MLMR

Sounds like you are in it for real, well done. Keep that attitude up, it will help you big time. I dont have cravings. I quit smoking three years ago and then messed up one weekend. Put my ticker back at day one and had to start all over. Hence the three month quit. The first week was tough, but I had the same approach as before, maybe even more ferocious: watching, reading, writing (did you see that enormous diary Introsucktion, its mine 😛 )about quitting. It was a close call. Never again.

“Nobody will protect you from your suffering. You can't cry it away or eat it away or starve it away or walk it away or punch it away or even therapy it away. It's just there and you have to survive it. You have to endure it. You have to live through it and love it and move on and be better for it and run as far as you can in the direction of your best and happiest dreams across the bridge that was built by your own desire to heal.” ~ Cheryl Strayed

Hey @JustinHoot99 how are you doing? How’s your article search going, want to share some of the things you are reading/watching?

Surfing blogs and articles and stuff about addiction on YouTube definitely got me through the first months, along with writing here. Make quitting your Most Important Project, for a while. For as long as you need! Which ‘adulting’ project will you be tackling first?

Hi Justin, good to have you here. Hows today going?

@Katgirl ... but what is 'normal' anyway? 😁

Yay, week 11 of Project Sober in the pocket. I feel like I'm wrapping up the past two years. Two years dominated by ending a longterm but unhealthy relationship, processing a horrible violence incident at my work which cost one of my coworkers his life and left another severely injured and my team upside down, working my way towards burnout and back. And ofcourse there was Corona. The painful disunity amongst friends and family.. It makes me so, so sad. But also: all the more gratefull for the road I'm taking right now and the people there with me. The lessons I've learned from quitting smoking are immensly valuable and usefull at this point. I feel connected to the world around me and I see and hear things that I completely missed before. Depression and mental clouds made me selfcentered, for years. In a continous survival modus. But there's a world and I am a tiny part of it. 🌍 Better make it worthwile!

Hi there Gracie, remember and say to yourself out loud: this will pass. Pictures of black lungs often did it for me, as strange as that may sound. Quite sobering…. Good for you that you choose health. Did you take a look at Joel Spitzers videoclips? There’s plenty of material here:

Because smoking does nothing but harm.

Hi Tara, in the beginning I made endless lists. I listed what I didn’t like about smoking, what I liked about being free from nicotine, I even wrote down my most embarrassing smoking moments. I thought, if it has to be this bad, why not work my way through with everything that I’ve got? It really helped me. Have you found Joel’s Library yet? Many powerful video’s about quitting.

Hi Tara, welcome back. What you wrote there says it all, right? Congratulations on your decision! Do you remember what helped you last time and is that something you can incorporate in your plan again?

Thanks 🙂 I’ve stashed it all downstairs, where I hardly go. Its good not to have it in my sight. Last weekend I was at a brewery, I still love to look around and see which specialties they have. But: no heavy legs after our visit, no hangover the next day and more energy. There’s enough going on in my life as it is already, I need a clear head and a free mind!

Its been 3 months since I relapsed and decided I needed to quit smoking right away that sunday. It took me a good two to three weeks to get back on track mentally, but Im happy to say that Ive been firm in my decision ever since. Most days its like it never happened, but I know better and I make sure I wont forget. Also: 70 days without drinking alcohol. Heading towards the three months milestone. Its not always easy, but: worth the effort, every step of the way. The best experience so far is having happy childhood memories pop up. A party for my brain and a warm bath for my heart.

No offense taken, Kris. I know that you meant it in a supportive way and thanks for that. I’m glad to hear that you are doing well with your quit and that you experience this as a safe place!

Hey @Kris, I am sure your intentions are good. I think owning up to ones problem is both strong and vulnerable and, like you, I admire people who travel the road less traveled. However, I don’t agree with your advice ‘If you choose not to drink anymore that is good, but if you need to once in awhile don't feel bad about yourself.” I don’t need alcohol, though I’ve taught my brain something else over the years. Humans don’t need alcohol. Besides... ‘once in a while’ hasn’t existed for me ever since I started drinking. That’s my reason to quit in the first place.

Sunday morning. After an initial crappy start of my weekend, I’m having my “hersenspinsels” back in the right order again. I joined a quit-drinking forum. Had to take a few deep breaths, then decided it was the right thing to do. I’m dealing with botteled up feelings and events that I’d forgotten about are popping up out of nowhere. A clearer mind means more room to proces and old demons seem to feel invited by that, ha! Be welcome. Been there, done that, should be able to handle. Must continue deep breathing, I’ll be fine. What I absolutely love is waking up without a hangover! On topic: thank god I’m very strong in quitting smoking again. Relapsing seems ages ago, but it isn’t. Feel like I made a narrow escape (not sure if this is the right expression). Not going to f that up ever again. 💪

Had the talk with a close friend yesterday. Him: I really admire you for eliminating the pleasure of drinking. I wouldn’t want to do it. Me: … I think the point here is that I’m adding something to life, not eliminating? It was a bit of tightrope walking at first. He really did his best to be understanding but clearly felt awkward when I explained how I’m toying with the idea of making this a year long journey. And I had a bit of a tough time staying true to myself while at the same time my mind was racing about the effects on friendships. (I remember feeling uncomfortable myself, back when I still smoked a pack a day, whenever someone close told me they’d quit smoking. A strange mixture of jealousy, admiration and a vague anticipation for failure. That’s what addiction does. Pretty ugly, really.)

Thanks ladies, I dont think the AA really is my thing... Today was better. Went to the beach and walked in the storm. I'm actually a bit relieved since writing these words, 'alcohol' and 'problem' down yesterday. I don't want to work my way around it anymore. It's also... completely new to say it out loud. I just never fully realised. Addict lies? One thing is for sure: Im having the best sleep in years. Even after a worriesome night I still feel more rested than before. I just saw a video from a guy who, after one year sober, felt like he had the brain of a super smart alien instead of his own grey mass. Where can I sign? The years of mental health batteling sure have their effect on my memory and ability to focus, so any improvement is more than welcome.

The last couple of days have been tough. I'm constantly anxious and I'm not handeling it very well. Where I was pretty self confident in the beginning when I quit alcohol, I'm having a setback. I quit smoking before, left a heavy cannabis addiction behind. Experimented with fasting, gluten free diet, swimming, nature, I tried everything to feel better and to improve myself. But alcohol ... was alcohol. I kept telling myself I really didn't have a drinking problem and that by quitting I was just allowing myself a good temporary physical and mental clean up. Now, slowly but surely I'm starting to realise I do have problems with booze. And it probably played a significant role in the last 20 years of depression, anxiety, moodswings. And it must have fueled a lot of bad decision making. Tomorrow is a new day, as always. Going to the beach for a good walk and shake things off. See what's left after that .

It was nice to be out again, after so long. First 10' weirded me out. Don't remember the last time i said "a bitter lemon for me, please". When I did, some eyebrows went up, confused wrinkels appeared, ha. But I didn't feel like explaining too much ... so that was that. Waking up without a headache and none of that anxious booziness feeling is really quite good. Comfortably basic. Gladly progressing into my second month.

Thanks for asking, Jillar. Im doing ok, quit wise. I’m not in a very good place mentally. I choose to spend less time online for a while, hence my absence. Tonight I’ll have my first boozeless social event in ages. One month, three days sober.

19 days sober. One month and twelve days since smoke relapse. Last week was challenging, for reasons I rather not mention here. It's not up to me to put it on display. It affects me bigtime, but its not primarely my sadness that matters most. S. and d2e8b8, thanks for being there. It helped. Crazy, scary sh*t. Also last week: the floods in europe are devastating. I don't understand how some people still think climate change isn't real! It's been a while since i took an alcohol break like this. What a difference. I think my energy levels are stabilizing somewhat, less of the up-and-down-going. Mornings are the best now. No more of that foggy sluggish feeling. I do miss a nice cold IPA now and then... yummm. But easy to resist and bye bye hangover. 👋

One or two drinks a day is totally acceptable here, @Kat. During the weekends often more than one. With friends, family - always been like that. I really enjoy a good red wine, i geek out on craft beer. I simply cant remember the last time i went for a drink with someone and ordered a soda, instead of alcohol (or coffee). A dear friend pointed out that alcohol is a depressant. Its weird how i work through things in my life but never seriously looked at my alcohol consumption. Ive always managed to keep it in the background, not paying too much attention. As so many others, I'm sure. My mind is wandering off... What if I.... took on the one year challenge? Wow. Should be doable. Ahhhhh. @Boohow did that work out for you, did you make a firm resolution not to drink anymore or just gradually grew into the idea of quitting altogether? First things first though, lets get to the end of this month. 💪

Day 11, said my I am sober app this morning. I felt proud - sh*t. Why am I proud for not drinking eleven days? Does that mean I generally drink more than I want to admit? Makes you think. Anyway. Glowing skin and unintended weight loss don’t lie. I like my clearer mind, it gives me more perspective on the past months. I suspect it will also bring up some things I’d tucked away. But, let’s get it on with. On another bright side: ginger cordial lemon capsicum juice is the best! Gives you that lovely sharp hit, when sobriety just seems too ... well behaved and tedious. Skoll!