HeatherDianne

Not today not one puff - Technically I have been smoke free for all of 2020!!

I will not smoke one cigarette today - not one puff!!

I wish I could jump in and say my first smoke free Christmas was awesome - but to be honest the last few days have been a rollercoaster for me. Christmas Eve - I was ready to throw it all away - Smokers were at my house and I WANTED TO JOIN THEM - I did not feel the freedom of not HAVING to smoke.(not yet) - At one point I had to excuse myself - went upstairs to my room and went outside on the balcony and cried and pretended to smoke with a candy cane. Did it help? well yes - After I was calmer and rejoined the party I was in a better space. But I would be lying if I did not admit I was not a happy quitter at all - I wanted to feel normal again - and smoking for me is a normal. But I did not - I am 3 days away from 2 months and it has been A LONG time since I can say that. I just couldn't throw it all away. so I just pretty much was a moody mess throughout the past 2 days. And I have decided that is ok. It is ok to not love my quit like some of you and to feel at times it is holding me back as much as smoking did but in different ways. or I am just too new to the smoke free life to feel the freedom - but I have FAITH that it will come in time. At one point I said to my husband " if the quitting is so good for me, the family and my life - why does it feel so awful and uncomfortable?" But I know the answer, I have done the homework and I know I am just a nicotine junkie looking for a fix - and this fact keeps me from lighting up a cigarette. But I wanted to share with all of you and the new people coming in - this is not always easy - in fact sometimes it is HARD and you have to push through - if you really want it. Did I learn anything from my Christmas? - Even not smoking, my addiction was very present. I am not in a place where I love being smoke free - but I can see and sense what it might be like - someday- but I am not there yet. and most of all I realized how much I want this quit. I may want to smoke, but I want the quit more - and that is why today December 26 - I am still smoke free and only 3 days away from 2 months. I have accepted that this holiday will be what it will be as I simply want to join in the festive smoking - and I find accepting that I still WANT to go outside with the smokers is fine - as Long as it stays a WANT and not an action - then really I will be fine. I will keep the quit. On another note - the smokers did tell me that a pack of 25 smokes has gone up and is $19.95 here in Canada now - I have to admit I love that I am not going to be paying that kind of money to light up and watch it disappear in a puff of smoke.

I will not smoke today - not a chance!

Welcome - it is a crazy road - this quit road-quit train - I have had so many ups and downs lately I realize it truly will be a journey not a race. WELCOME

Not today not one puff

I will not smoke today - Not one puff

This was the first time I felt jealousy - other than maybe day 1 or 2. I know it is the Junkie in me that is jealous... I am doing what. I promised to do, come here, eat candy - gain 100 pounds but no smoking.. The last few days have been challenging I cannot deny that I am disappointed that instead of feeling awesome about the holidays and not having to worry about when and where I can smoke. I am actually wishing I could just stay in bed and sleep through the entire holiday. This is very unlike me as I LOVE CHRISTMAS - but right now I just feel like everything is too much. I am hoping I will feel better once my break from work starts. I will not smoke today - or tomorrow - I know that deep down, I just wish I was more happy about it or at least these more recent feelings will go away.

I am writing today because the last 3 days I have been hit with the weirdest triggers and cravings. Nothing new to 1 month plus quitter right? But I wasn't expecting them and I have to admit they shook the ground I stood on - I for a few moments - actually considered smoking! I have really not had this experience this entire quit. I feel like I have been a step ahead the whole quit and clearing my path of triggers and it has been working - then BAM - I go out to feed my dogs and I always wait as our puppy tries to eat our older dog's food. (I used to have a smoke while. they ate) and BAM I was not just having a craving but what an intense through my body to the ground - I WANT A SMOKE. it caught me so off guard I seriously didn't know what to do - thoughts started racing through my brain and I started to have trouble catching my breath. I felt light headed.. I finally just shut my eyes and focused on my breathing until I calmed down... But this was strong... when I came back into the house - I broke down in tears - because I know I am an addict and I am going to have to deal with this kind of thing whenever it happens and it really got me down. I was in a traffic jam over the weekend and I was between 2 cars and guess what they were both smoking!! Seriously unless I looked straight ahead I was sandwiched between the smokers. I watched one of them take that inhale and exhale for a minutes or two. - My craving subsided but I have to admit - I JEALOUS that they were smoking, I think I am exhausted from the quit, and life and getting through each day as a strong quitter - I am just feeling so tired. I want my freedom - I want this quit - however I am feeling like I am never going to be a relaxed happy quitter. I hope I am wrong. This being my first Christmas as a non smoker - I am making plans to keep my quit at all costs - but I am losing the happiness in it and just feel like it is a never ending cycle - before I quit I focused on when I would be able to smoke - now that I am quit - I try to plan for triggers and cravings - anything to not smoke - but either way I am still focusing on smoking or not smoking each and every day.. It is exhausting.

I will not smoke today not one puff

Not today not one puff!

Thank you so much for sharing.... I am in a weird place with my quit too... I don't want to smoke but life seems grim having to constantly be worried about triggers and cravings.. I am only a month in - I have a long way to to go to get to a year - I have to look at it one day at time - but after a month - I have to admit - I want to be quit more than smoke, and I hope the rest of my life, emotions, etc catches up with me soon. I haven't replaced smoking with anything in particular, but I am trying to find little projects to do each day that I would have stopped and started over and over again to smoke. I find most of the time by the time I am at the end of the project - my smoking thoughts disappeared . I have been having a lot of smoking dreams lately and wake up thinking I blew me quit. This does not help because all of sudden every morning is all about smoking. I loved the morning smoke (junkie needing a fix) so lately I feel like week 5 is worse than week 3 because I have so many more smoking thoughts - even just to tell myself it was just a dream. UGH You are not alone and I admire your post - I needed to see others are struggling. It is hard to accept that I might still be in a weird place by the time I hit 9 months. But I want to live a year of my life smoke free - in all my past quits I have never made a year. I think the junkie in me knew if I made a year I would be FREE. But again I don't focus on that. I do day to day or I am finding I can now plan a smoke free weekend and know confidently I will not smoke. Not a chance

I will not smoke today!!

Not today - Not one puff

Welcome and CONGRATS!! A week is wonderful. And good for you for taking on the pub already! I sort of became a hermit for the first few weeks, just starting to get out there and do regular stuff again - but SMOKE FREE.- and I am at the point in my quit where I am realizing how much time I wasted - making time to smoke. UGH I truly take it one day at time - that works for me in the early stages - I don't even Pledge the NOPE - as the EVER overwhelms me - But I can always commit to a day - one day at a time. Welcome and stay close

I will not smoke today - not one puff!

I will not smoke today - not one puff!!

We are QUIT TWINS @Steve63 Congrats to you too!!

I am so excited to post this morning. I made it ONE MONTH. It has been quite the journey. I have had to hide out in my bed, not respond to my phone, say no to going out with friends - anything to not smoke. And I have freedom back in my life, I am not constantly trying to sneak out of work for a smoke, I do not spend my days in withdraw, I do not smell anymore. I still have days where I can feel the demon - where I think I could just buy a pack and feel "normal" but I know there is nothing normal about smoking and the feelings I have are from an addiction not a friend. As I enter my second month - I hope to feel more confident in my quit - I want to join my friends at the bar etc. - but. I have learned from my years of smoking and many attempted quits - my quit is a baby and needs my attention and nurturing. - As it grows in days and time - I will be stronger. But for today can I just say YAY - ONE MONTH - it has been years since I have had a month smoke free!!

I will not smoke today not one puff!!! - Not on my one month Anniversary -

I will not smoke today not one puff

Not one puff today!!

I will not smoke today not one puff.

I will not take one puff today - Nope!

I will not smoke today not one puff - Not on my 3 week anniversary!!!