I have so much blog material at the moment. But this is one I find myself going back to today.
It is so hard to be honest about addiction, not just to the outside world, but to yourself. Being critical, not scared of the cold hard truth. The courage to look yourself in the eye and explore that impulse emotion when someone calls the addiction by it's name. I posted about my relapse last night. And I found the support overwhelming, and I thank all of you that had my back. I could've said nothing. I could've forgiven myself and just leave it at that. -Which is so not me btw-
BUT I think it's REALLY important for people who are quitting and haven't experienced the crisis I had this weekend, to know about this, so they can come up with a plan! AND ! BE HONEST!
I did have a plan for crisis situations, when the fish tank broke down and my living room was covered with an inch of water, I knew what to do, cause I have been in such a situation before.
I posted a &^@^# on the forum and I called a few friends to help me through the chaos.
This crash was a new experience all together. And for everyone that have no experience in that kind of crisis it's hard enough to keep your head together and come up with something on the spot.
Autistic crisis means "new" = *flat-line*= no plan.. nothing besides the chaos and sounds, feelings, lights, voices (that you can't decipher while they are definitely speak the same language as you right?) and all are dumped on a brain that just cannot process it ..
I had a complete meltdown on the street and the cops had to call my crisis coach who came but couldn't stay the night (which is understandable).
In other somewhat similar crisis modes when I didn't have a coach yet or when I couldn't get in contact with my coach, I went over to my neighbour a few houses down the street. She is an autism coach - not mine- and knows how to calm me down. And her door is always open even if it's 5 am in the morning.
Now on to the solution! Because all of the above is just background information and "the why" is not that important. The "How to move on" is.
My first thought was: " I have to be honest about it. I have to confess, not sugarcoat it, not sweep it under the rug."
This will prevent:
- Shame - I don't know about you guys, but I HATE lying, I can't even.. I will say the most stupid things to people, which are true, but not really appropriate at that time. I have tried to train this, but it gives me more stress than necessary. So it's what you see is what you get with me. So IF I decided to withhold this information, I will be ashamed and that would prevent me from getting the right help. So BE HONEST!
- Junky thoughts getting a hold on me - If I not fess up to this, my Junky-me will be stronger next time this presents it self. And not the relapse it self, but the chance to actually relapse becomes bigger. If I could lie then, why not..... BE HONEST!
Putting a new plan into place:
- Make a list of every smoker I know and TELL them. Don't try to be the lone bad ass wolf that defies the nicotine on her own when being with these people. (And yes, I should've told her a few weeks back when I ran in to her at the grocery store that I quit smoking - that is all on me! )
- Asking for help with this list cause this is all I can come up with now