July 4, 201610 yr I'm a screw up. I'm slowly dying inside. I turned out to be like my parents... alceholic, smoker... didn't drink since 8 this mornng and shaking. I have to get up. Yes I'm a window licker, Bakon. I'm scared. terrified. My ticker is counting and it's about time I bloody move away from this house of hell, back to Voorhout. I'm slowly fading, my hearts dying Just my thoughts
July 4, 201610 yr Evelyn, Please take a whole lot of cool clean breaths. Alcohol is a depressant and won't be doing you any favors right now, it makes things worse than they are. Hopefully soon you will be back to Voorhout, and you will be back there, a new clean beautiful woman. You are not your parents. You are Evelyn, someone who is quitting smoking, someone who inspires others, someone who tries even when it is looking grimy and grim. You have a big role here on the QTrain, you inspire so many people. Some people you don't even know about, you never know who is tuning in and hearing your struggles and deciding to push on through. If Evelyn can try, I can try. You are not a screw up. You fail, we all fail. You get up and try again, that is what You do.
July 4, 201610 yr Saz is right Evelyn...you are you and nobody else...all I've seen over the years is a young strong lady ... Fighting to not be like her parents... Go back to your corner of the ring....and come out punching and fighting .. Do what you have to do...move...join more help groups...you can do this ..I know you can... Only weak people give up....fight .... Throw out the cigs and booze...Take it one day at a time... Come on EV...we are here for you...xxxxx
July 4, 201610 yr Author Cigs and booze gone I'm on the train again. No frigging excuses I'm even having alcohol withdrawal also smoking I have 5 says to get back on my feet and I am not my parents beverage ever will be. Love you girls
July 4, 201610 yr http://youtu.be/mgmVOuLgFB0 This has always been a great motivation in some dark days. We believe in you Evelyn :)
July 4, 201610 yr did you throw it all out? you cant be trusted around them. then move away from whatever caused this
July 5, 201610 yr Author I'm working on moving bakon didn't touch civil or booze I'm very unhappy in that house and that an understatement
July 5, 201610 yr 22 ! fgs, cut it out, evelyn. smoking won't get you moved to better quarters but, the energy and power you will get by not smoking will help you in many, many ways. we are your friends. cigarettes are not your friends.
July 5, 201610 yr Author I'm a mess. Total mess. Gimme a Damn break. Who cares... I can't handle my life let alone smoking
July 7, 201610 yr Alright Evelyn!! One day at a time girl! Today is all you have. THIS MOMENT IS YOUR ONLY SURETY. RIGHT NOW NOPE!! It works and you know it Woo hoo!!
July 7, 201610 yr Remember Evelyn. Nobody is having ago at you, we know things are tough. But smoking will only drag you down further. You know this! Scream and shout, but don't smoke. Things will become easier for you, I'm sure. Have you ever read this? Its called "choose your pain". You know when you read something and it just sticks with you, well this was mine. Everytime something or someone tried to throw me a curve ball, this was the post I went to. I don't want to die in a horrible way, if possible. I certainly don't want it to be because of me. For my family, for ME! Have a read. I don't need it anymore. So i pass it on to you. I want you to have it. This was one of my favourite post on the Woofmang site.Choose your pain2009 January 6One of the strongest motivators for human beings (actually, for all conscious beings) is the avoidance of pain. if you think about it, you'll probably come to the conclusion that this one factor, above all others, was the primary reason we continued to smoke for as long as we did, in spite of the overwhelming evidence that by doing so, we were doing incredible damage to ourselves; we didn't continue to smoke because we had a death wish (at least, most of us didn't), we continued to smoke to avoid the pain of withdrawal from our addiction to nicotine.if we’re not willing to endure the pain of change now, we’ll almost certainly have to endure the pain of regret later. and it will affect not only us, but all those people whose lives we touch in one way or another.but pain can also be a good thing: in certain circumstances, it's our body's only way of letting us know that something's wrong; in others, it's a sign that our body is doing its job of healing itself. the severity of the pain can tell us, in the first case, how urgent the problem is, and, in the second, how bad the damage was that's being repaired. pain is also inevitable; nobody goes through life without experiencing pain of some kind.as it relates to our struggle to quit smoking, there are basically two kinds of pain, and we get to choose which one we'd rather endure; the pain of change or the pain of regret. yes, the pain of change (the pain of withdrawal from our addiction to nicotine) is intense; for many of us, it will be the most intense pain we've ever experienced. but it's also temporary; in a few days or weeks, it'll be pretty much over, and as long as we never feed our addiction again, we'll never have to endure the pain of withdrawal again.but if we're not willing to endure the pain of change now, we'll almost certainly have to endure the pain of regret later. and it will affect not only us, but all those people whose lives we touch in one way or another.because in our case, the pain of regret may be encountered when our doctor tells us that we have lung cancer and that we'll have to endure invasive medical procedures such as the removal of part of a lung or worse. in our case, the pain of regret may be encountered while we're undergoing chemotherapy. or it may be encountered when we finally find ourselves on our deathbed.and when we encounter the pain of regret, we'll probably wish that we had gone through the pain of change back when we had the chance to do so voluntarily: "if only i'd quit when i found out about the emphysema...", "if only i'd stuck with that program...", "if only i'd resisted the urge to smoke that one cigarette...", "if only..."these two words may be the saddest words in the entire english language (or in any language, for that matter) - "if only..."and the saddest thing about them is, that by the time we say them, it's almost always already too late. and how are you going to explain to your son or your daughter that mommy or daddy just didn't have the strength to face the pain of change back when it could have made a difference?how are you going to explain to your mother or father that, because you couldn't face the pain of change, they'll now have to face the pain of attending their own child's funeral?how are you going to explain to your family, friends and loved ones who are watching you die a slow, horrifying, painful death why you chose to leave them with such a gruesome set of memories of you to carry with them the rest of their lives?how are you going to explain that?personally, i never want to have to try.that's why i choose the pain of change.
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