so.....a week from tomorrow is the biopsy and that procedure thing.  Pretty freaked out...not even going to lie about it.  My best friend hung out with me all day Saturday and we had such a good time.  Then today I went over to my mom's ...who I know is probably as freaked out as I ...if not worse...I remember I always hated going to the doc... I mean I am almost 28 and I would rather her be sitting in the waiting room when I am done... and she hates taking off for it.  I had to beg these last two times... then I got that news that something was wrong...and I needed a biopsy... I was scared to ask but I said "are you going to come with me?"  because I almost had to go to the doctor that day alone and she just so happened to already be getting off and I was scared of the answer I was about to hear since I knew she would probably say what she did last time... "you're a big girl... I have a job to do I cant just take off whenever..."  ... but her answer was more matter of fact... "are you going to come with me on the 12th?"... "yes. of course" was her reply.  as if me asking was the absolutely most ridiculous thing anyone could ever ask anyone on the planet.  And to think I was scared of getting the "you are 27...you don't need me"  response.  

 

 

So that is in one week from tomorrow...at 3 pm.... and then there is some medical bill stuff I havent gotten to on here...but might explain soon... ....

 

 

then there is what I vented about the other day... some girl who quite literally I have heard saying she makes things up about people she doesnt like or who thinks might interfere with her agenda... to get them in trouble... and then there is me... turning a blind eye...because well...it didnt have to do with me... and I have other serious stuff going on I cant deal with it... so I'll try to avoid the crossfires.... 

 

then a week ago happened and I got in the crossfires accidentally when she wrote some lie about a coworker and she left... and then someone she wrote it to who had thrown it away in our mutual trashcan ...I said I wanted to know what that was... and she said no... and we had always been friends so I said well you know Im going to look at it, right?  ((she had only folded it and put it in our trash can...it wasnt even ripped...))  she said ok but dont say anything... so I took it out and looked at it... it said "I just stood up and Susan was sleeping" and after they read it they both giggled as I recollected... as the mean girl had left and only the friendly one remained I said "that's not right... or nice..." and she said don't tell... and watched me until I put it back in the trash can.  I will regret this moment probably for a long time.  as she targeted me on monday... probably because this perceived friend told her I said it wasnt right... because she wasnt sleeping at her desk as I had literally just come from there ((this mean girl is known for getting bored and wanting to cause problems with people to entertain herself or because she feels entitled to their postiitions)) ....and I found myself in an office... at the end of the week upset about this upcoming biopsy...moving...and medical bills......and someone had said I did something mean to them when they asked me a questions.

 

 

 

...woah.... I know none of you know me in a real sense...and I talk big... but I do NOT have a mean bone in my body.  at all.  I do some peoples jobs for them all day....every day... and I'll complain to a couple coworkers who do the same thing as me... but if any of these people who I do their job for them ask me the same question over and over and over again a year later... I still answer with the same response as if theyve never asked before.  Because I'm not really an asshole.  And people compliment me to superiors... people who really arent good at their job... they say how pleasant I am.  And to think this chick ((which I deducted it was her)) was saying I answered something negatively towards her... makes me sick..  I cannot be mean to another.  It simply is not in my nature.  Plus I find being mean to require some effort... and seeing as how all my effort has been directed to health... unexpected bills... and an urgency to have to move soon... I have none to direct towards being nasty...

 

 

so I find myself friday having to explain some of this to the supervisor on duty in my area... as my sup and manager were out... I heard this girl while my music was muted conspiring against me and this other girl...saying they were going to make something up about us talking nasty about them... I couldnt let it wait til my sup and manager came back... I had to say something.  so I did... and then this came to my mind:

 

When the Nazis came for the communists,
I remained silent;
I was not a communist.

When they locked up the social democrats,
I remained silent;
I was not a social democrat.

When they came for the trade unionists,
I did not speak out;
I was not a trade unionist.

When they came for the Jews,
I remained silent;
I wasn't a Jew.

When they came for me,
there was no one left to speak out.

 

and that's all I have... the fact that I knew consipring was going on but not wanting to be in the crossfires I distanced myself... until I realized I was in the crossfires and could not distance any longer.  and now I feel like wow...Rachael ...you are an asshole.  ....there are at least two people who were targeted before me I kept quiet about.  I feel like crap... and tomorrow I have to tell my sup and his manager my story.  the thing is this girl puts on a real sweet facade and face.  where as I've always been obviously pretty real.... I should have spoke up for the "communists" and "social democrats" and trade unionists" and "jews"... but I was none so I really did remain silent..until they came for me.  

 

And I honestly have no fuel to fight anyone with everything I'm already dealing with.... I have no cares.... I just want this bitch to leave my job alone.  leave me alone.  I have been here three years....I have shit going on.... I've had shit going on for months... and now serious shit I thought couldnt get more serious than it had been... i really need her to fuuck off.  so, please, pray for me tomorrow.  I need it.  I already have anxiety to the high heavens... and this girl who is obviously lacking excitement in her life is adding to it... I cant deal very well.  Just give me happy thoughts tomorrow and pray please.  and then again for a week from tomorrow when I have to have a biopsy done.  

 

 

 

I know I seem hard... but I'm really very soft and I love people.  I would never cause harm to anyone.  and it breaks me to think anyone is doing that to me or that i let it happen to anyone.  please keep me in your thoughts in the coming weeks as I am being tried and tested harder than I was in december.  

 

love and peace to all

What biopsy thing? or is it too private I get it...

 

good luck with work. Ignore and don't let others words control your actions. People only have control when WE GIVE IT to them. Don't react. Don't let them get you to do something by mere words. Although upsetting, word cant hurt. SO don't give them ammunition to use against you by saying anything either. You sound like you got an idea of how to work this out, but remain calm and un-personal with it. "I don't care to be upset" is better than F-off when retold later. 

Hugs and prayers to you rachael. So sorry for your stress and struggles. Sending you positive thoughts hon!

I know. I just in and do my thing and go home. But since I specifically heard her say she was going to make stuff up and try to get me in trouble or whatever I had to say something to supervisor and then tell the real ones today. :/

 

And here's the post that has all that biopsy crapola in it. http://www.quittrain.com/topic/715-my-day/

 

Thank a for the reply you always make me laugh :)

Rachael, sending lots of hugs your way!

 (((((racheal))))))   sorry your  going throught this  prayers coming your way  read matthew 5;44   i know its hard to do this  but try  ok my wife used to work with a girl like this to  hang in there  .  love ya

so.....a week from tomorrow is the biopsy and that procedure thing.

 

The odds are with you: You'll be fine and - hey -  look on the bright side: At least you get a biopsy.

 

They don't do biopsies on the male hanging fruit[1]. They just take the whole she-bang and you're left, like a sock in the drier [2] only to find out you were just fine in the first place and they didn't need to take it.

 

 

 

 

Easy Peasy

 

FOOTNOTE:

[1] 96% of solid mass tumors on The Boys are cancer [3], so they don't want to do any cutting of bits and pieces - don't want to let malignant cells slip into the blood stream unnecessarily 

[2] Missing one of a matched pair.

[3] Yes - The Sarge beat 96% odds and was one of the "lucky" 4% who lost a Nard for no reason whatsoever other than to find out it wasn't malignant and didn't need to go.

Thinking of you tomorrow and next week hun, you did the right thing in work, don't be doubting yourself, good for you and she will ge her comeuppance and those other girls hassled by her will have your back, you are a lovely person buddy and that stupid cow needs a kick up the arsssee for pissing off our Rach, just picture your quit gang sat right beside you, holding your hand when you go in tomorrow and of course next week.

Lots of love, hugs and kisses coming at ya xxxxxxxxxxx

Got you in my thought Rachael.  Try to relax until to get the results.  xoxo

(((((Rachael)))))

Same here! We all have you close in our thoughts. Xxoo

So sorry you are going through all of this, Racheal.  You are so young, stay strong and fight the good fight.  Stand up for yourself at work.  

 

Thoughts to you.   

 

And if you need a chuckle, you can always think of The Sarge's nad fresh out of the dryer.  :)

never had a pap smear but I do hate when the poop smears.....

 

good thoughts for you

Best of luck today hun, thinking of you, stay strong xxx

Hope everything's going ok today hun x