December 6, 20241 yr Tired of trying to figure out what sh*t to buy people for Christmas every year? Here's the answer!
December 12, 20241 yr A robber entered the bank shouting to everyone: "Nobody move, the money is not yours, your life belongs to you." Everyone on the bench, silently and slowly, threw themselves to the floor. This is called: "CONCEPTS TO CHANGE MENTALITIES" "Change the conventional way of thinking about the world." At that point, a woman lay down provocatively on one of the desks, but the thief shouted at her: "Please behave, this is a robbery, not a rape" This is called: "BE PROFESSIONAL" Focus on what you are specialized in doing" As the robbers were escaping, the younger robber (with an MBA degree) said to the older robber (who barely finished primary school): "Hey old man, let's count how much we took." The old thief, obviously angry, replied: "Don't be stupid, it's too much money to count, let's wait for the news to tell us how much the bank lost." This is called: "EXPERIENCE" Experience is more important than a role from an academic institution. Once the robbers left, the bank manager told the supervisor to call the police immediately. The supervisor said: "Stop, stop, let's first consider the 5 million we are missing from last month's embezzlement and report it as if the thieves had also taken it." The Manager said: "Correct" This is called: "STRATEGIC MANAGEMENT" "Take advantage of an unfavorable situation." The next day, the television news reported that 100 million had been stolen from the bank, but the robbers were only able to count 20 million. The thieves, very angry, reflected: "We risked our lives for a measly 20 million while the bank manager stole 80 million in the blink of an eye" Apparently it is better to study and know the system than to be a common thief. This is: "KNOWLEDGE IS AS VALUABLE AS GOLD" *The bank manager, happy and smiling, felt satisfied as his losses in the foreign exchange market were covered by the robbery. This is called: "TAKE ADVANTAGE OF OPPORTUNITIES" MORAL GIVE A MAN A GUN AND HE CAN ROB A BANK. GIVE A MAN A BANK AND HE CAN ROB THE WHOLE WORLD.
December 21, 20241 yr An old guy was working out at the gym when he spotted a young hot girl walking in. He asked the trainer standing next to him, "What machine should I use to impress that girl over there?" The trainer looked him up and down and said; "I would recommend the ATM in the lobby."
December 22, 20241 yr An oldy…. The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers. Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him." You could hear a muffled gasp from all of the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Tom must have experienced. "Tom was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every movement caused him terrible pain" We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place." Again, all of the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Tom. "Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord, Tom is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely." All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say. A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, "I'm Tom Smith." The entire congregation held its breath "I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum."
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.