Sparkles

Hmmm, you're probably right. Why did I start again? Because it just seemed to ease the emotional pain I was going through. I hated myself and figured what's the point. I wanted to punish myself It was something to do when I had nobody to talk to I figured it was probably no point giving up because the damage was probably already done and would probably die young anyway. I guess those are the main things that went through my head. Pumpkin xx

Hello Sazerac, or rather Bonjour! Thanks for the welcome (back). Who knows why I returned to smoking....I could give you a ton of excuses but I guess there's no point. Sadly I had to give up my donkeys and my last home after my separation. I finally sold my house in September, and moved here to my new one. I'm finding life quite tough at the moment - being single after twenty years is a bit weird and loneliness is a big problem, but I am getting stronger bit by bit. Anyway, thanks again for the welcome. Pumpkin xx

Hello. This isn't the first time I've been here. Don't know if any of the people I used to talk to are still around, but I hope so, because I'd like to catch up and apologise for being such a failure in the past. So, I just decided to quit about 30 minutes ago. I have ripped up my last cigarettes and put them in the bin. I don't want to do this anymore because it is making me an anxious mess (well more anxious than normal). Anyway, here I am. I look forward to getting to know you all. Pumpkin xx

So I am less than two hours away from being 6 days into this quit. In some ways it feels so insignificant when I think how long a quit I gave up last time, but hey ho, must carry on regardless. Am finding this time a little harder because my life is such a bloody mess at the moment. But I'm doing my best to keep busy, I even cooked myself a healthy dinner tonight to make up for my awful day yesterday (although i did have a huge bar of chocolate earlier!). I also went to the animal refuge again. This is a picture of me and a beauceron called Jude. He's only four years old and nearly blind. He has a genetic disease which means he will totally lose his sight eventually. Sad thing is he has come in with his son and four daughters......they too are nearly blind. But my, what beautiful souls they have. It bought tears to my eyes spending some time with them. I know this is not smoking related per se, but it helps me to focus on something else.

My darlings Sparky (ginger) Pumpkin (black) Bobby (tabby)

No whispers, but now you've given me ideas

I've come to bed with a cuppa Doreen, safer when I'm further away from the kitchen.

Is two cheeseburgers, a chicken and bacon sandwich, two ham and cheese toasties, a hunk of cheese, half a glass of wine and a gin and tonic going a bit overboard on the old diet front? Good job I don't have any chocolate.

Well as far as I know Linsie doesn't smoke!

Slept a little better last night. Today was my volunteer afternoon at the animal refuge. Animals always put things into perspective.

So I took a lunch break, went for a walk by the river, and popped in to see a friend. Hope you like a picture.

Thanks Doreen I may also force myself to go for a very short walk by the river. Hell, I may even do some yoga this evening before bed. ?

Thank you all. Its nice to have you all here. I'm sitting here at my PC trying to translate this document (about a campsite!) and my eyes are just wanting to close. I also keep getting a bit lightheaded. I also remember this from the last time. I have always been anti-nap in the daytime, but am thinking it might be good for me today. Then again, maybe I should tough it out. Stupid thing is I am tired when I go to bed, then as soon as the light goes out, my legs get restless and then I can't sleep, so then I get anxious, then I cry, and then I just get more and more frustrated. Aaaaghhh!

So here I am, entering day three. Doing ok, only problem is insomnia, which I know is common. Hadn't been sleeping great as it was, so add quitting smoking to the equation and it's a nightmare. Think I had about three hours last night, and four the night before. It's really getting me down. I'm not drinking more caffeine than usual (i drink decaf anyway) nor am I eating loads of sugar. I know it will pass eventually but with everything else going on I need my sleep. Am even debating going to see my doctor . Anyway, just wanted to have a good moan and feel sorry for myself. xxx

Good evening. I'm doing well, I wanted to wait until I'd reached 24 hours before posting! I've been keeping myself busy outside gardening, I've got a lot done today. I have someone coming to view my house on Saturday so need it to look tidy. I then sat outside with two eight year old girls who are staying in one of my holiday cottages, and we sat deseeding sunflower heads for the birds. I now feel very tired, but in a nice way. Thanks

Thanks buddy. Sorry you had to fire me last time!

I'm ashamed to say I found it relatively pain free. This may sound stupid but I feel I often smoke to sabotage myself. When I like myself and my life I can do anything, but the moment it goes wrong it's almost like I stick two fingers up at myself and want to punish myself. The first three days I always find hard, but after that I'm usually ok. But my life is very different now and I know it's going to be tough this time.

Thank you both. This isn't my first time here, I had a near year long quit but then my life was turned upside down. No excuse I know, shit happens. And I am still in a very bad place emotionally but smoking is contributing to my out of control health anxiety. Plus I want to be healthier, and I can't afford it any more. I hope I don't let myself down again.

So here I am again. I have just had my last puff I hope. I am not in a very good place personally right now, so am worried I am just going to let you all down as I am not currently very strong. But I want to do this, so hope somehow I find the courage.

thank you Whispers xx

just sitting drinking tea! And watching crap tv!

No, I don't feel good smoking, and I will stop again. All I can focus on at the moment is getting up in the morning and trying to carry on - that is hard enough. I hope you understand. Thanks for your support xxx

I had nearly reached my one year anniversary, and I am ashamed to say I failed. My life has been turned upside down by my partner of 18 years suddenly announcing he didn't love me anymore. I currently feel like I am drowning and currently can't see a way out. I will quit again, but right now I would just like some support, not lectures on my health. I don't know why I'm posting this really, its just the more I say things out loud, or write things out, the easier it becomes. I live in France, and while I have some friends, I live in an isolated location with no neighbours, which is very hard. So I am turning to the virtual world just to get me through this tough time. I know this is a quit forum, and I will quit again, and I will let you all know when that is, because I will need you. Thanks for listening, and I hope maybe I can support other people in their quest to quit, and stay quit.

congratulations!!

Indeed it is snow. It didn't lat long though! But me and the ginger one enjoyed it all the same.....