Christian99

I still have occasional smoking dreams (maybe once or twice a year), and they're incredibly disturbing to me.  I don't think they have anything to do with smoking, per se; instead, I've come to see them as profound expressions/metaphors for anxiety or stress about other things going on in my life.  

Christian99

Nearing 19 Years Quit 

My brother died of lung cancer at 42, smoking until he lost consciousness for the final time (and even after, making unconscious smoking gestures with with hands and mouth until his death).  It was a terrible death, made much worse by the shame he felt because of his complicity in his own death.  His wife, also a heavy smoker, took her own life an hour after my brother passed.  

Christian99

18 1/2 Years Quit

So let me describe a slightly different approach...

I struggled with some false starts when I first attempted to quit, and it was bewildering to me that I didn't seem able to maintain my resolve and commitment when--just like you--I was fully aware of the terrible damage my cigarette use was doing to my body.  Frankly, I've never felt like a mentally weak person, and I was pretty certain that I had, indeed, made the genuine decision that I did not want to be a smoker anymore; thus, I couldn't really figure out what was missing.  In fact, I bristled at the suggestion that my failures indicated that somehow I just hadn't committed myself fully to becoming a nonsmoker.  

At some point, I decided to simply bracket further education on the addiction and the cultivation of a particular (positive) mindset about quitting and instead focus on action.  For me, that meant engaging in non-smoking behaviors--primarily connected to exercise and healthy foods--that, piece-by-piece, helped me slowly construct a new smoke-free identity.  I really couldn't think or will that identity into existence; instead, it had to emerge organically from lots of little, concrete choices I made and actions I undertook each day.  The change obviously took time, but even in the early days, these new behaviors helped me during difficult moments when the quit seemed vulnerable:  at those times, the actual act of smoking seemed inconsistent with this new persona I was creating.  And that new persona was being created not by thoughts but by actions.  

I like to think that I quit my way into certainty, commitment, positive thinking, etc.  And things changed for me when I realized that it wasn't necessary to have those things first.  

All the best--we know you can do it.

Christian99

18 1/2 Years Quit 

Thanks so much, friends.  I told my students yesterday and one of the classes broke into a round of applause; I have one class today, and I'm looking forward to sharing the news with them. 

Cheers--

C99

18 Years Quit

I haven't had a single craving or even passing thought of smoking in well over fifteen years, yet I have periodic smoking dreams like the ones you describe.  They're deeply unsettling.  A friend of mine who has advanced training in psychology and whose insights I value suggested to me a few years ago that the dreams probably have nothing to do with my quit proper and instead may be a way for my subconscious to examine/express broader issues like success/failure, the "imposter syndrome," etc. 

Christian99

17 1/2+ Years Quit 

Congratulations on the quit.  Two quick observations...

First, maybe think about trying to force yourself to go to the gym despite the fatigue.  Sometimes exercise can be an energy producer instead of an energy consumer, and you may feel better as a result of going.  Second, definitely don't be alarmed if your energy is not back to normal in a couple of days, as you mention in your initial post of this thread.  Recovery can be a long process--and given how long most of us smoked, the toxicity of the chemicals we've ingested, and the habits we've ingrained, it would actually be surprising if this weren't the case.  Cultivate patience.  

Christian99

17 1/2 Years Quit

Quitting smoking was exceptionally hard for me--much harder, in fact, than I thought it would be, and I think I began the enterprise with relatively reasonable expectations.  But the rewards have also been exponentially greater than I ever imagined they could be--continuing to grow and help me even now, more than 17 1/2 years after my last cigarette (and about 16 years since my last craving of any kind).  A positive mindset is helpful, but if you're feeling miserable in the early weeks/months, that's OK.  Develop and trust a thoughtful and well-informed process that caters to your individual strengths, insist on absolute abstinence from smoking, and you WILL break through.  And when you do, I bet you'll be astonished at the ever-increasing benefits.  

Christian99

17 1/2 Years Quit

I've been quit for 17 1/2 years, and by a conservative estimate I have not spent  $48,106.50 on cigarettes that I otherwise would have spent during that time.   That's assuming, of course, that I would have survived the widowmaker heart attack and cardiac arrest I experienced (at age 40) seven years AFTER I quit, which every physician I've encountered tells me would not have happened had I still been a smoker.  

Christian99

17 1/2 Years Quit

For the sake of consistency, I'd love to see challenges to this (obviously smart and beneficial) policy by the folks on this site who love to claim that ALL limits to freedom (and the commercial tobacco industry/lobby has done a masterful job of convincing people that smoking is a form of freedom) are somehow dangerous and un-american.  

Way to go Atlanta.  

Christian99

17 1/2 Years Quit   

I'm assuming that, like me, you choose to include NRT in your larger suite of tools to help you succeed in this crucial enterprise after carefully considering all the options available to you.  As such, you've made a fantastic, life-affirming choice, and I admire you for your decision.  Your quit is not only not "fake"; I'm happy to argue that since you catered your approach to your individual circumstances with an approach endorsed by addiction specialists, it very well could be superior and more authentic than those attempted by individuals who continue, irrationally, to fetishize the "cold turkey" quit. 

You are doing great, friend.  Keep it up--it will change your life.

Christian99

Nearing 17 1/2 Years Quit  

The gum was a very useful tool for me when I quit.  I continued to carry a couple of pieces around with me for several months after I stopped chewing it (chewed it for 2-3 months), just in case I felt like I needed extra assistance in those still early stages of the quit.  In my experience, claims of long-term nicotine gum dependence are wildly exaggerated and ultimately unhelpful to the quitters who choose NRT as part of their recovery.  Also, scientifically speaking, inhaling burning cigarette smoke is a far more efficient delivery method of nicotine (and every other chemical) than chewing the gum.  It's not even close, so a piece of gum is not like two cigarettes.   It's not a bad idea to try to stop chewing entirely, but I wouldn't worry too much about it--you're doing great!

Christian99

Nearing 17 1/2 Years Quit 

2 hours ago, Jet Black said:

 

My intention is most decidedly not to pile on here (because I can only imagine the self-recrimination you're feeling at this point); however, I think you need to understand what you're up against right now:  your brain chemistry, after an extended process of recalibration, has been altered by your relapse.  Thus, your smoke-free future is extraordinarily vulnerable at this point because you'll be experiencing physical cravings like you haven't been for quite some time.  Stay close, friend, and think back to (and exploit) your experiences and strategies early in your quit.  We know you can do it.  

Christian99

17+ Years Quit 

Not a fan of the book (to say the least); I share that not at all to troll on the original post or supporters of Carr, but instead to speak to those who might read it and feel like maybe they're missing something or that there's something wrong with their quit.  It's not for everyone, and as long as you're not smoking you're doing great.  Lots of people have benefitted from the book, and I certainly respect its impact.    

Christian99

17+ Years Quit 

Some really great responses here.  In my own case, it was probably 11 months or so that I was really convinced that I was non/ex-smoker (as opposed to convincing myself that I was a non/ex-smoker).  That said, while I haven't had a single craving for or even a passing thought of smoking a cigarette for well over fifteen years, I remain (quietly and gently) vigilant.  The addiction scares me and always will.  

Christian99

17+ Years Quit

"I think it is officially over"

Be careful:  that can be a dangerous attitude at what is still an early point in your recovery.  Remain vigilant--your life depends on it.

Christian 99

17+ Years Quit

Warmest congrats on 2 years, Jim!

Christian99

Ten and a half years ago, my 42 year old brother died of lung cancer.  He smoked until he lost consciousness for the final time--and even then, for some time after, he continued making unconscious smoking gestures.  His inability to quit after his diagnosis and through his treatment was a source of profound pain and shame for him, making his impending and actual death even more difficult and frightening for him.  His wife took her own life a few hours after he died, underscoring and adding to the tragedy. 

Smoking kills.

I quit for a better life; just as (and perhaps more) importantly, I quit for a better death.

Christian99

17+ Years Quit

On 2/8/2019 at 6:52 AM, Wayne045 said:

 

I don't know about victimization.   Anyone who started smoking after the surgeon generals first started warning the the public about the dangers of smoking in the mid 60's, knows that smoking was bad for your health.   Now if you had started before then you would have a point.  I know I started smoking and continued smoking knowing the danger and yet I did so anyway.

 

The problem is you start with tobacco/cigarettes and then move on to other things, like soft drinks in NYC, or fast food, etc.  They're all bad for you right?  So we have to tax them into oblivion or outright ban them making everyone an instant criminal.

 

If you want to sue or charge the tobacco companies (and many individuals and state governments have done just that) for criminally misleading the public about the addictive and destructive properties of nicotine/cigarettes , that is an action that goes to the heart of the matter.

 

As for street narcotics like heroin or methamphetamine, those don't exactly come from legal sources do they?   Again the logical action would be to find the source and stop the flow of the drugs.

 

 

I respectfully disagree.  The legality of cigarettes is a construct supported by the BILLIONS of dollars that have been spent by the industry to maintain it as such; it has nothing to do with the toxicity of the substance. Thus, it is far more similar to substances like arsenic (an additive, BTW, in commercial tobacco), DDT, or methamphetamine.  Moreover, regarding the slippery slope "soft drink/fast food" claim/fear, the profound difference is that--with very few exceptions (exceptions that personal growing and use could accommodate)--there is no such thing as moderate, occasional cigarette consumption.  It's an industry that is entirely premised on addiction.  And that leads to disease and death.  

Not abolishing commercial tobacco is easy (made easier by sixty years of tobacco marketing and its effective linking of smoking and freedom); I think abolition is the creative, courageous, hard, and principled task of the 21st century. 

Christian99

17+ Years Quit 

Those who argue that cigarette smoking is a form of freedom (or that smoking bans restrict freedom) are, unfortunately, arguing in favor of their victimization precisely in the way that the billions of tobacco marketing $$$ have hoped.  And the libertarian argument that the government shouldn't be involved in regulating/prohibiting substances is an interesting one; however, in order to use it in this case, you'd also need to allow, then, that things like methamphetamine and heroin should be decriminalized and readily available as well.  You're comfortable with that?  

Commercial tobacco is a product unlike almost any other:  it is purposefully designed for maximum addictiveness, and normal use of it leads to death.  Hence, extraordinary remedies--e.g,, eliminating the product in a scaled way from the marketplace--are needed.

Christian99

17 Years Quit

I have predicted this for some time, though I thought it would be a country rather than a US state.  The smoking = freedom argument has been one of the most effective and persuasive ones advanced by tobacco companies and their allies, and I am pleased to see a respected entity simply refuse to accept this absurd association.  ultimately, abolition is the solution, and this scaled approach is precisely the way to achieve it.  

Christian99

17 Years Quit 

All I want to (or feel that I can) add at this point is that, in 2001, I "lost" (the more appropriate phrase is "gave up") a quit of about 21 days.  Somehow, I was able to marshal the energy to  begin again.  And seventeen-plus years later, my life has been transformed and literally saved by beginning again.

All the best, and we know you can do it--

Christian99

17+ years quit

Freedom, for me, has been so surprisingly generative.  During my quitting process, I developed skills that continue to help me when I face difficult circumstances, and frankly I never would have predicted that I would continue to reap the (non-physical) benefits so long after I was able to extinguish the associations and cravings related to smoking. 

Christian99

17 Years Quit

That was one of the very first (and quite unexpected) consequences of my quit.  I really had no idea about my grey pallor until I began to see something very different emerging after a week or so into my quit.  It was eye-opening!  If you're like me, it'll be the first of many (ultimately endless) benefits you'll enjoy.

Christian99

17 Years Quit

I'm not sure the distinction matters that much, but I'd argue that your indecision is as much an effect of recovery as a cause of a craving.  I was extraordinarily indecisive and unfocused for quite some time in the early stages of my quit, and it would be wise to anticipate and plan for such symptoms moving forward.  Don't feel like there's anything wrong with the quit if these experiences persist--they're frustrating for sure, but not at all atypical.  Time is your friend in this process.  

Christian99

17 Years Quit

Thanks, friends.  :)

Christian99

17 Years Quit