Pilgrim
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NOPE
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@QuittingGirl I did!
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Here goes. Dumping all the paraphernalia now. 20260510_125218.mp4
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Pilgrim changed their profile photo -
@Reciprocity you're right on target about my romancing nicotine. I shamefully love the addiction. It's time to shift my devotion to my health and overall quality of life and buckle down with resolve. Starting tonight, by my estimate. @ I've read Easy Way and watched videos about this addiction. I held a Quit for over 10 years. At a point in my life I would have bet money on never being addicted to nicotine again. I understand it's self-destructive folly. That's why I'm here. you're right tho, I need to steel my resolve. I'll dump all my paraphernalia this time. @QuittingGirl yes, as you likely just read, I'll dump it all. 6 years, huh? You definitely get me. I picked up a pack of cinnamon sticks today. Thanky you all so much for the support, including you @SD2026. I appreciate the wisdom and encouragement from each of you.
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Yeah, it was probably the leftover cigs and liquid.... I know it's self-destruction but I want to use it up and then quit again when my supply is exhausted. I've been reflecting a lot as I relapse. I had the old, crumpled pack of cigarettes stuffed down the side-pocket of my backpack since long before I quit. I thought my vape liquid (my preferred means of nicotine delivery) had run dry - that was actually my starting point for this Quit - but discovered a half full bottle just after relapsing and was pleased. In my seven days Quit I was biking and jogging almost daily. I was just starting to enjoy the sensation of my lungs opening up and my sense of smell sharpening. It felt good. The relapse has been intense. I went from just one cigarette to one an hour ...in one cigarette. And of course I couldn't wait to get home from my night shift to dig out the vape and load it up. Since then it's been shameful surrender to the addiction. I can feel my body saturated in nicotine and those sweet endorphins it releases. I can feel all the old, familiar monsters too. The stink, the cold, the jitters, the pain and the fear ...the toll. It's so sweet, and oh so stupid. This time when the cigarettes and liquid run out I'll hit the road running and won't look back.
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Yeah, it was probably the leftover cigs and liquid.... I know it's self-destruction but I want to use it up and then quit again when my supply is exhausted.
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Yesterday was day seven of my quit. In the evening I made a sudden, conscious decision to smoke. It's like I stood at the rim and looked down in to the pit that is nicotine addiction and willingly jumped in that sweet, destructive hole again. Now I'm in it, with a few old cigarettes and half a bottle of vape liquid (about 5ml), telling myself I'll use this stuff up before I start the strenuous climb back to the surface. A day or two at most.
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day 5 of my quit and still fighting the demons. NOPE!
