August 24, 201412 yr Hey everyone: So I found a video today that kind of reminded me of my current situation. Me and Steve moved into our apartment about a year and a half ago without any roommates. A couple of months ago, my friend expressed to me all these issues she's having with her mom and how she can't save up because her mom takes all of her money. Well, because I'm a sucker, we [mostly me] let her and her boyfriend move into our spare bedroom. Originally, they were only supposed to stay here until the beginning of September, but they haven't saved up any money to move out, so we're probably looking for them to move closer to the end of October. They are decently nice people, but we are starting to get a bit annoyed with them. I don't want to say anything because I don't want to come off as being mean or passive aggressive. They've been with us for two months and they've done dishes... once. Her boyfriend actually walked into the kitchen the other night while I was washing my own dishes and put his dirties in the sink and walked away. I get very anxious when my apartment isn't clean, so this is driving me nuts. With my exams, I haven't had any time to do a big clean and I'm planning on spending the next two days cleaning. We also haven't gotten a lot of rent from them. About $300 in two months. They've helped a bit with groceries [which is nice], but we're starting to struggle because we're spending a lot of money on them. We buy the bathroom essentials, we buy a lot of groceries, we put money on the laundry card all the time. She had to renew her license the other day and asked me if I'd come with her. Her bank account was frozen, so I gave her my credit card and she owes me $80, plus $300 for a blown tire. Anyway, here's the video. I thought it was hilarious. Sorry for my rant!
August 24, 201412 yr Oh no Leanna, I'm really sorry to be the bearer of bad news here but... This does not sound like it will get better, unless you put your foot down... I've got horror stories from living with friends, and I would never, ever recommend it to anyone. The last time I lived with a 'supposed' friend, it ended in a punch-up, and legal action lol... You need to lay down rules, and you need to tell them that they have to pay their way... You should absolutely not be out of pocket for doing them a favour, and they should not be taking advantage of you like this... And I would suggest that you and Steve have a chat and you give them a date that they need to move out by (otherwise, they might never leave (seriously)). It probably wouldn't have been as bad if it was just your friend, and not her boyfriend too... I tell you this at a time when my parents are staying with me for a month... And it's so stressful!!
August 25, 201412 yr Author Oh no Leanna, I'm really sorry to be the bearer of bad news here but... This does not sound like it will get better, unless you put your foot down... I've got horror stories from living with friends, and I would never, ever recommend it to anyone. The last time I lived with a 'supposed' friend, it ended in a punch-up, and legal action lol... You need to lay down rules, and you need to tell them that they have to pay their way... You should absolutely not be out of pocket for doing them a favour, and they should not be taking advantage of you like this... And I would suggest that you and Steve have a chat and you give them a date that they need to move out by (otherwise, they might never leave (seriously)). It probably wouldn't have been as bad if it was just your friend, and not her boyfriend too... I tell you this at a time when my parents are staying with me for a month... And it's so stressful!! I hear you Ross. I've lived with roommates before. Family too. Scarily enough, family is generally worse, but living with friends can be terrible as well. When I was 23, I lived with my aunt for a few months. She told me I couldn't "bring any boys over" or have my best friend in my room because she might steal from them. Total whackadoodle. I don't know why I ever offered them our spare. I just felt really bad that she was always depressed and basically had nowhere to go. But you're probably right. If it were just her, the situation would probably be different. Steve is pretty upset at me for convincing him to let them move in. He told me it was a bad idea. So he wants me to talk to them and I'm struggling to find the words. I think I'm going to have to come up with something though.
August 25, 201412 yr That is not good if it causes stress with you and Steve either... The thing is - her bank account is frozen - I suppose that means that she has money problems? And she already owes you $380... Will she really have enough money by the end of October to move out? Maybe you can tell her that, if by the end of October (or whenever) she still doesn't have the money to move out, she will have to go back and live with her mum - no ifs, buts of maybes. And in the meantime, they need to contribute around the house... That is entirely reasonable, and you have tried your hardest to help her (even if she isn't helping herself). The last place I rented with a 'friend', I used to pay half the rent and bills onto his account each month, something like £800 a month. Then, one day, he told me he was moving out... The next day he was gone, and then I started getting eviction notices and court summons because none if the bills or rent had been paid in 6 months... Apparently he had used my money to put towards a deposit on a new house, and had been hiding all they paid notices.... As you can imagine, I wasn't particularly happy that he'd stolen almost £5000 from me to buy himself a house, and I was about to be made homeless... He even had the cheek to let himself in to check for mail (because he still had a key)... Well, that was until I caught the little shit... Some people are unbelievable... Lol You need to do what is important for you and Steve, and if she really is your friend, then she will understand when you speak to her. You are a good person and I would hate for someone to take advantage of you... Hugs
August 25, 201412 yr Author Oh my God Ross, I would have lost my shit on your "friend"! I can't believe he funded his new place with the money you gave him for rent and bills. That's insane. You're right... some people are unbelievable. I'm going to do what you suggested and just talk to her. I'll even mention that winter is coming and she'll want to move before the snow hits. I know that was one of her worries. I would hope she's not intentionally taking advantage of me, so I will let her stay here until the end of October at the latest. Steve and I have a really strong relationship, so I'm not too worried about that. I do want to make sure he's happy and comfortable though, so a talk is definitely needed. When I first met Steve, I was living with my cousin. She was a total bitch to Steve. We couldn't even sit down at the kitchen table if she was there... she told us we were too much "distraction." She also told my mom he was gay before my mom met him and she's STILL telling people he's gay. She really put him through so much crap and he still stayed with me. I hope he never has to go through that again, but I think that's why he's very wary of roommates. Hugs.
August 25, 201412 yr Leanna, Ross is right-- both your friend and her boyfriend are "takers" and they are not going to change. And you can kiss your $380 good bye-- you are never going to see that again. Sit down with your friend (Steve should be there with you). Tell your friend that you are so glad that you could help her out for a couple of months. However, you're sure that she will understand that you and Steve are a couple and that you need your privacy. She needs to find some other living situation by X date (I suggest 2 weeks. End of September at the LATEST.) If you really can't do it, Steve should do the talking while you are there. When your deadline arrives, CHANGE THE LOCKS (she might have made copies of your keys). If she still has stuff in your apartment, box it up and put it in a storage facility for 30 days (you pay-- if she wants her stuff she has to pay for the storage.) Do not argue with her about anything. Stay calm, tell her how its going to be, and do not get sucked into a discussion or try to justify yourself to her. Any discussion will just be her trying to get you to back down and let her stay. You have to understand that people like this have absolutely no pride and no conscience-- they walk all over anybody they can walk over and then laugh at the "doormats" behind their backs for being suckers. It's going to cost you money you can ill afford to get these deadbeats out of your life. The longer you put it off the more its going to cost you. Consider it money well spent for a valuable life lesson.
August 25, 201412 yr Author Hey Chrys: Yeah, I'll definitely talk to her. I'm going to try to convince Steve to talk to her with me. He has no problem telling people what he wants. I, on the other hand, would probably give in. I'm terrible at these kinds of things. That's why Steve calls me a "carpet" because I let people walk all over me. If she's a friend, she'll understand. I don't want to think of her as a bad person just yet. I'm going to mention the $380 and hope she pays me back... I'm a student and Steve's the one working and providing for both of us, so $380 is a lot of money for a couple on one income. I told her about my dentist appointment and how I didn't know how I was going to afford $2000. She told me Steve will pay for it. He makes okay pay, but we don't just have $2000 laying around. For a two-bedroom apartment, we are paying $1134 a month in rent alone.
August 25, 201412 yr Leanna, you're a sweet kid but you need to accept the fact that friendship, like love, must be reciprocated to be real. This friendship is a one-way street-- you are being a friend to her but she is not being a friend to you. Even if she and her boyfriend don't have much money they could pay you SOMETHING towards rent. They could buy their own food. At the very least, they could keep the place clean. Do not kid yourself that they are your friends. They are not. They are using you.
August 25, 201412 yr Author Chrys, I understand what you're saying and I'm not denying that. They are putting money towards groceries and have given rent, but have not paid us back for certain things and we were expecting them to pay a little rent or at least pay us back for the tire in the middle of the month and we saw absolutely no money from them. I think she's still giving her mom money... I know she bought her dad a bunch of groceries recently. I don't think she's intentionally trying to be a bad person, but she gives her parents money before she gives us money, even though we're the ones that are currently housing her. I will say that the not cleaning thing is REALLY bothering me. I can't live in a mess.
August 25, 201412 yr I just read the OP and felt the need to say that you need to tell them that things need to change really quickly or they need to bump their move out date to right f*cking now. Taking advantage of a friends kindness is not cool, especially when those friends have a wedding coming up and their own lives to provide for... sorry that I am being blunt... I've had a hell of a week.
August 25, 201412 yr Author I just read the OP and felt the need to say that you need to tell them that things need to change really quickly or they need to bump their move out date to right f*cking now. Taking advantage of a friends kindness is not cool, especially when those friends have a wedding coming up and their own lives to provide for... sorry that I am being blunt... I've had a hell of a week. It's okay. I have been having a terrible week as well. But I will talk to her [at least attempt to] and will keep you guys updated.
August 25, 201412 yr Aww sweetie... It's hard when it's your friends...but you must come first....It annoys me when I see good folks getting a raw deal... Ross is right....give them a ultimatum......
August 25, 201412 yr That is not good if it causes stress with you and Steve either... The thing is - her bank account is frozen - I suppose that means that she has money problems? And she already owes you $380... Will she really have enough money by the end of October to move out? Maybe you can tell her that, if by the end of October (or whenever) she still doesn't have the money to move out, she will have to go back and live with her mum - no ifs, buts of maybes. And in the meantime, they need to contribute around the house... That is entirely reasonable, and you have tried your hardest to help her (even if she isn't helping herself). The last place I rented with a 'friend', I used to pay half the rent and bills onto his account each month, something like £800 a month. Then, one day, he told me he was moving out... The next day he was gone, and then I started getting eviction notices and court summons because none if the bills or rent had been paid in 6 months... Apparently he had used my money to put towards a deposit on a new house, and had been hiding all they paid notices.... As you can imagine, I wasn't particularly happy that he'd stolen almost £5000 from me to buy himself a house, and I was about to be made homeless... He even had the cheek to let himself in to check for mail (because he still had a key)... Well, that was until I caught the little shit... Some people are unbelievable... Lol You need to do what is important for you and Steve, and if she really is your friend, then she will understand when you speak to her. You are a good person and I would hate for someone to take advantage of you... Hugs Good grief Ross,That was awful.....to do that to anyone is so low,but to a friend..... I don't know how some folk ,live with themselves....beats me..... I hope you gave him a new nose Xxxx
August 25, 201412 yr Leanna they will not change i swear, they are taking the piss out of you, they need to move out, ask steve to tell them. If they continue to stay with you, they will be like the pefect room mates(if you speak to them about all the issues) but I promise a couple of weeks later they will be back to their same old selfish ways. Leanna life is too short to add additional crap and stress to it, who cares if they fall out with you, they weren't real friends if they do, any decent friend would apologise for their behaviour and move out without any problems. You will regret it if you continue to let them stay. Look after yourself first for once, that spare room would be great for your lil brother to come over and stay for the night, once every month or two. Kick them out xxx
August 25, 201412 yr Author Leanna they will not change i swear, they are taking the piss out of you, they need to move out, ask steve to tell them. If they continue to stay with you, they will be like the pefect room mates(if you speak to them about all the issues) but I promise a couple of weeks later they will be back to their same old selfish ways. Leanna life is too short to add additional crap and stress to it, who cares if they fall out with you, they weren't real friends if they do, any decent friend would apologise for their behaviour and move out without any problems. You will regret it if you continue to let them stay. Look after yourself first for once, that spare room would be great for your lil brother to come over and stay for the night, once every month or two. Kick them out xxx Sue, that's exactly what we were doing with the spare before they moved in. My little brother would come stay for a week or two at a time. Now he can't come over because there's too many of us here and there's really no room for another person. It sucks because I have such a good time when he comes visit.
August 25, 201412 yr Author Aww sweetie... It's hard when it's your friends...but you must come first....It annoys me when I see good folks getting a raw deal... Ross is right....give them a ultimatum...... Yeah, I will be for sure. I'm going to talk to her this week. Steve and I were talking about how we can't even have a "date night" because there are always people here. We really like our privacy, so it's been hard for us.
August 25, 201412 yr Leanna I will try and be nice about this, there are givers and takers in this world which is ok as its a balance if life but when people step over the line its time for the givers to make a stand You have nothing to feel bad or guilty about!! Full stop. When you speak to your room mates do not ***** foot around them, I know it might take you out of your comfort zone and of course they will sulk as their cushy life is about to get real but tough titties You and steve need to think of yourselves now and if they are real friends they will understand if not then good riddens to sponging gits lol im still trying to be nice :) Lay down the law what you and steve seem fair and if they dont conform then kick there sorry asses out asap you dont need that stress ontop of everything else There aunty tracey has said her bit :) good luck hun xx
August 25, 201412 yr Sue, that's exactly what we were doing with the spare before they moved in. My little brother would come stay for a week or two at a time. Now he can't come over because there's too many of us here and there's really no room for another person. It sucks because I have such a good time when he comes visit. Just another reason then - I bet your LB loved coming to visit, and it sounds like he really looks up to you... In real life I'm one if these 'givers' and sometimes people try to take advantage... Sometimes we just have to stand up for ourselves, even if we feel awkward doing it (I must remember to listen to my own advice, lol) Hugs
August 25, 201412 yr Author Leanna I will try and be nice about this, there are givers and takers in this world which is ok as its a balance if life but when people step over the line its time for the givers to make a stand You have nothing to feel bad or guilty about!! Full stop. When you speak to your room mates do not ***** foot around them, I know it might take you out of your comfort zone and of course they will sulk as their cushy life is about to get real but tough titties You and steve need to think of yourselves now and if they are real friends they will understand if not then good riddens to sponging gits lol im still trying to be nice :) Lay down the law what you and steve seem fair and if they dont conform then kick there sorry asses out asap you dont need that stress ontop of everything else There aunty tracey has said her bit :) good luck hun xx Lol, Tracey, I know what you mean. From January until the end of May, I let my cousin back in my life (the one who was rude to Steve, saying he was gay). In January, one of my old co-workers offered to take me to my aunt's (my cousin's mom), so I asked him if I could invite my cousin along so she could see her mom. My cousin has been married to a woman for the last 10 years, but apparently, she turned straight for my co-worker and they started dating. She started hanging out at my place a lot... they'd come over, not bring any food but eat ours, they'd drink our alcohol. A few months later, they're engaged! Stupid me asked her to be a bridesmaid back in January because I thought she had changed and was a better person. I did not approve of their engagement, but never said anything -- it's not my life and they're adults, so I kept my mouth shut. Every time I'd try to talk about my wedding, she'd interrupt me and start talking about their plans. She accused me of not being supportive because I was sick and couldn't make it to her bridal appointment. I had an appointment at a boutique for my bridesmaids to try on dresses. After the appointment was done, her "fiance" showed up and they started making out in the parking lot of the boutique. I expressed my feelings at the end of May, saying I wasn't sure if I wanted her in my wedding. She flipped out, told me I was a hypocrite and was never happy for anyone, and said that I just "take take take" and never give. It's a good thing Steve wasn't around for this. He hates her so much. She put him through hell and back, but he was keeping his mouth shut because she's family and I was trying to have a relationship with her. Just another reason then - I bet your LB loved coming to visit, and it sounds like he really looks up to you... In real life I'm one if these 'givers' and sometimes people try to take advantage... Sometimes we just have to stand up for ourselves, even if we feel awkward doing it (I must remember to listen to my own advice, lol) Hugs I'm a giver too... that's why my cousin's words really upset me. I think she was just talking about herself though! I never go out of my way to ever intentionally hurt someone and she does. I really don't understand how some people sleep at night.
August 25, 201412 yr Lol, Tracey, I know what you mean. From January until the end of May, I let my cousin back in my life (the one who was rude to Steve, saying he was gay). In January, one of my old co-workers offered to take me to my aunt's (my cousin's mom), so I asked him if I could invite my cousin along so she could see her mom. My cousin has been married to a woman for the last 10 years, but apparently, she turned straight for my co-worker and they started dating. She started hanging out at my place a lot... they'd come over, not bring any food but eat ours, they'd drink our alcohol. A few months later, they're engaged! Stupid me asked her to be a bridesmaid back in January because I thought she had changed and was a better person. I did not approve of their engagement, but never said anything -- it's not my life and they're adults, so I kept my mouth shut. Every time I'd try to talk about my wedding, she'd interrupt me and start talking about their plans. She accused me of not being supportive because I was sick and couldn't make it to her bridal appointment. I had an appointment at a boutique for my bridesmaids to try on dresses. After the appointment was done, her "fiance" showed up and they started making out in the parking lot of the boutique. I expressed my feelings at the end of May, saying I wasn't sure if I wanted her in my wedding. She flipped out, told me I was a hypocrite and was never happy for anyone, and said that I just "take take take" and never give. It's a good thing Steve wasn't around for this. He hates her so much. She put him through hell and back, but he was keeping his mouth shut because she's family and I was trying to have a relationship with her. I'm a giver too... that's why my cousin's words really upset me. I think she was just talking about herself though! I never go out of my way to ever intentionally hurt someone and she does. I really don't understand how some people sleep at night. Leanna... You should ditch your cousin also - she sounds really, really mean :( I know people like this, and they are all 'me, me, me', lol
August 25, 201412 yr Author Leanna... You should ditch your cousin also - she sounds really, really mean :( I know people like this, and they are all 'me, me, me', lol Oh I did! She's no longer apart of my life! I have her, her boy toy, and all of her friends blocked on Facebook so they can't keep an eye on me. I was so mad when she said that to me, I was shaking. I think I responded back with something like: "Oh, poor you. You are always the ******* victim. You haven't changed and you never will." Then I ripped into her and told her she was a shitty friend and maybe if she was nicer to people, we'd be more supportive and encouraging.
August 25, 201412 yr Oh I did! She's no longer apart of my life! I have her, her boy toy, and all of her friends blocked on Facebook so they can't keep an eye on me. I was so mad when she said that to me, I was shaking. I think I responded back with something like: "Oh, poor you. You are always the ******* victim. You haven't changed and you never will." Then I ripped into her and told her she was a shitty friend and maybe if she was nicer to people, we'd be more supportive and encouraging. Good for you Leanna - positivity breeds positivity, so surrounding yourself with nice people makes life so much easier and nicer :) (((Leanna)))
August 25, 201412 yr Author Good for you Leanna - positivity breeds positivity, so surrounding yourself with nice people makes life so much easier and nicer :) (((Leanna))) Agreed Ross. If my mom was around, she'd be yelling at me to grow a backbone. She's like Steve -- they tel it like it is. If they don't like you, you know! I wish I had inherited that. I should have said something to my cousin years ago. Steve seems much happier without her in our lives and I know I am.
August 25, 201412 yr Leanna, Listen to the others, do not let them step all over you life is too damn short for that crap. If they are real friends they will understand and move peacefully if not well then you are not out anything really because you dont need the added stress anyway. True colors and all that. Hugs and strength to you.
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