Still winning

This has been a tough week. It's tuesday! That probably says a lot. And my weird will be in this blog, if it offends please see "ra ra" type posts in the main arena! I don't understand why I think of smoking when things become tricky. Although it has been my "go to" for my whole adult life, I started to smoke at 13. I had my first at age 9 - the age my oldest daughter is now!! She's a baby!! I can't believe no one noticed me, and yet if you met those I "care for" you'd understand the self obsession that meant they missed any potential signs for me. I must remember now I think to ensure I am seperate, and really try not to let these people invade my "better place" space. Today I faced down for the first time people judging those who are spiritual. Apparently we are all flower power hippies with no life plan lol. Wow! At the "what do you do" question I squared my shoulders and said I'm a hippy...in leggins...who channels stuff like healing...I think your nurse training is awesome...I just signed up to reiki cancer patients for an hour a week and help them through a gift I was given...and I wear crystals and heal with them cause I'm moved to do that. I just want to make lives better and I love that I'm given that opportunity all the time! Cue tumbleweed!! I wish I was that spiritual person who didn't think, wow, you're a bit of a twat aren't you and really did wear loose fitting clothing cause that would of been handy with the extra quit weight I claimed via peanuts!! And then I really started to think later. There was a time, almost months ago that I would have said nothing! I wouldn't have defended myself and my life choices even though I considered myself a really strong woman. It reminded me what my quit has given me in the self worth camp and despite a bitchin couple of days I am happier in myself now then I have ever been. I can attribute a great part of that to here and a freedom to just "be me unjudged" and a strength in fighting addiction and being victorious. Yes, I "just know" I am done. I won't consider smoking anymore, SNOT, no longer an option! I can't heal if I stink, end of story. But jeez, I wonder why the thoughts still come and if they will ever end although I offer up eternal gratitude at the fleeting nature compared to the early quit thoughts which were so intense they owned me! I read of symptoms of the quit, so many I wasn't sure they were even all quit related until now really, wow, I abused my poor body in an epic manner!! So for me. For all behind and in front of me. I know now. Smoking really never fixed a thing. I will help whomever I can and I will be greatful for a place that accepted me for who I was, warts an all. (really no warts, cross fingers and all that). Forgive the inane ramblings but it is my blog and it helps to write all the crazy down sometimes! And not smoke, that helped me too. Wednesday will be better is all. Loves to all.

First off and as it should be - Massive congrats to your 1st year of smobriety. Good work on getting through all the hurdles and knowing you picked the right path so staying strong. I often hear you refer to tough times, I am unsure of those but congrats also, on getting through some potential triggers. On a personal note, thank you for here. I would not have lasted at voldemort place, it was too much. I don't think my quit would have lasted without support. Some people are destined to create something that can change the world, the way to change the world is simply one person at a time and this place does that. I know you are proud, rightly so! Thanks for all you are and all you do for others! x

Thanks for leading the charge chick, appreciate seeing you about from time to time. Massive congrats on 7 and here's to the next celebrations together, cheers!! x

Looking fiiinnnneee :) Haha

nope.

Aww sorry frez, hate when birthdays go wrong. Poor you Tracey, can rez ask around his buddies to see a decent salon the wags use? fcuk - gotta stay on topic right

here

Where ya been man, all done and won :) you snooze you lose!!

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How strange I was just thinking of you today! Anway, sometimes it's just treacle bad isn't it. For itching, try aloe cream, aloe seems to take the sting out of an itch and make it more bearable. Also don't forget a good old antihistamine can help too. Feels pony but it will settle down and if you're looking for the positive - try thinking I am healing from the inside out - helped me - or just tell me to treacle off and I shall take it well :) For the not pooping, go to a pharmacy and buy califig. It's natural, so no more rattling and it really is an unsung hero in my medicine cabinet. Take a couple of teaspoons, ideally before bed so it can work it's magic overnight. If no "action" just take again in increments of one teaspoon at lunchtime and again at bedtime...depends on the severity of the situation. For the other positives....us :) You know some days I only stayed quit so I could keep the buddies lol. But it's still a great positive reason. For the dinner ideas is another one :) Seriously, you're doing this to be happier and healthier and I promise you will be. You will feel a freedom and self worth that you never knew you could even have. You will be financially better off and so much stronger, both mentally and physically. I know is sucks donkey balls now, but it's just a crappy phase, what else in your life could promise all the above if you just wait long enough?? PS Treacle is an awesome sub, good effort :) xx

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-3 Aww sally, they were only saying that to keep bakon on his toes...plus I abhor a bus so it would't be anyways...all good... we have a saying in england that I don't think anyone would see here.... #buswankers ....so not me for sure :)

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What the fcuk is wrong with me that I keep expecting something different then you're an absolute fcuking blot on earth put here to piss me the fcuk off. No it's not a little asian doctor, it's a doctor you racist bitch No it's not like having fcuking minions, you're lucky I don't punch your fcuking lights out, I'm your carer because I'm nicer than the other two twunts you birthed. No you don't have " a right to an opinion" on how I raise my children, cause you were and still are a peice of shit mother who is delusional and unstable at best and an utter shit stain on the earth in reverse. No I am not going to florida with younot paying a fcking penny to babysit my sisters kids and like fcuk do youbabysit mine, only placated that I would never fcuking let you ever you absolute headjob fuckwit excuse for a human and breathing! Nope, twunt, now breathing. Time for tv and wine me thinks but what an utter fcukingwankstainheapofshitbitchofanotherbitch that I will never be a thing like!! Phew, long rant, sorry guys.

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Happy birthday beauty, hope you have a fantabulous day :) xx

0 Nascar...like bangers, or kart or like f1? Sounds interesting and love car racing :)

Good to have standards!! :)

oh jeez, is he whinging again... ok Tracey restarted for you at 0. so assuming you meant 1 Bakon ME 0 and go :)

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