duckie floatie ring.

 

I insert a bottle of Mr. Bubble

And you get an afternoon in which you spend more time in the bathtub and have more fun in the bathtub than you would care to admit.  Or you get a public fountain with so much foam that little kids point and laugh at it (both of these seemed equally possible).

 

I insert a paperwork request that makes my inner chimp scream

You get a HUGE binder clip.

 

I insert The QT Daily Times missing editions

You get a 404 error.

 

I insert L Ron Hubbard

You get a Thetan

 

I insert green underwear

And you get a matching kilt.

 

I insert some ants from my office

and you sit back and watch as the ants carry off the cans of coke

 

I insert Bumblebee from the Transformers

You get a long, drawn out sequel.

 

I insert some freshly washed laundry.

You get it tossed in a pile on the table to wrinkle just like mine.

 

I insert an old fence post.

And you get an 85 year old pole dancer who is willing to give it a go to restart her career but MQ is afraid of scaring the children and the dog so he gives her a cup of coffee and drives her back to the assisted care facility.

 

I insert a cat's hairball

and the coke machine loses all its carbonation.

 

I insert a two dimensional object.

And you instantly feel flat

 

I insert a can of coke

And you get a can of Coke; what were you expecting to get from a Coke machine?

 

I insert an offensive Chobani yogurt lid

You get an unoffensive Fage yogurt lid.

 

I insert some more sticky humidity.

You get droopy hair. 

 

I insert a Blank Check.

You get a basketball court to bounce it on.

 

I insert a box of 10 penny nails.

you get a new house

I insert a candy bar