He just got laid

 

Why do dogs eat cat poop?

Because they're not picky. They eat fox poop, cat poop, hell they even eat their own poop.

 

How grand is the grand canyon?

It's so grand the whole population of the US and parts of the UK PLUS everyone's pets, could fit in it.

 

Why do I keep buying losing lottery tickets?

If you buy them after you know they've lost you have more money than sense.

 

If the truth hurts shouldn't we just lie all the time?

Yes

 

Doesn't lying make your nose grow?

My mum told me that, but that must mean your finger isn't operating in such a tight space. Win, win!

 

What other lie's do mum's tell?

Edited April 27, 20188 yr by Sslip

My mom and her brothers invented the skateboard and Willie Nelson came to our house and played guitar with my dad. Among many more lol

 

Why does she sell sea shells by the seashore where everyone can just pick them themself for free?

Cos she tried selling Ice to Eskimos but they weren't buying.

 

Why does my kid think a chocolate bar is a well balanced meal?

Because it is

 

If I buy a laptop does it always have to be on my lap to work?

No it will work really well in the bath as well, particularly the new waterproof ones.

 

Why does earwax taste so bitter?

 

 

(I've just been a wee bit sick, thanks slippy)

Because you're not meant to eat it.. That's why you can't get your tounge in your ear my friend..!!

 

 

 

Why do we say the sun is splitting the trees have you ever seen the sun splitting a tree..?

 

 

We don't say that but I would think it's like when we say we have a splitting headache. And no I've never seen a head split from a headache.

 

How can we have this thread when I've always been told there's no such thing as a stupid question?

 

 

And therein lies the answer. Don't think about that too much, it's doing my head in and I wrote it.

 

How often should we mess with people's heads?

Daily, multiples times a day even.

 

Why do dogs farts stink so much worse than people farts?

Is that a challenge?

 

Why's everything a competition?

Life's more fun that way.

 

Why does my dog run away scared when she farts?

I don't know, maybe cos it thinks it's you 

 

 

So why does your dog run away scared when it farts

Because Jillar's growly voice is really scary.

 

Anyone want to walk the dog?

No but since you are can you swing by and take my two too then will ya cos my legs are killing me ?

 

 

Why is it the older I get the more I need to pee..??

It's natures way of reminding us we need to exercise

 

What's the ideal bedtime snack?

Timtam slammers with Milo or Activite.

 

Should I blow of my specialist appointment for a job interview?

Depends on whether you want to stay on that low iodine diet I suppose

 

If I buy a self driving car will it drive itself home?

Well for the money it costs I should hope so, just hope it doesn't park in your neighbours drive..!!

 

As a child my mother would say" if you don't  stop that I'll  make you laugh on the other side of your face" how does that work..?

Obviously you were only laughing on one side of your face which looked weird to your mom as is shown in figure 1 below

 

Figure 1 

 

Why would cutting off my nose spite my face?

cos it would not if something smelled fishy.

 

 

If you saw something coming why didn't you just stop it?