Memoirs of my fifth day not smoking (here in list form for your entertainment):

• Woke up tired.  My body, while nicotine free, is still greatly missing the stimulants.
• Got out of bed and made coffee.
• Laid back down in the bed and tried to decide if quitting smoking constituted a legitimate need for a sick day.
• Got out of bed again and got dressed.
• Went to work.  Chewed three pieces of gum during the seven mile drive.
• Arrived at work, dropped personals off in my office, went to kitchenette to make coffee.
• Ate five Twizzlers while waiting for the coffee to perk.
• Checked email, logged in to QuitTrain.
• Ate a bacon, egg, and cheese buscuit, and then took my daily Chantix pill.
• Logged in to QuitTrain.
• Reading about quitting gives me the craves.  Ate five more Twizzlers and logged out of QuitTrain.
• Began working on an analysis; got severely distracted by a speck of floating dust, ate a Twizzler.  Didn't help.  Ate four more.
• Pulled analysis back up and realized I wanted a cigarette.  Logged in to QuitTrain, and NOPE'd again for good measure.
• Let calls continue to go to voice mail - no desire to be fired for a mouthing off today.
• Looked at analysis.  Added some numbers.  The sum line looked like a cigarette.  Sucked on a lolllipop.  Recalculated because my addition was wrong.
• Logged in to QuitTrain.  Played Chicks or Sticks for five minutes while deep breathing.
• Dammit.  My math was STILL wrong.  Recalculated.  Got more coffee.
• Noticed the clock.  I have only been at work for seventeen minutes.  Ate two more Twizzlers.
• Phoned a friend.
• Re-committed to being ultra-productive at work today, but played Chicks and Sticks instead.
• Googled whether or not anyone has ever died from quitting smoking.
• Googled whether or not anyone has ever been convicted of murder while quitting smoking.
• Googled how many calories are in a Twizzler.  Ate twelve more Twizzlers.
• Committed to exercising every time I get a craving.
• Ate lunch.
• Food exacerbated the whole tired feeling.  Got another cup of coffee.
• Had a craving, thought seriously about getting some exercise.  Ate a Twizzler instead.
• Walked to the store to buy more Twizzlers.
• Logged in to QuitTrain.
• Tried to complete analysis - realized it's not going to happen today - decided to work on system testing instead.
• While test system booting up, logged in to QuitTrain.
• Got distracted by Chicks and Sticks and forgot about test system.
• Ate thirty-two Twizzlers in a fit of the craves.
• Felt ill from Twizzlers and considered walking to the ladies room to evacuate.  Decided I was too tired for that much activity.
• Made a fresh pot of coffee.  Forgot to drink any of it.
• Ate some rice crisps.  Not sweet enough.  Ate three more Twizzlers.
• Closed test system and cleared voice mail messages.
• Sent tasks to everyone in the office to call these people back so I don't get fired for mouthing off to them.
• Logged in to QuitTrain.  NOPE'd again.
• Ate three Twizzlers while watching the clock tick down to quitting time.
• Discovered the time-slowing properties of quitting smoking.  Left work an hour early.
• Chewed two pieces of gum on the seven mile drive home.
• Drank an ale.
• With Twizzlers.
• Ate dinner.
• Watched Girl's Trip, which was funny enough for me to not think about smoking at all for like two whole hours.
• Ate an entire box Mike & Ike's.  And popcorn.
• Opened another ale, set it down on the counter to go to the bathroom, forgot about the ale and went to bed early.