Last night I had a very surreal experience, a crave that apparently tried to convince me to smoke whilst using my own voice and emotions to enable it. I understand the meaning of what an addict is from that moment, the moment of clarity in an otherwise confused and emotional scene. 

 

In honesty it was a very raw and gut wrenching moment of a crave. Not in this quit to date have I faced that, I'm pleased I had some time under my belt and the knowledge from here and other sources to fight with. I did battle and a few good people went back to back into that battle with me. I am lucky there are good people who could talk me down and off the ledge. I am lucky there are people who have contacted me privately and posted to check I am ok.  I have spent all day shaky and on edge wondering if maybe it would come for me again, like that, where suddenly my beautiful quit makes no sense and all I have is tears and snot and some good people reminding me who I am and what my sane mind would say.

 

So I am still and will always be a non smoker. ALL of the "moments" I have gone through convince me I do not want to quit again if nothing else. Last night was gut wrenching awful...for 10, maybe 20 minutes....smoking and the related illnesses are lifelong, life ending... I can do this.  I want to say this in case anyone else faces that nasty crave, post and let me pay it forward, we are all here cause we want to help aren't we. That re-assures me, that I feel safe to just be me and to be real.

 

I firmly believe you guys save my life over and over again and I am so very greatful (and for this moment a little gushy about it but only cause last night scared me witless for a short time). You are good people. Thank you. x

I had this discussion with my craving just the other day, thought it might have some relevency:

 

Craving: Hey, what's the harm of smoking one cigarette?

Me: Would that make you feel better?

Craving: Yes, oh please, just one.

Me: Let me see, I can go to the store around the corner and pick up a pack right now.

Craving: Now you're talking, do you need any help finding your wallet and keys?

Me: Wait a minute, why are you in such a hurry?

Craving: I'm hungry and you promised to make me feel better.

Me: When did I make a promise to you?

Craving: Are you calling me a liar?

Me: If the shoe fits.

Craving: I'm sorry, I may have stretched the truth a little.

Me: I'll say, now what were we talking about?

Craving: I think you were going to the store, right?

Me: Right, I was going to the store to buy YOU a pack of cigarettes so YOU would feel better.

Craving: Thank you, I'd like a pack of Camel Filters and a new lighter.

Me: And what's in it for ME?

Craving: That's not my problem, can we go now?

Me: Sorry, we have been talking about this far too long and I have better things to do than make you happy so go f**k yourself!

 

Craving: I will not be addressed in that tone!

 

Me: Sorry, but that's not my problem.

Love your post Marti!

That's the beauty of a really hard time like that...it's followed up by such a great feeling....on top of the world!  It always seems to work like that...and vice versa too sometimes.  All things are temporary in this life...good times and bad times and it's just best not to cling to either.  Embrace the ebb and flow.  :)

 

PS--YOU saved YOU....we only show you the way when you get a little lost

 

xoxo

 

great job!!

You felt the crave.

 

You beat it.

 

Good work.

I love, that when you are out of the intensity of that moment.....you are able to look at it for what it is:

10-20 minutes of emotional hell.

Comrade noted the other day that in 3 months total, he's experienced maybe 12hrs total, of craves and turmoil.

Kinda puts it in perspective doesn't it?

 

Even if I experienced 10-20 minutes of sheer hell like that, a few times a day (which I don't) it's WAY easier than the sheer constant hell of dying of cancer.

This I know to be true.

Marti,

You saved yourself from smoking, there were just cheerleaders with you cheering you on!  

I'm sorry I wasn't there for you much, I've a 3 day craving and would have been feckkk all help to you but I am sooo bloody proud of you just so you know, Respect xxxx

Awh Colleen your cheerleaders are just the cutest ever x

So very glad you got through it Marti...sorry I was not around to cheer you on.  The next time it happens, if it does, you will be even stronger.  Good for you!

Marti,

You saved yourself from smoking, there were just cheerleaders with you cheering you on!  

Colleen, me thinks you need a cheerleaders outfit. :)

So happy you got through it Marti :)

 

If I ever need a kick up the butt I am sure you will return the favour ;)

Colleen, me thinks you need a cheerleaders outfit. :)

lol You do NOT want to see me in cheerleaders uniform, no way!

Hey Marti - glad you posted your SOS and saw what awesome support was provided - but it was you that did the hard work - congrats on your victory

Oh Marti if you could possibly have an sos moment earlier in the day, like not my middle of the night so i wouldnt be sleeping I would appreciate that, ok ;)))

lol You do NOT want to see me in cheerleaders uniform, no way!

Bakon does :p

Bakon does :P

Bakon is a wise bit of Pork ;)

lol Sue, it was mymiddle of the night too haha.  

 

Yes Julie, of all the comments I went back and re-read Simba's stuck in my mind too. When I work it out logically (I'm a virgo, I love logic and lists lol) then yes, the time is very limited. I then proceeded to tell two other people in my life about the comment, one my chris who has given up and the other my cousin who is thinking of quitting and messaged me this morning. Some things you take with you on the journey :)  That will stickwith me and so will other comments made, thus my gratitude, it's all more ammunition if I go silly like that again.

 

PS I sooo want a superman (woman?!) t shirt now, like really really want one!!

Bakon does :P

 

I'm with Bakon :p

So glad you got yourself through it Marti, sorry I missed it, at least now you have proved that you can take on a beat the crap out of the crave. So proud of you, well don you xxx

Kicking ass

 

Now go change and take a selfie