MichelleDoesntSmokeAnymore

11 hours ago, Rozuki said:

It is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do! Now that I have some time under my belt, I hardly ever think about lighting a poison stick on fire and sticking it in my mouth. Currently, a friend is in the hospital suffering from lung cancer and doesn't have much time left...she quit smoking about 5-6 years before being diagnosed this past  April. The cancer metastasized to her brain....she is now a shell of her former self, is no longer verbal, cannot control bodily functions and needs round the clock care. To beat a crave, all I have to do is think about what she is going through...awful, awful, awful! 

I am so very sorry. Its terrifying that she was quit years before she was diagnosed....

Thank you so much everyone. The support I get here is truly amazing. I did okay! We even went out for frozen yogurt after the meeting.... Which was great considering its 9:30pm and still in the 80s. Oy....summer in Sacramento....

Thank you Johnny5

Thank you guys. Nothing I've tried has helped so far but I'll try the things you mentioned. It will pass. It will. I know it will cuz I've quit before. Its crazy that this is so hard. Addiction is horrific. 

Wow...Jillar has three years and LInda has almost a year...amazing. You ladies are an inspiration! As far as the meeting I'm taking a friend who quit four years ago, as family is unavailable so hopefully that will help.

Despite the patch I'm wearing, the cravings just keep coming and coming today. I should just take it off and go cold turkey, its so bad. I almost didnt post this because I thought no one can tell me something that I don't already know, as far as why I shouldn't try to have "just one". I made it through my noon recovery meeting without bumming one from someone and was so proud of myself....I'm going to another one this evening and I started thinking maybe I can bum "just one".  I can't afford to buy any, not even one pack because I'm living with my nonsmoking family and have no income until I can get back to work after my surgery so I couldn't buy a pack anyway. I have literally NO money.  But I keep thinking just one just one just one. Why put myself through that? I'm past 24 hours which is the farthest I've gotten into a quit in a while now. I don't want to lose that. I'm craving the other substance I used while in active addiction, I'm craving smoking and vaping...the only thing I'm not craving is alcohol.

I want to smoke but I don't want to smoke. It will pass I know and I'll be glad I made it through but right now its just soooo bad.

Thank u all....very helpful

"Quitting smoking is not hard.  In fact, the whole process is quite enjoyable if we only focus on the benefits of being a non-smoker.  There is no need to focus on anything else because we’re not giving anything up.   We’re not missing out.  The cravings come and go and soon will be gone forever."

I agree with everything in this statement, with the exception of "Quitting smoking is not hard". I find it extremely hard. If it was not hard, more people would have successful quits. The trick is to remember the rest of this quote.

Whats your take?

Thats actually a big help...I used a medium sized straw for a while last time. Who cares if it looks silly...and it probably doesn't because I think most people know its a substitute for a cig. I'm a sneaky person...if I decide I want to smoke I will actually insist on going somewhere alone...sometimes when I make the decision to smoke, the barriers I put down for myself go out the window. Its like...I can put all these barriers up but I have the power to take them down if I want to smoke. Thats why its so critical to remember why I want to smoke and honor that commitment to myself. Must remember that.

Vaping is so popular that I expect a mass exodus from San Francisco once this goes into effect lol

I know this is an old thread but I'm replying anyway  I vaped for three years before this latest quit and loved it. The scary thing is though that its a recent enough "invention" that there hasn't been enough research on its effects. My personal opinion is that even if you vape 0 nicotine juice, you are still inhaling the vapor from the juice, which can't be good. And we don't know the long term effects of vaping. I have heard that popcorn lung is a consequence. My grandfather had that and it sounded terrible. I had the popcorn sound now and then when I was smoking. With vaping you lose the smokers cough and the rattling and wheezing and I think thats why some people think its safer than smoking. I'm so glad I am quitting. 

I wouldn't kneel down and suck on a car's tailpipe.  I hold my breath when I walk through a cloud of exhaust. Probably safer than smoking or vaping.

It was horrific lol. But it passed. I'm still wearing a patch. I can sleep with them on as long as I put them on in the early afternoon instead of evening. It does help during the day though. Its just that mornings are my strongest craving. But I've been up for an hour and haven't seriously thought of smoking. Yay. I'm going to one of my recovery meetings at noon where many people smoke and its sort of "normalized" but I'll be with a nonsmoking family member so I won't be tempted to bum one. I'll do my best to remember why I'm quitting, look at smoking as something horrible and destructive that endangers my life instead of romancing it. Thats what it will take when I'm at a meeting. Its NOT okay, its NOT "normal", its NOT something that I do because everyone else is doing it, I will NOT push down the fear and knowledge that I'm endangering my life. I will remember why I'm doing this, and so will ya'll!

Confession: I was a closet smoker most of my life. That fact causes a lot of guilt but now that I'm quitting I can let it go.

6

I'M STILL HERE YOU GUYS!! NOPE NOPE NOPE. I'm glad you are all here too. Have a Nope-y day!

Jillar wow lucky you! Love the coast!

5

Thanks. My doctor is the ones who gave me the NRTs. I have a physical scheduled for Monday and I can't wait to tell her I haven't smoked! I'm fairly certain I'm okay right now, its future stuff I worry about and how long I've shaved off my life expectency.  But look at us now...we are reversing the damage (hopefully) and adding years back onto our lives (hopefully). Even if not, our quality of life will be better.

Is anyone in or near Sacramento, CA?

Thank you Linda. I hope it does. I wish I'd never read that it takes 10-15 years of being quit before your risk of cancer returns to that of someone who never smoked. I used that for so many years to say "well I'm already $(#-ed so I might as well not even try" but I'm not doing that anymore because the 10-15 years are going to pass anyway, right? So what am I going to do with them? Continue to smoke and possibly die as a result of it, or begin to heal?

Still, it keeps me up at night. I will have faith that it will get easier to not stew in it.  Thank you!

Dear Michelle,

I love you. Please don't. Please. You don't want to die from a smoking related disease. You want to see Jessica and Alex's kids, your grandkids, if they have them. Imagine telling them and Chris and Lori that you are dying. And knowing it was your own fault. You think about that all the time, even as you're smoking or vaping. Its normalized in recovery but foreign and detested in your family. Side with your family, those who have had your back your whole life. You're so unhealthy right now but you have the power to make it better.

"Yesterday you said 'today'..."

I love you,

Michelle

Thank you Jillar! Which one is the main forum? The first one I see in the list is introductions and about us. I'll check the vape forum for sure. And I'm planning to use this site instead of Facebook LOL. It sure is more uplifting!

How do you cope with the fear that you've done harm to your body and might still develop a fatal smoking related disease? Dealing with this now. Its what has me quitting this time around, my sticky quit, but it still keeps me up at night sometimes.

Hi Everyone,

I'm trying to get a sense of the forums. This one is titled Introductions and About Us but it seems to be the only place where people post miscellaneous stuff about their own personal quit, unless I'm missing something ?The reason I ask is because I want to post things in the appropriate places. Anyway, let me delve into whats going on in my head as I round out hour 6 (with NRT, but still impressive given my recent history)

This is a nasty addiction and its harder to kick than the addiction to other substances I've managed to beat into remission and stay clean from one day at a time.   Nicotine is much harder. I smoked for 36 years and have been vaping for the last 3 years. I love the experience of vaping: everything about it except the embarrassment that I was doing it. When I'm quit, once I entertain the idea of smoking  or vaping (just once! lol) the desire grows and grows and grows even as I remind myself its a terrible idea, of how I've been doing well and of all the reasons NOT to. Then it seems like I can't NOT smoke or vape. I know I can make the choice not to though. I've made it before! I've had two long term quits in my life! So I know I can do it.  I want to coexist in my nonsmoking family as a nonsmoker and be around for years and years to come!

This is a very very familiar pattern to me. Its the same thought pattern and behavior as I had with drugs and alcohol, and the same one I still struggle with, with food.  So it stands to reason if I use the same tools I learned in recovery and apply them to smoking, which is what I did on my last significant quit, that I WILL STAY QUIT. 

I am still open to any suggestions, advice or recommendations. I'm going to spend my evening reading and chatting on the forum, watching Joel Spitzer's videos, brushing my teeth repeatedly, deep breathing and sipping cooooold ice water (helps me more than gum) I also plan to start a blog in the blog section. I also want to encourage others, not only because I want to help others but because it will help me as well. And I need to remember that my sister and brother in law, who are four years older than me, are healthier than me and look much younger than they are. Younger than me maybe even. They have that smooth skin and no vertical lines around their lips, no vertical lines on their neck when its tightened up. IDK if I can reverse the signs of smoking on my face or just stop it in its tracks but the most important thing is my health and longevity anyway.

Thanks again for the tough love guys. My every intention at this moment is to stay and have a permanent quit.