Depression
By Solo,
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Solo
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How am I going to get through this. When is the day gonna come that I don't obsess over a cigarette? Am I destined to be miserable? To never feel happy? I know people say that I will be happy again but I don't feel that way. I have been quit for 2 1/2 months now. I still find it hard to concentrate. It's not going to happen for me. My joy is gone. Cigarettes have ruined my life. I pray for true happiness. I wish I could be an inspiration instead of this pathetic woe is me person. I know I should be grateful. I should be free. But I'm still a slave. Why? Is there something wrong with me? Is my brain wired wrong?if all this isn't enough, I beat myself up for having a negative attitude. I'm still committed. NOPE. Prayers for better days.
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Jan. 14th 2019. That's the day I quit smoking. I don't know why I chose that day. I think that day chose me.
I was smoking on the upside of 3 packs of cigarettes a day. I coughed all the time. Was wheezing when I laid down. I knew it killing me slowly but surely.......soooo I devised a plan to quit the stanky things.
First. I took chantix for 10 days. I continued to smoke but cut down drastically. If I remember correctly, I only smoked 3 cigs the last day that I smoked. I ordered a case of sugar free candy and made sure that I was off work the 1st 4 days of my quit. I decided to stay in bed and watch back to back episodes of Dalton Abby. I will never forget those 1st few weeks. That was the most horrible experience. I didn't sleep for the 1st 10 days. I cried ever every day for the first 7 weeks. Absolutely miserable. I should mention that I discontinued the chantix the day I quit the cigs. I had tried chantix before. It helps you quit but also increases anxiety, which is the last thing I need!
I've been quit for 21/2 months now. Still think about smoking all the time. The cravings are not nearly as bad but I still have them. The worst ones come if I drink alcohol, after I eat, if I go to a casino. ...which I've done a couple of times. My main trigger is eating though. And that's something you can't live without soooo I'm learning how to deal with that. Usually I jump on cleaning the kitchen right away and then maybe eat sugar free candy. A word to the wise about that sugar free candy though. It will mess you up!! I have never had such bad gas in all my life! Take in moderation!
Just got home from our 1st cruise. It was ok. I'm still struggling with my quit so it was difficult at some points. I spent a lot of time with my husband in the smoking section because he's still smoking. I can't even tell you how many times I almost did it!! But I didnt. I made it!! And I'm glad.
Tonight I go to bed smoke free. I'm happy.
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