holydooly

Thanks so much Bandito!! :)

Thank you everyone for taking the time to reply and offer support and advice. I do understand that it is the addiction. I have a long way to go and each day, while still a battle, is another day down. I no longer "crave" the nicotine as such, what I crave is that soothing feeling I guess. I never smoked because of peer pressure, I took up smoking to deal with childhood abuse. It was a way as a young child to "psychologically" deal with emotions and in some crazy way, it was my way of rebelling against the very people who were hurting me. I would steal their cigarettes and then smoke them. At age 10 it seemed like a great way to get back at them. So you see smoking had been my way to get through the many things early in my life and it became embedded that smoking was my only way to deal with any stress, negative or even positive things in my life. So now 35 years later. I don't know how to do it without cigarettes. I am trying to learn and unfortunately food has taken its place until I can get out of this slump. I don't want to smoke again and I also don't like feeling this way. Its a battle that often feels lonely and very misunderstood. Thank you for taking the time everyone, I really appreciate it.

I am here to express a desperate plea for help and understanding regarding my quit. I quit smoking 2 months ago and this quit has been a nightmare to say the least. I felt ready to quit and prepared as much as I could with past failures being my incentive and assistance. I quit cold turkey and for the first week felt great! From there it has gone downhill and I truly believe I am going crazy. I am angry, depressed, anxious, moody, unable to think straight and cannot sleep well. I have gone to my GP who has suggested that I try and chew nicotine gum to try and relieve the symptoms, which makes no sense to me, why would I introduce nicotine back into my system after not having it for over 2 months. He does not want to put my on anti depressants and believes that this is all mind over matter. My eating is out of control, I am now using food as my addiction rather than nicotine. My cardiologist is concerned about my extreme weight gain and while I know what I must do to combat this, my motivation is non existent and I just want to stay cooped up in doors away from friend who still smoke and family who don't understand. I had smoked for over 30 years, I do not know who I am as a person and I hate who I have become. Does this truly get easier? I read so often that people feel something similar for months. This worries me. I dont want to start smoking again but I feel like things will be like this forever. Am I just being weak and a sook?