Opah

A bit shaky, feeling uneasy, Being pulled in many different directions, one distraction and it seems my well organized routine is gone and now the questions start did I take my Blood sugar meds, did I take my Heart meds, Did I remember to. Then the fog of uncertainty starts obstructing my path, I once could see miles down the direction i was headed now not so much. I once was organized and could know at a glance where I was and where I was going Now nor so much. I was very focused and knew what, who and when, but now there are more and more demands, and I am forgetting and it is getting harder to say if I did or if I didn't. Hopefully this is a not smoking thing that will pass, any ways I will work myself forward. I guess after the great morning last week it set a high bar for a good day. I bet it is just the Monday blues, Ill be way better tomorrow ok just had lunch and I feel much better, may be low sugar.

good Job This is for you

Thank you Jill, I can be such a klutz when it comes to posting stuff. Appreciated

Your welcome Linda: Hope today is a better day.

Damn I feel good this morning, woke up way eelier than normal, with a spring in my step. Blood sugar has been below 100 every morning since I was Hunting and it feels like a switch has been turn on. so here you go

Copy That I will make sure not to be too friendly to you IQ

I had wrote a longer message but it got deleted some how so instead I'll just leave you this

Wow Linda what did I miss here while I was running around in my loin cloth hunting those wild boar ! I hope you are still there, I just want to give this little piece of advice. No matter what happens Good bad stay with us, if you feel Ragged on address it if you get mad get mad. I have been on and off of here for years, and the reason why is I did relapse, I know if I had came back I could have addressed what happened and got back to it. I would be a lot better off than I am today. No sob story here, it took a heart attack for me to get serious about me quitting. and yes everyone's quit is different but please hang in there with us Girl

Adios Me Amigos E Amigas a back in 5 days

Want a great one Jill ? The shape of water / Super good and you never see the ending coming.

Last one I promise Linda, well until tomorrow, But for Now Lets JUMP !

I am sorry Linda I just want to jump and hallor for you ;

30 days ! Lets celebrate, I tell you what 30 is tomorrow correct? When I get to the Ranch at about 10am I will get up on the Hill look towards Michigan and yell out to you my best WOOOOOHOOO ! OK the real Me Now

My heart is pounding, my guys are avoiding me because I will bend their ears with Hunting, the ranch. memories, I am just a chipmunk chattering at all in the forest. so full of excitement and to make things worse I have been drinking caffeinated coffee with a Sugar free Butterscotch shooter, talking about being ramped up.

Remember how easy it was to have fun when we were little ?

Sitting here at my desk scribbling cryptic notes on pieces of paper I will refer to later for my end of shift pass down. Trying to pass the time in a dignified fusion, counting the minutes till the prior shift goes home. for at that time I will be free to crank my computer music up and start to feel unburdened or encumbered . Seeing that the first aid room is off limits to me now and running around in my underwear singing at the top of my lungs would probably end up as bad as the Bubble bath did, I must reframe. I must amuse my self, I cant seem to find my go to make me smile U-tube video it a blond skinny UK kid waking up claiming out his window, he now has a happy face shirt and good morning sunshine is play, he is strutting down the walk and his Nana and grandpa are setting there with signs the say nana and grandpa then his friends and x-girls friends it ends with them handing him an envelope the says just to stand in your light, No, I didn't think anyone other than me would know it. Maybe if I locked the door this time the bubble bath would work ?

Now that today is tomorrow, and all hopes were for a better day tomorrow which is today now How Ya doing Girl ?

How many years has your mind had to make adjustments to the horrible and beautiful things you endure at work ? I bet it wasn't easy at first, I bet there were times you questioned if you could continuing doing what you do. Your mind has just started to evolve back to what it was before you smoked, it will never be a virgin to smoking again some things just don't come back, but it will become a memory in time, a reflex of thought when you are challenged. To save life's, to bring life's into this world is a wondrous ability, Rejoice with the good and be proud of you such a small percent can do what you do. you will master this, you will own your quit. I am proud of you and hold you up as my inspiration, thank you

Hi Deb: Not yet, we postponed the trip a week. worried about the road to the ranch being flooded and unpassable. This Monday is the get going day, Monday thru Thursday,. Man I love it up there, so many animals, deer, Turkey, wild Boar, quail Beautiful. Rolling Green hills, sections of wooded area surrounded by meadows. Wake up to turkeys gobbling and the thunder flapping of there wings coming of of there roost, the fawns will eat out of your hand just amazing place to be. Its going to be a bit different this time, only two of us and I will be in my camper by my self, so I will have a retreat if necessary. I am absolutely not purchasing any smoking or vaping products to go with me, so crave or not I will not have anything to smoke, ( can't smoke what you don't have ) Yes Jim it has been a long time and I am happy no one has gotten to spank you with wet noodles. You have always been a rock. This time around I have been given a real good reason and an inspiration to keep my quit and no matter what i felt about smoking I value my life much more. I do so appreciate you all and am proud to refer Quit train to Others. and also appreciate being able to come back when I have lapsed without being Judged, I hope to share in the inspiration and strength you all provide.

Damn, had it going so nice, hot water running, found some aloevera hand soap for the Bubbles. Got the softy music playing on my company phone and just as I was going to crawl into the Tub my boss walks in the first aid room looking for a band aid ? YIKES ! He got the full Mounty. Not the best Idea taking a bubble bath at work in the first aid room even if they do have a really nice tub.

A hot Bubble bath, soft music, aromatic candles, just drifting off. man that sound marvelous Linda.

My truck still smells, but it is a not good smell, I wouldn't say stink but it sure aint no bed of roses. Need to hit it up with some fabris no sent works for my hunting stuff. It has passed, just kibda figured that this type of thing was gone, guess not, at least I am aware of it now and next time I;ll be better equipped to Blow it off as a trigger.

Feeling a little apprehensive this morning, be pulling out tomorrow morning and all the second guessing is on in high gear, decided not to take my Toyota 4X4, uncomfortable with how much oil it is leaking, Taking my big 4X4 GMC Yukon a lot more gas but it wont even know it has a trailer hooked up. But what I did notice is the smoking area seemed very smoky this morning. couldn't help but smell it, it was almost like a BBQ on a rainy day you cant help but take a deep whiff. Kinda shook me for a second, tried to pretend it did not smell good to me. So here i sit working it out in text, I remember one time following a truck down the freeway because I could smell him smoking, does the smell of smoking ever catch any of you off guard ? Ok need to shake this off and get to work, just one more trigger I need to put to bed.

Hope this works