I really respect those who can just move forward. I admire the head up, chest out approach, I am quite a proud person and trying to keep the peace and accept this has taken a toll on me.

 

I just struggle with the obligation side of it, for me, not for what anyone else says. My nature is to look after people. So I need to get my head around it and adjust better then...there...done...I would just never live with myself. I wish I had of not felt guilty all those years ago though. I don't regret a thing but my first marriage was a minefield at times trying to calm two opposing battalions and I do wonder sometimes how it would of been. But now I have Chris, and I really don't want anything but him and his twatishness to jeopardise things lol.

Marti... So sorry to read this thread Hun.

 

I don't have advise as I have no clues on rights and issues like this so that's good that you have an appointment booked on the 30th mate, at least you'll have a better idea of what's what.

 

Hopefully once you have had your appointment you will feel much better about your next move.

 

Please listen and trust me on this... My dad is an extremely difficult man (sounds like Sarges MIL) he was part of the reason my first marriage went south. I moved away to be will Lee and it was the best thing I ever did Marti. Please don't get me wrong he was furious that I moved away, and made a new life...livid! He didn't even meet Lee for the first 5 years and only started a twice yearly visit when the girls came along.

 

I felt terrible that I left for a while Marti, felt guilty in a way even though I know I shouldn't and it's my life to live. He got over it eventually Marti, he had no choice really. So if you are worrying about living with the guilt you think you might feel please do not let that stop you making your life better. You are likely the type that will feel uneasy, it passes...it honestly does I swear to you Marti. So do not let the worry of how you might feel stop you changing your life to be more happy for you...think long term term Marti xxx

Hey Marti

 

Legal bits and pieces apart, it will always be heart wrenching and gut wrenching.

 

Ultimately, if Mumsy is not capable of living with you and your family, then there is no obligation on you to bear the responsibility entirely and completely. Frankly, you also do not have the sole right to make a call. I know that you want to protect your sisters, but ALL of you need to make a decision together. I'm afraid that the lassies need to stand up and be counted.

 

You know that I am pondering how I might be able to best support my ailing Mum going forward, and I can completely identify with the thought that we only get one Mum etc but the fact is, your girls have to come first.

 

Marti, sending lots of love and prayers your way.

The deeper the hole in the back yard, the less guilt you will feel over critters digging her up.

... sounds like Sarges MIL

Just to be clear - that's "Sarge's *M* ".

 

 

 

Easy Peasy

Sorry Sarge, I wrote MIL so often yesterday I can only assume I was automatic pilot.

Oh Marti! I just read this thread and I am so sorry, I had no idea things were as bad as they are. I don't have any advice  other than you need to take care of yourself and your family at all costs! You say your kids don't aren't aware of how abusive your mother is but I tell you what they are aware of, the stressed out energy their mother is putting out there. I have a difficult mother too (not nearly as abusive as yours though...mine is a bit more subtle with her meanness) so I somewhat know how hard it is to live in such a negative environment. It's amazing that you are able to hold on to your quit as well as you are...what an inspiration! 

I hate that you are having to go through this Marti. Try to stay positive and don't let her bitterness turn you into a bitter mom. Sending positive vibes your way. Smile :)