Kendra

first I limp to the side like my leg was broken shakin and twitchin kinda like I was smokin

too embarrassed by posting and how/who I am to stick around ..... took the challenge and can't face the results/consequences. it is such an adventure in my head. & other parts of the whole.

It seems that I am just waiting to light up. That I have surrendered to the nastiness, slavery and self chosen and delivered hell of smoking. have been in and am in a continued "rock and hard spot" place in my head, life, journey. looking for ways to outwardly be as ugly as I am on the inside. crying....don't want it to be true and yet that is what beliefs are currently. feel as if my strong is all used up. that I never figured out how to BE .. that I chose and choose to harm..... me....slow death via smoking. the things that are incredible (nature, relationships, LIFE) are barely reaching me. I want to give up. smoking will be a huge step toward matching uglies (inside/outside) - judgement noted. was recently challenged - thanks MQ, to quit revisiting posting here. Challenge accepted. posted. lurking - though not laughing as much.....not even at Bakon's posts. .....poor me, poor me, pour me another..... seems self pitying---though the pain is real and the loathing real frommy skewed perspectives. have not bought a pack. still. somewhere inside I must believe differently. maybe. may BE

Autumn leaves and light passing through trees..... AWE at the red carpet the maple made; the bronzes, burgundy and rusts of the oaks, the cheery yellow and creamy yellows of the birch..... homemade kombucha going well, too.

glad you're filled with love and laughter today. people to nourish your heart and soul..... hurray! Celebrate life! and freedom from addiction.....

to what end will beating yourself up and lamenting what is ....do for you? YOU stopped....as Runfree pointed out, that is the most important part of your story. No matter the struggles..... you STOPPED. What did you learn? I ask myself that often, as I find myself in the thick of the results of my choices and actions. stay quit, in hope and possibility, here on the train. nope....

could I at least get some on-hold music? ha ha

so glad you are seeing the life you desire living unfold and that you remain free. What'll you do for the week?

Tried to cuat and paste link to jeol's video..... not tech savvy or even remotely efficient...meh. any way.... you can find the video in the joel video library. 'll Quit When... Why NOW is the best time to quit smoking no matter when NOW is. Related articles: "I will quit when ..." http://ffn.yuku.com/topic/107 Waiting to Bottom Out http://www.ffn.yuku.com/topic/11553 Evelyn, Stay in your seat on the train my friend.

You've got this. NOPE! watch Joel video's and reread threads that remind you why you're doing this!!! NICOMONSTER is awake and breathing down your neck...... arm yourself!!!

nope

Dear Evelyn, i am not disappointed. I am glad you are here. You could've chosen to keep to smoking. Instead you put them down, posted here, and shared your struggle. I am sad for you to have lost your time and glad for you that you are here and gaining more time with every moment. Lonliness..... so sorry you are alone and going through medical concerns. sometimes even when I am with people.....even people I know care for me.....I feel very seperate/lonely..... over whelmed by it at times. lonliness can bring me to me knees...or bed...for days. my cats are about the only thing that reach me, my head, heart and spark of life, in that space. What would truly allow you to feel less lonely? or more connected to people? i am grateful for your support here. Your sharing of your journey. your kind and kick butt words. YOU. I do not pretend to know how it feels for you....though since you turned to cigarette ...., I imagine it was a pretty low feeling space. and I don't pretend to know you, and I, at least a little, have shared your journey so far.... breathe. forgive yourself. post,post,post. breathe some more. You are on the train.

Hi, Nice ta meetcha Tyme. In 30 something years of tobacco slavery I quit 3 times. I am leaving it at that. 3rd times a charm for me. Glad you are sticking on 4. I'm with Ria.....different paths for each of us -yet some similarities for all. nope, in practice if not in pledge. we've got this. I am coming up on three months....longest i have been free from nicotine in a decade. I walk uphill easily now. my nose knows things it hasn't recalled in decades. my hair, clothes, car, breathe and body don't reek of smoke or stale smoke today. I do not plan my time around having cigarettes..... I do not spend one minute wondering how smoking will impact the people around me or influence people's opinion of how I conduct myself in business or volunteer work. thank you, thank you, thank you quit train riders and conductors. Glad you're here Tyme.

I sang on Doowhutchalike, and if ya missed it I'm the one who said just grab 'em in the biscuits

thanks for the acknowledgement and encouragement.

ahhh, yes, catittudes and personalities. fun stuff! We have 3 that walk a mile and a half with us through the forest every day. Maybe you could teach it to run in the rain with you. Just put it in the pouch of a hoodie sweat shirt and goooo! okay maybe not....

false. TPBM gets to enjoy the autumn fall colors tomorrow on actual trees.

I love rain. 2 pairs of puddle stomping boots. sop awesomr to run and play, then go inside and get cozy and warm...if the rain was cold. hope you enjoyed your run!!!!!

Hola Quit Train Peeps, Just wanted to say I am still out here and still smoke free. I have been exceedingly busy over the last few weeks. Have hit a few hard bumps and had come very very close to smoking a few times. Been in the space of f-it , yet still smoke free. not sure how or why....just grateful I haven't lit up. Sooooo MANY YEARS of addiction and a few months of freedom..... mind playing games with me. resisting posting here. grateful to get here and read the support offered to others hitting rough patchs. I can't change the choices I've made. I can choose consciously .... why doI sometimes want to choose to make things worse? How did I learn to treat myself so poorly? Why is it SOOOO ridiculously challenging to learn to love on mySelf? Thanks to all the people here who stand, speak, support,and share.

the quick and the dead in my pants.

Wow, Tracy..what would too gory look like for you? lol very squeamish watching for me!!! I highly recommend ... Firefly, if you haven't watched. only 1 season...kind of a space cowboy thing.... I have a thing for Mal....lead character I recall enjoying...The Riches ...again only 1 season ... gypsy bandit family.... been awhile since I watched it. I love Eddie Izzard doing anything. More recently.... Touch ... only a few seasons I think on this one, too. Keifer Suterhland is a single father of a young boy with incredible precognitive talents and challenges communicating in average people ways.... i only saw half of the first season and it has been on my wish list since then. ...i do not have regular tv or inet access, in case you wonder why the heck I can't watch stuff. :)

...sometimes. when I've been in chains...then experience freedom.... and people I care deeply about are impacted in ways that are...less than comfortable ...I have used their pain as a reason (excuse) ... to continue to harm mySelf.... and then wished desperately rthat I had done something else,....anything else.....other than feed the monster again.... TODAY I have over 2 months free from nicotine. B) I hope your rocky road finds marshmallows and you share the sundae with Alex.

Serenity in my pants The whole nine yards in my pants There's something about mary in my pants.

tired feet Why do small children have more energy at 10pm than the sun?

Welcome. Glad you are creating your new life...FREE from addiction to nicotine. I don't really think one way is better than another to quit....only that you find your way. Useful for me has been to be away from people who smoke for awhile and when I get tired. just quit.... breathe, again, again,..... post, again, again, again..... NOPE, again, again, again