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Uphill but following signs



This is my day 3. When I woke up today I felt it would be different -- more challenging -- uphill road, maybe covered in ice. I'm pretty sure "nicodemon" was whispering in my ear. I don't want to feed my anxieties and fears and make more of them than I need to. I have to keep reminding myself of that. I read one of the posts yesterday about how we should make it hard to smoke instead of make it hard to quit. That makes a lot of sense to me...very practical, sensible, logical. I also read a bit about the danger of romancing the cigarette...so don't make it any more than what it is: a habit I am giving up to save my life from some hellish diseases that result from smoking. That reminds me. On Day 1, I saw this commercial that I guess Phillip Morris, RJ Reynolds and tobacco companies must air. It came on twice during the show i was watching and basically was just narrated words and said something like, we put nicotine in cigarettes to make you addicted and keep you buying and the plain truth is that cigarettes kill people...it was longer and more detailed than that but I've not seen it before, saw it twice on Monday night, and not seen it since. I figured it was a sign of encouragement meant just for me. :-)


Day 2 wasn't too bad. A lot of the same triggers and some new but obvious ones to catch me by surprise...leaving the house and wanting to go get my smokes before i went out the door, getting in the car, which smells a lot like smoke. Add that to the list - clean the car out this weekend. Those damn sliding glass doors that catch me almost every time I walk past. I smoked on the deck; it has been my sanctuary. I actually took a snack (nuts and dried berries) went outside, sat in my chair, and ate my snack. My husband came out and said you shouldn't be out here! I said I love it out here and I need to attempt to redefine my space. Special thanks to Beazel's blog post for that idea.


Benefits - I was trying to decide whether to wash a sweater I wore yesterday - yes i sniffed it - and it smelled fresh like shower gel. That made me kind of happy. Also, I didn't have to run back in the house to get my smokes. 


I've told my children, my sister, and my Facebook friends that I haven't had a cigarette since Sunday night at 11pm. I'm accountable and my honor is at stake now. 


This time tomorrow? The nicotine will be gone from my system. That's something to look forward to.  


So today? Today I feel weakened, drained. But I'm going to work on NOT romancing the cigarette. I'm going to try and acknowledge my anxiety as a normal part of this process of giving up a destructive habit. I'm going to try to not dwell on the anxiety, the urge to smoke. I'll pace, take a break, meditate, take a nap, jump up and down, sing really bad and really loud, deep breathe, or do anything when the urges and smoking thoughts start to get to me. The urge to smoke will pass whether I smoke or not and I'll choose not to smoke right now.


I'm going to follow the signs and put on metaphorical ice cleats or whatever you wear to walk on ice--quit train, why quit, etc.--and slug my way up the hill today. 



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You are stronger than your urge to smoke.

Always stronger.

Soon nicotine will be gone and quantum leaps of healing can begin.

Heaps of encouragement for you. 

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Brilliant attitude Rose.


These early stages are tough, but isn't it great that sweater didn't stink!


You're doing great.

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I love reading these early quit blog posts because it reminds me so much of what my own early days were like so thanks you Rose :) I only wish I had done my own day by day blog. A couple of things that caught my attention in your post ..... I agree that you should go to your places where you used to enjoy smoking. If you go there knowing it will be a challenge you want to overcome then you will be successful 100% of the time. It's soooo important as a step in rewiring your brain to be able to just sit out there and really enjoy yourself again without a smoke.  You've taken a huge step toward that now.


The other thing you said was that "you'll choose not to smoke right now." That's right Rose! Smoking is a choice that we make. No one is forced to smoke. The power to choose is all ours.

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Hey Rose,

You might appreciate these vids about the journey.

Pardon me if you've seen them before.




and a beautiful little short 


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Sazerac - I loved both of those and needed them. I kept saying to the bird in the second video — stop it asshat just don’t do it  jump over it — I said it out loud very seriously wanting him not to be so stupid. Loved it. Thank you. ❤️

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