Hellllooooo ! so excited, I was a member of qsmb. Today I have been quit smoking 18 months, so I thought I would send a post to them... but they had gone, but then I found Quit Train, and started recognizing names, especially my lovely, lovely friend Jillar, oh just missed you all so much.
Here is the piece I wrote, with love.
Hi to everyone, there may some of you who remember me, and I know there will be many people who were lost souls, living in a fog of cigarette smoke and laying in there beds at night wheezing.
But now you have discovered this forum and you are no longer alone, you are amongst people you will probably never meet, but these people will come to represent some of the most life changing and influential people you will ever bond with in your lives.
I love them all, if it wasn’t for these people and this message board, I wouldn’t be able to hold my head up high today and yell from the rooftops, I am 18 months smoke free!
I smoked for 42 years, during the bad times I was on 40 a day, during the good times it was probably 8 a day. I can still remember the exact moment I had my first cigarette, I was 16, in a night club, dancing to my beloved Tamla Motown music, spinning around under the disco ball, young free and single, little did I know that was the last freedom I would have for 42 years, because from that day on I was a slave to cigarettes.
It is only now that I realised how smoking dictated my life on so many levels. The freedom I feel today is sensational, and it is all down to this forum, thank you so much QSMB.
In 4 weeks’ time I will celebrate my 60th birthday, my life could have been so different, it fills my heart with great sadness at what I feel I have missed out on, all because of my addiction to cigarettes.
I am now waiting to see a lung person, the waiting list here in the UK, is about 20 weeks, I will not be priority because I am considered old at 60 (I am not old! I am a skipping and prancing bunny!) I am fat (I am not fat, I am a voluptuous temptress who knows a bit about life) and because I am an ex smoker and nothing that my over active and joyously bizarre mind can come up with, will change that fact.
Yes I regret starting to smoke, but I have made the decision not to beat my self up about it, what is the point, it wont do any good, I have done what I have done, it is what it is, and now I find myself on a consultants waiting list, there will be tests, and talks and x rays et al, but nothing will change what I have done to my body and my life, my fault, no one else’s. I get a tightness in my chest that seems to be set off mostly by stress – I have mental health issues – I failed miserably in a lung function test a couple of months ago, it was so poor the nurse thought the machine was faulty (!)
I now have an inhaler, but I don’t use it every day. I still go to the gym and nearly kill my self with the tread mill set to the highest incline, I push 66 kilo with my legs 30 times – I love that machine, it nearly makes me faint, and I swim for about 45 minutes, and I know I wouldn’t be able to do this if I was still a smoker. So, there is all this smoking related crap going on in my life, but now I have the freedom of not wondering when and where my next cigarette will come from, I have more money, further enabling myself and my gorgeous Colin to work through our bucket list. My skin is now really great, some of my few wrinkles have disappeared which was something I didn’t think possible, I am still fat because chocolate tastes so damn good now. My family are so pleased I have stopped, even though I had tried to be a secret smoker, I realise now I must have been such an embarrassment to them – my brother in law is a scientist into smoking related illnesses and condition, he has written books, is always on the radio and writes articles for the Times and the Independent newspapers, and he gives talks. I must say, he is rather ecstatic with me. I never smoked in front of my children or grand children.
So, please put yourself through this journey (I hate the “this journey” thing but it works in this instance,) it ruins your health, people judge you, it upsets those who love you the most, it steals your money , it detrimentally affects every single bit of your body in ways you are not aware of . It is destructive and vile, it is a poison and a demon, it eats you away, bit by bit, subtly at first and as you age it gains momentum, I feel stupid and saddened and angered at my own idiocy, I feel enraged with myself.
I am so pleased I am an ex smoker I quite enjoy smugly telling people this.
Please use this forum, I couldn’t of done it without the wonderful people here. They care, they have been where you are right now, they will offer advice, friendship and support. You will develop a sense of belonging, a glorious feeling of positivity. You can do it, yes, you really can, and people here at QSMB will gently hold you and protect you, and care about you.
Please do it.
Please stop smoking.
Lot’s of love and big squish cuddles and kisses,