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The history of an addict

Vivianne

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When I was in the shower I started thinking about my history with the cigarette.
And I thought it might be an interesting story to share as so many others have been through the same thing. 

 

I was introduced to the normality of tobacco when I was 4 years old. Every male member of my family was a smoker. My granddad on my dad's side was the king; He smoked every variation there was: cigarettes, pipe, cigars and even prune (of course that last one he did not light up :P) . My mom's dad smoked camels - oddly enough I have smoked that same brand for many many years.
My dad made his own roll-ups, which I as a 4 year old could buy and roll for my dad. He loved that.. and I loved doing it, cause I was good at it. 
For many many years we, as kids, were surrounded by poison and it left an imprint. It was normal, it was your right as a human being, it was your own choice. 

I didn't even think it was cool as a teenager. It was just normal. A way to ease emotions, get through lunch breaks at school, a way to find new friends on the schoolyard. 
In the 90's the " anti-tobacco lobby"  started to grow. We used to call it that because me and my alternative/grungy friends thought we were pushed into the boring bourgeois life and the whole cancer thing was overrated and just a way to scare us. 

At the beginning of the millennium the realization became real and the severity started to show. I didn't cough but the rest of my friends started to show cracks. 
So when I wanted to get pregnant in 2001 I stopped, without any hesitation. There was no doubt in my mind it was bad for a baby, and "it" didn't have that voice yet, so I had to be the voice of reason.
Unfortunately I relapsed when Morrigun was 7 months old.
I didn't feel bad about it. I didn't see the danger.. Now I know that I didn't see myself as a non smoker at that time, but as a smoker that temporarily did not smoke for good reasons. 

And then, there was the internet. Stuff got out, articles got published, facts started to emerge.. and it finally seeped in , slowly but surely - this is bad for me! Really bad! 
Looking back it's no wonder that I started smoking, it was such a normal thing - but I do regret every cig, every puff - and at the same time I do forgive myself for it. 
The only way to get where I want to be, is to "NOPE"  every single day, every single moment - and come to terms with myself as a human being. 



 

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I love this post Vivianne, I was just thinking these same thoughts the other day! Smoking was such a normal thing, even a right of passage. Everybody smoked and you could smoke anywhere and everywhere. My mom would even have us light her cigarettes for her when she was driving 😵

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Vivianne, thanks for sharing your story.  

I grew up in a nonsmoking home.  Smoking to me was just a "Hey look at me, I am an adult".  It should have been "Hey look at me, what an idiot".

I continued to smoke for 42 years.  I even made my husband quit, after the kids were born, because he needed to be healthy to support us.  What a hypocrite I was because I couldn't quit.  I know he wanted me to but never shamed me.  He is thrilled that I have found the strength to quit through this forum.  Now I try not to look back.  I only want to look forward to the time I will, hopefully, recoup. 

I am so glad I can be a part of your journey to freedom.  I look forward to celebrating your many smokeless, days, months and years!!!!!

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I grew up in a smoke free house and in Australia where the anti smoking lobby was about 20 years ahead of elsewhere...when I started smoking it wasn't cool ... Only idiots smoked .... As a teen most public places were already smoke free...but smoking for me was a bit if an FU to my mum but also all the safe places growing up, the grandparents, the aunts and uncles I'd get farmed out to smoked that smell to me was safety...and love. 

Just like you I quit when preggas and didn't stop until I finished feeding...but I knew it was just temporary I had no intention of making it permanent.

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8 hours ago, jillar said:

I love this post Vivianne, I was just thinking these same thoughts the other day! Smoking was such a normal thing, even a right of passage. Everybody smoked and you could smoke anywhere and everywhere. My mom would even have us light her cigarettes for her when she was driving 😵


It's so weird if you think back - and that is also why I feel so cheated when I watch the documentaries. They have known the ugly truth for such a long time ugh

 

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10 hours ago, Linda Thomas said:

Vivianne, thanks for sharing your story.  

I grew up in a nonsmoking home.  Smoking to me was just a "Hey look at me, I am an adult".  It should have been "Hey look at me, what an idiot".

I continued to smoke for 42 years.  I even made my husband quit, after the kids were born, because he needed to be healthy to support us.  What a hypocrite I was because I couldn't quit.  I know he wanted me to but never shamed me.  He is thrilled that I have found the strength to quit through this forum.  Now I try not to look back.  I only want to look forward to the time I will, hopefully, recoup. 

I am so glad I can be a part of your journey to freedom.  I look forward to celebrating your many smokeless, days, months and years!!!!!


Addiction equals hypocritical thoughts and behavior. The human brain is well known for its denial and making right what's clearly wrong (that's why the brain is such an interesting subject) add this to an addiction and you have a great recipe for stupid behavior and thoughts.  
I am really happy to Linda that you are here on this train trip with me! Get ready for the parties!! 

Edited by Vivianne
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3 hours ago, notsmokinjo said:

I grew up in a smoke free house and in Australia where the anti smoking lobby was about 20 years ahead of elsewhere...when I started smoking it wasn't cool ... Only idiots smoked .... As a teen most public places were already smoke free...but smoking for me was a bit if an FU to my mum but also all the safe places growing up, the grandparents, the aunts and uncles I'd get farmed out to smoked that smell to me was safety...and love. 

Just like you I quit when preggas and didn't stop until I finished feeding...but I knew it was just temporary I had no intention of making it permanent.


And how great is it that you are here now!! Making it permanent! Took a while, but hey - we are doing it anyway! FU Big Tobacco! 😛 

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On 11/4/2019 at 11:30 PM, Vivianne said:

FU Big Tobacco! 😛 

 

..and....Up yours self destructive self! 😜

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