Probably needs to get rid of the accumulating garbage and me his lawn

 

How do you know it's falling out of escrow?

Because he told us

 

What's the difference between dirt and soil?

Soil tastes better

 

What's the difference between a mallet and a hammer?

The rubber on the head of it

 

How can you tell if someone is stupid or just dumb?

Stupid people tend to try and put the square peg in the round hole and dumb people don't even know where to start

 

Are the drapes supposed to match the carpet?   😆

No, carpet is so 1990. It's all about hardwoods now 😂

 

How does lint get in bellybuttons?

Belly button static cling

 

What the difference between body wash and soap?

The price

 

How does eating an apple a day keep the Dr away?

It doesn't but the apple growers are happy

 

Can you get your daily amount of vitamin C by drinking a couple of vodka and orange juice?

Yes..yes you can 😋

 

Do fish fart?

Sure they do

 

What is the difference between an Avenue and a street?

An avenue is bigger

 

When does a pond qualify as a lake?

When two ponds become one

 

What's the difference between paddling someone's behind or spanking someone's ass?

The age it's done

 

What's the purpose of having a k in knife or knee or any of those other kn words?

 

 

To confuse people

 

How did ugly sweaters get so popular?

The same way pet rocks did

 

 

What kind of stations do insects pick up with their antennas?

 

Bug life TV

 

What do ants grow on their ant farm?

Ants

 

Why is a drink after a hangover called hair of the dog?

Do you have a better phrase instead

 

Why is it called a hangover and not just "still shit faced"?

Because you don't have to be shit faced to have a hangover

 

If it's the dog days of summer what are the days of winter called?

Colder than a witches teat

 

What's the difference between a snow thrower and a snow blower?

 

one blows the snow and one just gives it a toss.  

 

If you feel like your going to be sick and you really need to poop do you sit on the dunny and hope for the best or do you pray to the porcelain gods and hope your sphincter holds.

You just sit on the toilet, bend over and grab your ankles. Then pray to God it's not volcanic.

 

Should dab or wipe after a volcanic crap?

Both!

 

Which is heavier a pound of pennies or a pound of feathers?

You tell when they fall on you

 

Why is a porta potty called a Johnny on the spot?