DVredux

So I made it to the 1 month mark! Yay! But I do not want to write about celebrations right now. My post is about the last 2 days, which have been exceptionally tough. It is as if the addiction is playing tag with my conscience. Round and round they go with my feeble self hanging in the middle, at times by nothing less than a thread. It started on Wednesday mid afternoon and was so bad that I had to take a personal half day, and a leave on the following day (Thursday). I used up all my arsenal but nothing worked. At times I caught myself sitting upright on the bed looking at the ceiling, and there were times when I was talking to myself, encouraging me bent over the kitchen sink. Last night I went through two huge Cadbury's candy bars along with gulping coffee, which I used to diffuse the craves (Hell I was reaching out for anything). Sleepless, tired, anxious and irritated, that has been the story of the past two days. In the past 48 hours I have cried, thought about punching the wall or hurting myself to see if the pain helped, ran so hard that my legs cramped up, paced about at 3 in the morning. I am just glad I came out strong. Now I am not writing a memoir or sharing a day in the life of (in this case, 2 days), I am sharing this for two reasons or realities rather. The first one being the reality of the crave. People think that after 15 days or 25 days or their quit, they are out in the clear. This is when the crave strikes, when you have dropped your guard. No Matter how long you are in your quit, the lesson is not to drop your guard! The second one is the reality of addiction. I have always considered myself to be a strong man, but the quit has broken me down in so many ways. This shows how submissive you have been to the addiction throughout that even when you have quit, you are at its mercy. Therefore never lost out on your resolve. Take care, keep safe and stay quit!

Hey TocevoD, how are you doing buddy? I remember something like this happenong at the 2 month mark in my previous quit, but like someone mentioned everyone has a different mental clock. It could be your brain reacting to subliminal triggers. I am really glad that you are in control, however if you ever feel vulnerable, suck on an icecube or bite down hard on it. Helps with the crave.

Congrats LIN!

Thanks everyone for welcoming me on board! Sorry for the late response, was away travelling and enjoying nature and scents via a smoke free body respiratory tract! To collectively sum up the response, the relapse of my long term quit boiled down to a very stupid decision where I was mentally convinced that 1 cig on a social occasion is perfectly ok, considering that I am not addicted to nicotine anymore. Anyways we all know how that goes. Trust me you can educate yourself all you want (and I had all the education up there), but the moment you start to think you are invincible, that's when you become the most vulnerable. I guess the main lesson to learn is not only to have the education, but also the presence of mind to kick yourself in the butt the moment you decide on playing god, ha! Else you would end up like Lucas introducing Jar Jar in the episode 1, scratching your head thinking "why did I do that". So this time I went back to the basics, did what I did the time when I went on the long term quit: -Put the pictures of my two kids (I had one back then) with a quote saying "this is why you are doing it". -Allowed myself to eat anything and everything. I am ok to pack a few pounds for the first 4-6 weeks if need be and then start off with the fitness routine (I am having a peanut butter milkshake as I speak). -Pick up an intense physical activity / sport. I picked up running and kick-boxing in the previous quit. This time I have put a punching bag up. The idea is to physically wear yourself down towards nirvana. Also when I am at home and the crave hits, I go at it for a couple of rounds. -Stash up normal sugarfree chewing gum, preferably strong mint / winterfresh. -Download a ridiculous but thought consuming game on your cell phone, preferably one which has rounds that last between 3-5 mins. That's the time a crave lasts. -For the last resort, when a major crave hits, go into the bathroom, open the warm shower, let the steam rise up. Stand there and breath. While making your lungs work, it clears up your sinuses as well, something which I suffer from during the first couple of weeks. The one thing that works best for me during craves is that I ramble a lot instead of taking a pledge etc. So watch out for my ramblings! I am in it for good this time and going to be around this forum, so if anyone wants to chat or talk, shout out ! Have a lovely day!

Hello, Relapsed and recommitted previous member of the QSMB board here. Yes, i have relapsed quite a few times and no it has not destroyed my resolve to make sure that this time this quit sticks. Its similar to how evolution does not give up trying to be better and failing a number of times. Quit on March 30th