And you get socks that smell just like stinky sneakers.

 

I insert gym membership

and you get smelly armpits

 

I insert fake tan

And you drop 40 IQ points.

 

I insert a can of sterno

and you get Fried Spam.

 

 

I insert a chicken foot

You get a yuck.

 

I insert red wine.

And I can't quite figure out what came out because it's all slurred.

 

I put in a couple of asprin

And you get relief for some aches and pains you shouldn't be having because you are not that old and no you don't make a noise when you get up either.

 

I insert some vermiculite

You get asbestos.

 

I insert a can of diet Dr. Pepper.

you get gas

 

I insert an elastic band

And you get The Village People.

 

I insert a life preserver

And you get a roll of wild cherry Lifesavers (your favorite flavor).

 

I insert two hot dogs with mustard and onion

You get your onions back and a request for a little ketchup.

 

I insert an extra large band-aid (plaster for the islanders).

and happily walk away knowing it's all fixed now.

 

I put in a passport application

And you get put in the clink for the night on an old arrest warrant that pops up when they run you through the system.  :rolleyes:

 

I put in a package of seeds that havent been touched by monsanto  :blink:

And you get a garden where everything grows perfectly... and get kicked out by God.

 

I throw a damn towel in the coke machine

And you get handed a plunger and an order to "Unclog my damned coke machine."  :)

 

I insert pancakes

Jack pops out

"Hi Jack... want some pancakes?"(Robin Williams in "Survivor")

 

As a quantum experiment I insert another coke machine into the coke machine.

and you get three baby coke machines...

 

I insert a whale in the Coke machine...

and you get a very large storybook.

 

I insert a 1948 rotary dial Bell telephone

And you get a teenage girl who just broke a fingernail trying to use the phone to take a photo.
 
I insert our phone system

Sorry- dropped call. What was it again?

I've called out the Coke machine repairman.  After he removed the following:  thunderstorm, forum, dollar, waterslide, towel, tv remote, dirty kitchen, bad dream, half eaten cookie, cat, shoelace, straw, dog leash, ball, daytimer, $ 50, scissors, blanket, penny, book, maple tree, socks, lawnchair, garden, lipstick, scissors, bird, neighbors, government official, delivery lady, TV, birth certificate, Friday, Pekingese, marker, spam emails, missing socks, and seven more pages of stuff, he found the problem - Canadian quarters.  They just don't work in the Coke machine.

 

I insert 2 new American quarters and a 1 Euro coin by accident

You get an error message requesting another dollar and the Euro coin back.

 

I insert the family of rabbits living in my backyard.

And within 6 weeks you have a rabbit farm

 

I insert a bottle of Pepsi

You get a matter/anti-mater annihilation.

 

I call the vending agent and have another one delivered, and stuff a roll of braunschweiger in it.