Minnie Mouse

One month! Awesome! Remember NOPE and you'll never have to redo the first month ever again. Keep it up!

Your cravings returning home to your safe haven after such a traumatic experience is absolutely understandable. And since you DO understand the why, and know that time smoke free makes it "eventually" better I wish you patience. Keep moving through them, whatever it takes to come out the other side of this addiction. You've done it before ... rinse, repeat. Welcome home!

Sorry for the bad news. I'm a "glass half full" person. Hard incentives or wake up events can become great positives. You know exactly where you & your health stand and what you need to do for yourself going forward. And it's all doable ... especially the no smoking part now. Don't be so hard on yourself. We all knew the risks of smoking (or we were living in a hole someplace) but the pull of nicotine addiction (or any addiction for that matter) is strong. You got this. (I''ll put my bat back in the closet. You really didn't need to go to this personal extreme to prove you meant it when you said you would not smoke. I really would have believed you. ) Rest - Recover - Rest

Best Wishes for a positive outcome. AND no more smoking ... EVER! My reach is far and wide and I have a bat if needed . You got this.

NOPE. I mean naw, never, what u talkin' about!

Whatever it takes is certainly okay with me. I especially like the walk away part. Perspective (& humor) was a big help for me. You got this. Keep it up.

Alas, the Nic O. Demon is helping you build the concrete foundation to make your quit stronger. Smile and say "Thank You" to the smuck. Or maybe not ... .

"The phrase 'two steps forward, one step back' means that progress is uneven and slow. While you are generally moving toward your goal, you frequently face setbacks or obstacles that temporarily undo some of your hard work." Many of us know this ChaCha dance and were able to finally get off the dance floor. It's doable for you to stay quit too. You are not broken or flawed. You are a nicotine addict like all of us. In order for your addiction to go dormant and remain so once nicotine is out of your system you cannot smoke. Not one. Every time you smoke you reactivate the nicotine receptors in your brain which quickly tells you they want more, more, more nicotine. Let them die off so it can get easier for you to stay smoke free. Do whatever it takes except smoke to keep moving forward in these early days. Obstacles are temporary. Tell yourself no more setbacks so you can go to bed every night a winner. You got this.

Welcome Back! I found it hard to choose to jump back on the Smober Train after a long period of smoking again so congrats for deciding to begin again. Let's make it the last time. You know the drill. Whatever it takes to get through the early days is what it takes. I would work on changing what smoking means to you (why you went back to smoking) to reinforce the foundation for a long term Stay Quit. And yes, pledge every day (you don't break your promises do you?).

Welcome! All the things you learned from choosing to stop drinking & the tools you used also apply here. With addictions, as you know, the "just one" doesn't exist. One always leads to one more and then another and another. You chose to quit smoking already so you don't need to decide whether you will smoke or not ever again. Kick smoking thought(s) out of your head immediately each & every time replacing such negative self-talk with something positive of your choosing to fill the void (what 3-4 mantras/sayings will you repeatedly tell yourself instead?). Some find straws, cinnamon toothpicks, hard candy etc. helpful in the early days. I'm a believer in lists so I could refer to them when my "lizard brain" was trying to tempt me back into the clutches of the Nic O. Demon. One of the lists I made was all the reasons why I wanted to Be Quit. Another list was of physical distraction activities I could use like taking a quickie walk, a few yoga movements, getting on the treadmill, meditation, etc. I also kept track of the benefits I noticed I accrued from my Stay Quit (mental & emotional as well as physical). I added to this list & referred to it often. I also encourage you to make a list of your chosen rewards/treats you will earn for yourself at the different milestones throughout the first year leading up to the Grand One on your anniversary date from the $$$ you saved. Never doubt that you can Stay Quit no matter what angst you have to go through to get to the other side of active nicotine addiction. Every bit of the strife is worth it. YOU are worth it. Best Wishes.

Do you think because of personal issues (mental, emotional, physical, financial, situational) that it is impossible for you to quit or stay quit? Do you think nobody really understands just how hard it is for you? Have you "tried" and "tried" and "tried" and just can't get quit or stay quit? Do you tell yourself that there is something just "wrong" with you that doesn't allow you to be successful like others? These thoughts need to be addressed (lies debunked) if you answered yes to any of these questions so you can quit telling yourself such nonsense. Until you change your self-talk, drop the helplessness, and start to believe in yourself (and do the honest work required) you'll continue to run around the relapse Merry-Go-Round "trying" to get a hand hold so you can jump on to smobriety. Educate yourself about nicotine addiction (it helps to understand why you feel the way you do physically, emotionally & mentally when you quit) and put together your Quit Kit to help you get through the quitting process. The hardest part is always in the beginning. As far as "trying" goes -- remember TRIUMPH is the word "tri" with just a little more "umph". Lean on the community. Pledge daily and mean it. You need to absolutely believe that no matter how bad you may feel at any given time in the first hour, the first day, the first week, the first month, or the first year, that it will change eventually for you, bit by bit, for the better as you go through the process if you just don't smoke. Not One Puff Ever. It's doable. You CAN do it. A whole brand new shining smoke free world awaits you once you stop running around "trying" to catch the Merry-Go-Round. Jump on instead. No more Day One's for you. Every day can be a Day Won!

I wasn't going to reply to your post because your self-talk clearly tells me you don't really want to Stay Quit. Not really. You made a "sudden conscious decision to smoke". You had time to change your thought(s) but quickly & willingly chose to smoke/vape again because you wanted to rather than to Stay Quit. You "discovered a half full bottle" and was pleased. "It's so sweet". Again, you didn't want to Stay Quit. When you want to smoke/vape you tell yourself it's okay because you can always quit again after using up your supplies rather than throwing them away or whatever excuse you tell yourself. (Is using them up more important to you than your quit? Obviously.) Your self-talk sucks as you already know and you are willing to quickly shuck your smoke free time over & over again. You need to change. Not smoking after you quit is a commitment, a free choice, a promise to yourself. (Do you keep your promises?) To quit (over & over again) is easy; to Stay Quit no matter how much you want to smoke, no matter what you tell yourself, no matter how you feel is what you need to work on. You listen to your demon self-talk too easily. You need to get off the Merry-Go-Round ... that is if you really want to Stay Quit. (I will post an oldie blog of mine from another community I titled "Merry-Go-Round" in the Discussion Section. It's doable and I still believe in you. You have to do more than "just" want it though. You have to choose it and take smoking as an option off the table from Day One to make each day a Day Won.)

Most of us found the "Reward" cigarette to be one of the hardest ones to let go of when we quit. This is an oldie post I made in another community (on 8-30-19) which may be helpful. Delaying a smoke (before you choose to quit) is great, using distractions and other tools in our Quit Box is also great when we quit, but ultimately we need to see smoking for what it really is (an addiction) and let it go if we want to reach peace & gratefulness in our Stay Quit. Choosing to quit (letting our active addiction go dormant) is and always will be the REAL reward. You are worth REAL rewards in life (and smoking is not one of them). * * * * * * * * * * I used to see smoking as a reward … as earned ME time. The difference is I now see smoking as the addiction it really is and NOT in any way is it a reward. It never was & it never will be for anyone. Cigarette rewards are not REAL rewards. I decided that I was worth better rewards than smoking. I educated myself about nicotine addiction to change the way I saw smoking. It is a manufactured reward I needed to feed (over & over again) only because it is an addiction to nicotine. No more, no less. It was important for me to change what cigarettes meant to me in order to change ME & my perspective. Education on nicotine addiction was my ticket to Freedom. I latched onto anything & everything I could read about nicotine and addiction & Big Tobacco and found some amazing resources (whyquit.com being one of them). I no longer could close my eyes to what Big Tobacco put in cigarettes to make us inhale deeper when we smoked. I no longer could close my eyes to what Big Tobacco put in cigarettes to soothe our throats with menthol so we wouldn’t cough up a lung. I no longer could close my eyes to … etc. etc. etc. No more closed eyes for me. Educating myself opened my eyes & I could no longer toss away my denial thoughts of being an addict. I realized what I had become and what Big Tobacco had done to not only me but millions upon millions of people all in the name of $$$ for themselves. Get angry at Big Tobacco. Get angry at your addiction. Get angry at yourself for allowing it to happen. AND then begin to do something about it. Go after the REAL reward for yourself … SMOBRIETY. Quitting is not always easy but it really is simple. It was doable for me and it can be for you too. Educate yourself to change what smoking means to you, and then take your power back from Big Tobacco. AND … Don’t trade one addiction for another either by using E-Cigs/Vaping. They are NOT smoking cessation devices (no matter what others may try to tell you & that you want to believe). You really do need to quit smoking to quit smoking. Your lungs only love fresh, clean air inhaled into them. Time to really reward yourself!

Great decision to begin again. You CAN do it. None of us who have quit are special snowflakes with special sub-human powers. We quit and then since we chose not to smoke again we did something different other than smoke going forward ... hour by hour to start then by the day, then the month. One thing I reminded myself (self-talk) in those early days/months was that I only needed to go through this "quit smoking stuff" one more time if I "just" never took another puff/smoked another cigarette no matter how much I wanted to. The wants do pass eventually. Hang on & trust the eventually. Keep your focus forward to a non-smoking future you. And you don't have to do it alone. Holler for help as needed. I believe in you.

As Johann Hari would say, "The opposite of addiction is not smobriety ("sobriety"). The opposite of addiction is connection." Nobody says we have to quit alone. Support is a key tool to use in our "Tool Box". That being said, we must always be our biggest cheerleader. We are the only ones with ourselves 24/7 (positive self-talk mantras do help!). Nobody can do it for anyone else no matter how much we wish it for someone else.